What's Harder - Motherhood or Marriage?

Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
What's Harder - Motherhood or Marriage?
7
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 4:48pm

I stole this from my April '07 board, but thought since our kids (well, most of our kids) are older, maybe there might be a larger difference of opinion on the issue and would love to hear everyone's thoughts.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 4:53pm

My opinion:


It depends on the day and the circumstance. Today, being both

 

 

Avatar for sesamemom98
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 5:26pm

Now that Sherina's ten & needs a different type of mothering, I'm inclined to say parenthood--but since DH & I work opposite shifts, with him working mostly nights & never having a regular day off each week, I definitely say it's marriage that is tougher for me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 6:32pm

I find the combination to be trying! To clarify: I would not ever want to do this alone, and I am very appreciative and blessed to have the husband I have, but it's the combo of trying to make everyone happy, all the time, that wears me out.

My husband is a wonderful guy, a great provider, and my best friend. But he's also emotionally needy, and by day's end of homeschooling, working, keeping up with all I keep up with....I'm TIRED, and I want no one to need me anymore. Unfortunately, that's when dh usually walks in. Totally not his fault, but that's what I find the most challenging.

When dh and I have a weekend alone, it's easy. When I have the kids alone, it's easy (well, other than sibling rivalry, which is my biggest thorn). When I'm trying to make everyone happy and fill all needs, my own needs run dry and I end up running in circles and making everyone miserable.

So, I can't point to one or the other, for me it's the combo.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2004
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 8:20pm

It this point in time I would say that marriage is much easier than motherhood.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-13-2009 - 6:03pm

Motherhood is MUCH more of a challenge for me, but I admit that with shame :(

I don't feel very confident in my mothering skills and constantly question myself. I adore my kids, but am not very maternal, if that makes sense. God blessed me with 4 kids, but my last 2 were twins, and a happy surprise, and while I wouldn't change a thing about any of them, I feel that having a larger family is often hard for me (Even though it's also got so many rewards!).

My kids are also high needs in certain ways. They are imaginative, creative, bright kids (And yes, I'm bragging, but it's the truth!), but that means they can be very high maintenance. And they are all so psychologically and emotionally different, they challenge me from every side. They are good kids, but I don't always feel like I have a handle on what I'm doing. And my DD Tessa has Selective Mutism, which poses it's own unique challenges.

My marriage is the greatest blessing in my life, but I don't take even half the credit for that. I truly did marry my soul mate and best friend, and we have been in love since we were 16. The thing about my husband is---he is not only a really good person with a heart of gold, but he truly, truly puts me first in his life above everything except God, and that means he is considerate, romantic, helpful to me and my rock. And I adore him, and try and give back as much as he gives (Although I'm sure I fall short every day! I don't deserve him AT ALL!!).

The big challenge in our marriage is his career, because in many ways I have to be married to it too. His hours are horrible and it is emotionally and mentally draining for him (As well as rewarding). It has come between us at times, but that is probably mostly my fault (What can he really do? He's the sole provider here). I get resentful at times, and I admit that with shame. I work on being supportive and understanding of his professional life every single day.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2005
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 1:47pm
I have never been married. I have been engaged twice but never went through on either of them. I have two kids 13 and 3. I would say that since they are both relatively normal and unscathed I am more cut out to be a mother but not a wife. The idea of being someone's wife is just not appealing to me at all. I don't know why...just not the marrying kind I guess.
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Avatar for bradleyteach
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2001
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 4:47pm

I would say marriage is harder. When you're the parent, you get to be in charge and make the decisions.

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