My TT (m)
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| Sat, 10-13-2001 - 5:12am |
My TT (m)
"The test is positive"
Anna stared at the gynaecologist.A kindly man, he looked tired and haggard today.His office was comfortable but tasteful, furnished in soothing blues and greys.
"Probably to discourage dramatic outbursts" thought Anna bitterly.Not for her the cheerful clatter of the public antenatal wards.Anna was different.Marked, she thought in her more cynical moods.
Anna carried the gene for cystic fibrosis.
..............................................................
Cystic Fibrosis.
There was a song, used for fundraising, about "sixty five roses".It was sweet, sentimental.....and GARBAGE. There was nothing sentimental about this horrible illness.For years, Anna had pushed it all somewhere deep inside.Maybe at some level the hoped , that way, it could never hurt her again.
But how can you push something like that away?Two brothers, younger than her, so sweet and funny.Hoping, like her parents, that if she did enough, often enough, they would cheat fate.Nebulizers,postural drainage,antibiotics,vitamins. Worrying every time they caught an infection.Watching her mother become bitter as the treatments started failing.Watching as her brothers came to understand their fate, too.
Why them?
Why not me?
Why me?
As time passed, the pain had lessened.Anna moved on, studied, found herself a job and a man.Life seemed good.Until now.
She hadn't intended to be pregnant.All her past had come flooding back, like a dark spectre ready to destroy her.Anna wasn't going to let it affect her this time, though.The decision was clear.She would have the test, and abort the pregnancy if the baby was affected.Simple.Just like a blood test, really.
Up until now, the pregnancy had been straightforward.A little nausea, some tiredness, but overall she had felt well.Hardly pregnant at all, in fact, though her bulging tummy was starting to demonstrate otherwise.
So, it hadn't been a problem three weeks ago. Anna lay quite calmly on the hospital bed, as the doctor drew the straw coloured fluid from her lump into the specimen bottle.A good patient.It was easier than a blood test, really.
As he talked, the doctor moved away from the ultrasound scanner.Anna's eyes flicked across to the screen.There, on the screen, was a picture of a baby.It was blurry but quite recognizable.The picture moved, and as it did, Anna felt an unmistakeable flutter in her tummy.She looked again, fascinated.On the screen, she could see the baby put its thumb in its mouth.
Realization dawned.
Her baby.
With a shiver of horror,she realized that she could no longer abort this baby, her baby, whatever the outcome.Their fates were linked now.She wasn't sure she could deal with it.
..............................................................
Anna blinked.
"Are you all right, Mrs Thompson?" said the kindly gynaecologist.
"I'm sorry,could you repeat what you just said?"
"I said, it's a positive outcome"...............................
"your baby does not have cystic fibrosis."

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Good Story, Walds! ...(m)
What a heartfelt story! You did a good job getting the anxiety of your main character across, her fears, her concerns were portrayed very well. I enjoyed reading this.
Now to the harder part, the actual critique. When you start your rewrite, I would suggest that you use your word pro feature first and use the spell check. There were a few typo's. (Plus you might want to insert a space between each sentence.) In paragraph fourteen you have "...quite calmly." I would drop the 'quite' according to Jessica's rule that the words quite and very should not be used unless necessary. Also, ...ly words should be used sparingly. I'm only suggesting these because even though this is only the Tuesday Tale, this is a good story worth expanding, editing, and polishing. I hope you share your rewrite with us. Thanks for sharing this, Sammi
Thanks!.where can I access Jessica's rules?..n/t
Thanks!.where can I access Jessica's rules?..n/t
Oops! ISP keeps disconnecting..n/t
Jessica's Rules ... (m)
...would most likely be found in the archives for the Getting Started and Getting Serious Boards, but first you might try going into the "Writing Lessons" on the home page. I've been a member of ivillage for a while, so I've had the advantage of printing up some of her best writing tips. If you can't find some of them there, let me know and maybe we can locate them online. Sammi
Found it!..followed the links from writing home page to writing coach.....
to writing how to's, which I've bookmarked.Thanks! By the way, I'm going to try to access a US spellcheck..we use UK English here, and I can see it will cause problems on top of my regular typos..Sue
Nice story wald, (m)
I agree with sammi that this can be cleaned up and expanded. It has heart. I hope you will post the rewrite. Keep up the good work.
Linda
cl-ozarker
"We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master." - Ernest Heminway
Hi Walds (m)
Thank goodness the positive results were a good thing. I feel for (and respect) any woman that would have to make that type of decision. I agree with Sammi that you did a great job of getting the anxiety across. I also think the background of the story played a vital role in setting us (the readers) up for the end.
Other than checking for spelling errors as Sammi suggested, I had a few questions. I was wondering if she was married and if so, how did her husband feel about the possibility of her aborting their baby if it had CF. I think you’ve got a great story and one that you could easily expand.
Mac
Thanks.....(m)
I thought about the husband, but couldnt work out how to fit him into 500 words without confusing the story...sounds like it needs to be expanded a bit.....so my next challenge is to write MORE than 500 without losing momentum..Sue
Thank you! n/t
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