An anxiety filled weekend........*m*
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|Mon, 01-13-2003 - 12:43am|
An anxiety filled weekend........*m*
Ugh, the entire weekend was filled with anxiety!!!
Friday was a very stressful day at work and from the first moment my boss yelled at me because the computer didn't work (like I have any control over that), my neck tensed up so badly that I couldn't move it. My boyfriend had a bad day at work too, so he offered to take me to dinner after we got off. Well, we were both so riled up from our stressful day that we both snapped at each other through dinner! He got mad because I mentioned how I thought Saturday night was "our night" together. It had kind of turned into a tradition, or so I thought. He got angry because he thought I was going to tell him no if he and his friends wanted to go out on a Saturday night. Well, we both apologized after dinner, agreeing that we were both just winding down after a stressful day at work, and that we'd go back to my house to relax.
So we get back to my house and I'm very happy because I was about to take my very last antibiotic! Whew! Made it! So I take the last pill, and what happens? It gets lodged in my throat. Now, I swear I read somewhere that you have to drink lots of water when taking antibiotics because if it gets stuck in your throat it's not good. So of course I freak out. My boyfriend kept telling me to drink lots of water...I ended up downing 3 bottles in like 10 minutes which made me feel sick. Then I finally feel like the pill went down and then I have a panic attack. I was having serious problems breathing and of course I think it's because the pill got stuck in my throat. I was really panicking, I even told my boyfriend "Take me to the hospital" (thank goodness he knew it was just a panic attack). It took me a long time to calm down, and by this time it's about 11 at night. I KNEW I wouldn't be able to get to sleep, I had so much anxiety. My boyfriend started rubbing my neck to try to make me (and my neck!) feel better and I ended up falling asleep at about 11:45 on the couch while my boyfriend watched TV. But of course it doesn't end there. He woke me up at 12:30 so I could get in bed and I woke up in another full blown panic attack! Couldn't breathe, I was shaky, my legs wouldn't support me when I tried to stand up, my heart felt funny. I was a mess. I did manage to doze off throughout the night but my neck hurt so badly that I couldn't sleep very well.
Now on to Saturday. I had a million errands to do and the first was to take my car in for an oil change, and a few other maintenance things. Now I don't do well at all waiting for my car, it causes me so much anxiety knowing that I can't get my car back if I need to get out of there. It's actually been over 6 months and 6,000 miles since I've gotten my oil changed because the last time I was there I had such a bad panic attack that I was on my cell phone crying to my boyfriend to come get me. But I knew I had to have it done, so off I went. And of course they were super busy and I had to wait 2 hours. Nothing catastrophic happened but it was a lot of anxiety! Then I had to run around doing a million errands, and then I went to my therapist appointment. She made me very nervous because she kept staring at me! She would ask me a question, I would answer, and then after I was done talking she would just stare at me. It made me so nervous, it's like a stare-off, I don't know whether I should look away or stare back...I wonder why she does that!
Anyway, I got home at 7 at night after being gone for 8 hours and I was looking forward to maybe finally relaxing, but then my boyfriend calls. He and some of his friends are going to a bar and he really wants me to go. And his friends really want me to go too. I really didn't want to go, but I haven't been out with my boyfriend, or his friends for probably 6 months and I could hear it in my boyfriend's voice that he really wanted me to go. So much for relaxing! I got to the bar at about 9 o'clock feeling so panicky, you know, stomach in knots, couldn't breathe, headache, etc. I have my bottle of water in my hand...I can't go anywhere without carrying a bottle of water, I don't know why, but I freak out if I don't have it. And then the bouncer at the door TOOK IT FROM ME!!! They said I couldn't bring it in. I was about to cry, I wanted to tell the bouncer "Do you know what it took for me to come here??? And you want to take away my security blanket!!!" But my boyfriend whisked me inside and bought me a new water at the bar. I had an ok time...bars aren't really my kind of scene, but I stayed for an hour and a half and was home by 11. But still couldn't sleep because of my neck!
Today I spent all morning cleaning, paying bills, doing laundry, etc. and this evening I finally decided to sit down and try to relax. I got on the couch with a magazine and what's the first article I came across? An article about blood clots! I should have passed right by it but nope, it's like I HAVE to read these things. It was all about how being on the pill (whic I am) puts you at risk for blood clots and all the symptoms of them, etc. Blood clots are something I'm really scared of anyway, every time I feel a pain in my calf I think I have a blood clot, so reading that article made me so scared! UGH!
What a weekend. Now it's back to work tomorrow which probably won't be any better than Friday since the computer still isn't fixed. And my neck still hurts so much!
Hope everyone had a great weekend...I'm gonna go catch up on the posts.
HUGS, Erin =)