very sad need advice

Avatar for elainecynthia
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Registered: 03-27-2003
very sad need advice
7
Sun, 08-21-2005 - 7:08pm
I'm new here and would really like some advice. First I weigh 174lbs, I have weighed this for 17 months now. When my husband and I got together I weighed 150, then I had back surgery, appendix surgery, and gallbladder surgery. Then we decided to have kids, well we did invitro four times and I got pregnant with twins, they both were big babies one was 7lbs3oz and the other was 6lbs6oz. They are now 17 months. I have stayed 174lbs since their birth. My problem is my husband all of a sudden in the last week he has been making rude comments about my weight, one was well it has been 17 months you need to lose weight, and another was that I should stop blaming it on the twins, then he told me he thinks I do need to lose weight. I am planning on having a tummy tuck next year and today he made a comment that the weight wont come off that fast and if I am planning to have the tummy tuck that I need to start now on losing the weight. I really don't know why he has decided to start making comments about my weight, he has never ever said anything before. He is really hurting my feelings, I try to explain to him that in the last 5 years I have been through quite a bit. I don't know what to do. Help any advice will be great. Thanks Cynthia
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Registered: 06-18-1998
Mon, 08-22-2005 - 1:26am

Wow.... your an amazing woman That is alot to handle and twins too. whew you must be tired lol! Just my thoughts as they pertain to my life experience, I have been chubby or overweight as long as I can remember. I was 180 (5'7) when I met dh. We had a lot of arguements and fights and near break ups over the first few years of our relationship about this issue and I can tell you that never, NEVER once did the hurtful comments help. In fact they made me defiant and angry and defensive and made me want to eat to be spiteful(stupid I know but ya can't help how you feel right). Any how fast forward to now almost 12 yrs later and at my highest may 31,2005(and after two pregnancies in two years) I was 214. I Honestly don't know where my strength or determination are coming from it is not like I haven't tried to lose it in the past some times I was even a bit succesfull but not like this. I have lost 20lbs so far and it has not been easy but I feel like if I(I have to admit I hate exercise and am kind of lazy at times) can do it then anyone can. I think you have to find what works for you, If there is any kind of exercise you even remotely like then you have to do it. For me it was biking or swimming I chose biking one it's more convenient and cheaper. I dont' allow myself to have excuses I HAVE to do this no matter if I'm tired or its hot out, I still have to do it. I still struggle with (after 3 months of really working hard at it) with wanting to eat just because, or stuffing myself SO full, or eating the foods I love but just can't have right now. For me I had to completly cold turkey remove all those foods, fast food and chips are my biggest down fall. I had to look for alternatives and find ways to help myself FEEL better to help the FEELING of wanting to eat. I had to make the choice to have healthy filling lunches so that I could have smaller dinners and I have to make a concious effort to not eat at night. I am sitting here struggling right now not to go to the frige and pig out. dh is not home and the kids are asleep I feel like the darn food is calling me!! I hope some day that kind of thing will get easier but for now I just fight on, I would talk your dh and say that I can't do this alone, I need to make better food choices for me and all of us, and I NEED uninterupted time to work out. If that means he watches the kids while you walk, bike, swim, go to the gym then he has to do it without a grumble or eye roll.
alot of my inspiration comes from three things One my family - I don't want to be the fat mom, I dont' want to die and early death and leave my kids, I want to have energy and provide a good example and NOT pass my bad habits on to them.
Two - Honestly hearing that number out loud 214 I think it still echos in my brain, the nurse at the dr's office said it quietly and made a joke about how the scale always lies at my physical but still just hearing it....
Three - wanting to have a breast lift/reduction and tummy tuck myself. I need to lose weight dr's orders to be able to do those things and I really want and need that reduction. I am planning on next fall and hope I will have lost enough by then and hope to continue on.
I think the only time when weight loss works is when you have the right inspiration or motivation and that is something different for all of us.
hth good luck feel free to email me if you need to chat you sound alot like me

wendy
amaya 09/17/03
rowen 09/14/01

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 08-22-2005 - 9:20pm

Hi and Welcome to the board.


I think you need to have a talk with your DH.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2003
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 11:06am

HI Cynthia,




Come visit my page and say hi!

   

Avatar for elainecynthia
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-24-2005 - 9:32am
Thanks to everyone for their support. I talked to my DH and we have came to an agreement that if he can't support me about the weight loss then he will just keep his rude comments to himself. I realize that I need to do something to lose and to get into shape. I have started a diet and now I am working out. In just a week I have lost 3lbs. I weighed today and stayed the same. It's a start. Thanks to everyone. Cynthia
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Registered: 02-19-2003
Wed, 08-24-2005 - 10:04am

Cynthia, that is good news!



Come visit my page and say hi!

   

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-1998
Wed, 08-24-2005 - 3:39pm

Congratulations on your first loss, good for you!!!

wendy
amaya 09/17/03
rowen 09/14/01

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Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 08-24-2005 - 3:44pm

That is awesome Cynthia,


Great Job!!!!

Monica


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