friendship issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2009
friendship issues
5
Thu, 02-05-2009 - 4:21pm
Hi, I'm somewhat new here .... I have a 10 y/o DS who doesn't like to play with a family friends DS who is 5 y/o. They do have some things in common but DS just doesn't like playing with the little boy. I think it's because of the age difference, that even though they do have some things in common their personalities are on a different level but my DH wants to push the friendship onto DS which just creates some hassles. What would be the best way of going about this? I don't want the little boy to feel left out although he can play with our younger kids who are more closer in age but I also don't want to push a friendship on DS if he doesn't want
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 02-05-2009 - 4:30pm
I think the diff. between a 5 & 10 yr old is huge. They really aren't going to be friends. Actually though when I started dating my STBX, his DD was 10 and my DS was 5. They did get along well because she was kind of immature for her age and she actually got along better w/ my DS than w/ my DD who was 1 yr older than her. Sometimes they would do things together like play video games or play basketball but as they got older, they grew apart because of course, when she was a teenager, she wanted to hang w/ other teenagers, not play w/ a little kid. I think w/ that age diff, you really have to look at it more like the older child is almost a babysitter for the younger one. He can be made to feel important by doing things like reading a story to the younger child or helping him out w/ something. But since you have younger kids, I don't understand why your DH feels that the 2 of them should be friends. Believe me, you can't make kids be friends w/ each other if they don't want to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Thu, 02-05-2009 - 4:33pm

first of all welcome to the board. Hope you stick around and get to know everyone here. There are a great bunch of ladies here with lots of advice.

as for you situation. Talk to your dh about how you feel. Tell him why you feel the way you feel. Then offer your son some suggestions for when this little boy does come over to play. maybe pull out some toys that both can play with for a little while. Then when your son gets bored let him go do something else. Im not one to force a friendship but i am one to force some kindness. hopefully the two boys will figure out some way to deal with one another. Good luck.

Welcome Pictures, Images and Photos
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-05-2009 - 4:56pm

Hmm. . . That IS a huge age difference. I can totally understand why your DS feels that way. My oldest DS is also 10, and my twin girls are 5, and while he will play with them a bit in a group, he doesn't play much one-on-one with them (Of course, there's the gender difference in our case, too).

Having kids those exact ages, I also see that Matthew (10) likes to help Tessa and Jenna out. He likes to watch over them and teach them things. He's taught them certain games on the Wii that are age appropriate. He's taught them to kick a soccer ball and he pushes them on the swings, and he talked recently about teaching them how to ride bikes. I also asked him to teach them to tie their shoes and he said he would. That being said, maybe that is a bit of a solution for your situation too. Maybe your DS could kind of be put in the place of "older mentor", and that would make him feel good, helping a little kid out. It would also solve the friendship issue, because they could still kind of be buddies anyway. Why don't you suggest he teach him some things that he knows how to do better than the 5 year-old?

Just a suggestion.




Photobucket




Photobucket
Photobucket



Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket


Photobucket


Photobucket
Photobucket








Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Thu, 02-05-2009 - 10:36pm

I don't think it's appropriate to push this at all. They are worlds apart in developmental and intellectual stages and have totally different needs. They may have some interests in common, but I can imagine that for some (not all) 10 yo boys, this would really be humiliating. And it's quite a lot of pressure for the 5 yo as well.


The only way I can see this would work is to limit the time your DS has to spend being a host to this child. If his parents come over and they are to be thrown together, then tell your DS ahead of time that he can spend an hour playing games with the other little boy, then he is free to go read or play computer games or whatever he enjoys. They can certainly be companions and have a brotherly relationship, but it isn't realistic to expect a true friendship.


We spent a weekend in a rented vacation house with DH's sisters and their children, who are all younger, and it was pretty hard on my kids. They were patient with their cousins, but my children are introverts who really need some time alone, so they both had to sneak away to private spaces to read when they got overwhelmed with their "leader" duties.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
Sat, 02-07-2009 - 12:20pm

Welcome to the board!


I agree with the others. I wouldnt expect my DD at 10 to be friends with a 5yr old. Thats way too big an age difference.