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|Sat, 11-02-2002 - 7:28am|
I dont feel normal, I feel like everyone else is and I am a big mess. STILL....
Worst part is, and I say this knowing as time goes by this will change and evolve. He has been a friend and support to me though this. Hes been a constant where there were no others. He is my friend and I am worried that our friendship wont continue. Makes me sad.
My job, well after 9/11 everything went to poop and we all lost ours. I think I remember you finding something new and then quitting? I went from Travel to Social Work and am finding out that I am not cut out for it. My boss and I have personality conflicts. She is an old al-anon girl herself and always trys to fix me. Funny thing is when I am feeling strong, smart and overachieving she is a b word and ALWAYS finds fault. When I am weak and down she wants to be my best friend and thinks I am all that and a bag of chips. I have been looking, a lot and sent out several resumes, had a few interviews but no real bites yet... Two weeks ago I started real-estate classes. (shrug) its one more option.
Kicker last night the X came to pick up the boys. HE actually had the nerve to walk to my door open it and stand inside the foyer closing the door behind him. I looked at him, unfortunately my oldest was in the room, I simply asked him to please wait outside this makes me uncomfortable. He just looked at me, I said again, please respect my boundaries, this is my home please wait for the kids out side. Hehehe he was not a happy camper, his departing words.....typical threats, see if you get any money out of me anytime soon. HE IS SUCH A BIG FAT LOOSER!!!
Star I remember sobbing, and writing, as I was SO lonely and scared and worried and feeling desperate. You did always tell me the truth, I though it would take forever to get though it and some days have been especially tough and long but you always told me the truth and I do believe I will get through this too. Its me, its in my head, its not real. I DO have worth and value and I will hopefully soon learn and actually believe that and continue to grow.
Why is it so hard for me to feel it? I want to but just cant seem to do it.