Have your kids held you back?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2007
Have your kids held you back?
18
Wed, 08-27-2008 - 5:59pm

Lately I have been unhappy that I haven't traveled much at all. I've been married or had kids for almost 20 years now. I see my younger co-workers going everywhere...most of them don't have kids. I feel like I'm missing out, esp. since they are asking me to work for them while they go to Mexico!! I am thinking I didn't do enough before I got married the first time around. Sure, we can go on vacation, but we're broke right now and kids are expensive, esp. on vacation. My cousin just went to Europe for 6 weeks with her DH and THREE kids...they went on a cruise and spent a ton of money. How do people afford it?

That's my rant for today....I feel like running away.

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Community Leader
Registered: 12-16-2003
Wed, 08-27-2008 - 6:07pm
Do I think they held me back, No.

Ramona  Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-27-2008 - 6:31pm

Realistically career-wise yes. Most of my female colleagues who started at the same time I did (who are unmarried and childless) are in much higher position. I have not worked abroad as much as I could (should?) have because of having a child and being a single Mom now. Do I regret it? Not at all. But the honest truth is yes, the choices I made to put my family life first has slowed my career. But luckily I'm not a driven career woman. I make a good salary and in 5 years when she graduates I can then do what I want work-wise.


As for travel, if its a priority you find a way. It is for me. I don't save money for new furniture which I need, I save for vacation. I took

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-27-2008 - 8:42pm

You know I ask myself that very same question at times and come up with the very same answer yes and no.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2004
Wed, 08-27-2008 - 9:38pm

Where I live the vast majority of women marry and have children later in life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 08-27-2008 - 10:06pm

No, I really don't...I feel like having her has broadened everything for me (more than 1 kid, I don't think we'd do half of what we do now, though).

We definitely travel more than ever before. She's been to Disney World 7 times, Colorado/Utah 3 times (Utah twice), Texas numerous times. We are planning a trip to Memphis next summer to see the pandas at the zoo and to see Wicked--I would've never imagined traveling 5 hours to see a certain animal or to see a musical, but we are THRILLED!!

I'm more into animals & nature because of her, I'm more into arts & culture because of her.

I don't have any desire to go overseas or to go on a cruise, so neither of those are an issue. I can't wait to share Washington, DC with her and possibly even New York...and maybe even Mexico (I haven't done any of these yet, but I'm not in a rush either.)

I am a teacher because of her. I would crinkle my nose at the thought of ever being a teacher before I became HER teacher. Now, I LOVE teaching!!

The only thing I would like to do and don't know if I ever will be able to (but not just because of her, but because of Mike, too) is to go to Hawaii. And an Alaskan cruise--I don't have any desire to cruise down here, but Alaska....



iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2005
Thu, 08-28-2008 - 1:00am

No, I don't think they have. In fact, I feel they have done the opposite!

Before I had my son, I was kind of a party girl and I worked at the mall. We went to a different club every night. Fun, for a 19 year old! After I had him, I didn't know what to do so I went to university and ended up getting my Master's.

After my now 3 year old was born, I was dreading going back to work, so I decided to go back to school for my PhD. Not the best choice for everyone, but I feel I can give them a better life this way while still doing what I love.

Travel is kind of a moot point for me. I've never had any desire to go to an exotic locale or go on a cruise. I don't even care to go to the mountains. Maybe I'm boring, but hey, that's me. ;) My Mom likes to go on road trips every summer. i hated them as a kid, but she usually takes my son now and he loves it. They have their fun and I'm happy at home.

All of my friends are grad students. One or two are married and none have kids. They go out a lot. I go sometimes, but 9 times out of 10 when the kids are at their grandparents, I end up staying home and relaxing, even though I sometimes grumble about not having much of a social life.

I often want to run away too. I don't think that is an alien feeling to mothers. LOL.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Thu, 08-28-2008 - 8:11am

My life path is definatly different than it would have been had I not had children. However, I don't see that having children has held me back, just detoured me off the fast paced

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Thu, 08-28-2008 - 8:24am

I would be really sad if I didn't have kids.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2007
Thu, 08-28-2008 - 10:48am
Thanks everyone for your insight. I guess I was feeling sorry for myself. There's a group of nurses at work planning a trip to Mexico and they all keep asking me to work for them because I have an "on call" schedule. I told one of them "What if I want to go?!" They just smile, that's it. I guess they think since I have kids I'm trapped or something. I've never left my family to do anything by myself so I guess I'm thinking I should do that sometime just to recuperate. I'm feeling like a teenager or something, being excluded from this trip while everyone is asking me to work!
I wouldn't trade my kids for anything in the world...I think I need to do a little more for myself sometimes and we need to save money for more vacations...that's for sure!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2007
Thu, 08-28-2008 - 11:47am

It depends on how you look at it... Career-wise, absolutely. But that was my choice. I worked full-time at a job I loved until my second child was born and I realized that I was really not able to commit to the job as much as I'd like to anymore; the job required lots of travel and overtime to really do it right, so I could either give that 100% and let my family life suffer, or do each thing (parenting and the job) half-heartedly and do a mediocre job at both, or give up the job completely. I never regret that decision, but sometimes I get a little wistful when I think about how far I *could* have gone with my career.

We are pretty good about getting away, with and without the kids, so I don't feel I've missed out on anything as far as that goes. We actually keep a list of places we want to go (with and without kids), and that helps us to make it happen! I am starting to try to figure out what we're doing for Spring Break already!

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