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|Mon, 07-26-2004 - 9:22pm|
Well, it's Monday again. I am coming off a wonderful weekend with my H. We went camping and white water rafting and kayaking. I realize this is still the honeymoon phase, at least now I am hyper aware of what lurks around the corner. That in itself stinks as it's hard to sit back and relax.
Well, anyway - I wanted to share my Hulk Hogan thought with you all as it is a little disturbing and a little refreshing. Tonight my H and I got into an argument. When he started raising his voice and banging his chest (to be emphatic about something), I told him the conversation was over. Unfortunately we were in a car and I couldn't walk away. So, he starts saying, "That's great - you raise your voice, but I can't?!" ANYWAY... I then pointed out how he was intimidating and that it was unfair that he could hit me and hurt me, etc (a useless tactic to try to remind him that he was intimidating and that sometimes a raised voice leads to something physical). His genious retort? That I could hit him too and hurt him too! I couldn't believe it! Is he really that insensitive, self-pitying, ignorant, doesn't get it...??? I feel like all of his one on one counseling and his group therapy are for nothing. I mean, with that one simple statement, he seems to have nullified everything he's working towards.
So, I sat there festering. He finally apologized, to which I said nothing. Then a few minutes later, he asked if I was snow balling in my mind. I told him it was hard to snow ball when you've already hit bottom. So, then I told him what was in my head. I was thinking that if he could get in front of a large man of about 6'8" and 320 lbs - someone like Hulk Hogan in his prime, and have Hulk hit him upside the head so that it really hurt - a couple of times, then maybe he'd get it. Afterward, I would like the Hulk to say that he (my H) could hit him too. I want that to happen so my H would feel how insensitive, rude, ridiculous, and taunting that statement was. In fact, I'm so angry that I REALLY wish that could happen. I wish that his DV group every week was just about getting in front of a very large, very intimidating man and be hit week after week. Then maybe, one day he might get why I flinch when his voice raises, or when he makes a fast movement. Maybe then he won't think I'm ridiculous or dramatic. Most importantly, he wouldn't throw away months of "improvement" and "therapy" with an insensitive, crappy statement like "I can hit him too."
I am so angry right now. Just had to vent!