My TTE: (late of course)
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| Sat, 11-03-2001 - 5:07pm |
My TTE: (late of course)
Cursed Blood
Lately, Samantha Lee has been noticing that many of the old men she sees, on the street, in the grocery store, everywhere and anywhere she goes, resembles her father’s picture.
Sam thinks, there are just a lot of old Italian men around. They’re easy to pick out; some are barrel shaped, with shaggy white hair, others have thinned away to a lumpy, and hollow frame, so that a belt has to be hitched up high and tight.
On Sunday morning, Sam points out an old man of the first type to her husband. The man sits hunched over a newspaper, following the line of print with one thick finger. His glasses are smudged almost to the point of opaque.
“Who does he remind you of?” Sam asks Jim.
“An old Spencer Tracy?”
She shakes her head.
“Frank Sinatra?”
Sam smiles. “I just thought he looked very Italian.”
“All old men look Italian to you,” Jim replies.
Sixteen years ago, when Jim went into the Navy and Sam graduated from college, they planned to start a family, however they never did. Sam troubled herself over the years with the stories about her father, some from family legend passed down from her mother and some created from her mother’s memories. They featured his temper, his sense of humor, his alcohol addiction and his famous bad blood.
Jim worried about Samantha especially when she talked about her parents.
“Do you remember what the Geneticist said when I told him we want children?” Jim asks while sipping his coffee.
“I’m afraid, our child could have … our child would have a stranger’s blood running through his veins, his life would be cursed by the unknown ancestors.” Sam replied.
“You worry to much sweetheart.”
The wind rose cool, in the far overcast sky lightening struck, leaves flutter, twisting to the ground. Sam looks into Jim’s eyes wanting to shout at him the things she has buried in her mind but she doesn’t. She doesn’t want to ruin their Sunday morning tradition of breakfast on the café sidewalk in town. A young waiter pours more coffee into their cups.
“I’ve been thinking a lot about my mother,” Sam says as if they were picking up a conversation interrupted by the refill.
“What about her?”
“I just thought … no, I just wonder why she allowed herself to make babies with this man, my father whom she titled ‘bad blood’,” Sam answers.
“Samantha, your mother was being selfish and childish and foolish. She lived Sam, she just lived,” he says.
“Mom,” she says, her voice rising, pushing out words, “She will live forever, until she is old and desperate herself, and my father’s face has long since faded out of her memory.”
“Maybe so,” he says and hands her a tissue. “I might not say it to you but you did the right thing. You remember that, when things get rough.”
Samantha daydreams about father, was he growing old, his hair white, his muscles weak, was his eyes fading?
“I thought you were ready to do some shopping.”
Sam puts butter on her toast.
“Who am I like, which one of them?” She asks. Her voice sounds high and faraway, a stranger’s voice, a little girl’s voice.
“You’re my beautiful, amazing wife that I love and cherish. How about we take a drive out into the country?” He asks.
“Whatever you want,” she says, “Whatever makes you happy.”
He tosses the key to Sam; she catches it with her upheld hand.

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Great Title, Thia! ...(m)
...and a good story to go with it. Unknown ancestry is a scary thing when it comes to health care, I think you captured this very well.
I noticed some rough sentences, like the verb was out of tense, but I'm sure you'll catch those in your rewrites. Good read, Thia! Sammi
Great title, great story (m)
and one that I can relate to so well as I know how it feels not to know your biological parents. And like your main character, I’ve made a decision not have children, so your story was especially intriguing to me.
I did wonder about two things:
1) Why Jim (who sounded like a great husband, BTW) “worried about Samantha especially when she talked about her parents.” Is it because her parents (and the history surrounding them) upset her terribly? Or was he just a person that chose not to look back?
2) And, even though I’m sure you left it out because of word limit restraints, I wanted to know what the Geneticist told them.
Other than that, I think you had a great story going. One I liked, and related to a lot.
Mac
The story left me squinting at the screen.. . .
I got what you were talking about, but the tense drove me nuts the whole time. Present tense just did not work for me. Sorry maybe it's me, but I have seen you write better.
That just seems cold and catty, and I have been sitting here for five minutes trying to think up something nice. I liked the title? The subject is interesting? Oh hell, I'm still squinting.
Sorry, dvspec
my comments...(m)
Thia, there was a lot I really liked about the story...Ithought the description of the old Italian men was really good, and I enjoyed the to and fro of her thinking about the "bad blood" and I thought the overall idea was really original,including the link up with(I assume) IVF, but I was left with a lot of questions.For example, I didnt really get the ending, it seemed like an anticlimax to me.And it took me a while to work out who "Jim" was,and why the discusson about him being in the military.What happened to the father?Did he run off before she was born, or did he die mysteriously, or did the family just refuse to talk about him?What does she think about her own features?Does she look Italian?etc..I think this has the basis of a really interesting story, maybe it would work better a bit longer?Hope you dont mind my comments, I feel a bit shy critiquing someone else...but that's how I can learn...Best wishes, Sue
Thanks for reading the story Sammi (m)
I know I Need practice in "tense" area, this is one reason I selected to write this in present (or should I say.... I tried to write this in present)
I'm sure you and the others will help me accomplish this here, right?
Thank you for reading my story Mac (m)
And yes the word limit did halt the Geneticist part. This story went in a different directions that I intended ... I think the husband Jim was worried about Sam especially when she talked about her parents because he knew this upset his wife. It also caused him pain because she did not want children due the the fact of 'cursed blood' from the unknown ancestry.
And I also can relate to this matter as well.
Thanks for reading and your critique.
Well ..... Thanks for being honest (m)
I've read a few stories on this board that I thought was awful but I didn't have enough balls to tell the person, so I do appreciate you telling me what you think.
I know I Need practice in "tense" area, this is one reason I selected to write this in present (or should I say .... I tried to write this in present)
Thanks for the critique.
Thank you for the critique Sue (m)
I really do appreciate your comments and questions ... this tells me what I need to work on. I know I Need practice in "tense" area, this is one reason I selected to write this in present (or should I say.... I tried to write this in present)
The word limit did halt alot of the info you asked about. This story went in a different directions that I intended and I guess I should have worked on it more before posting.
I'll try to answer some of your questions:
You wrote: who "Jim" was,and why the discusson about him being in the military. (In this sentence I tried to tell the reader that Sam and Jim had been married for sixteen years and they did not have any children): Sixteen years ago, when Jim went into the Navy and Sam graduated from college, they planned to start a family, however they never did.
You wrote: What happened to the father?Did he run off before she was born, or did he die mysteriously, or did the family just refuse to talk about him? This is a mystery. I think I wanted to reader to just know that Sam did not know her father or anything about him, other than he was Italian and her mother told her he had 'cursed blood'.
Thanks for reading my story and I do appreciate your opinion.
That makes sense to me (m)
Thanks for the explanation!
Personally, I feel like whatever tense the writer chooses is their own decision. So just write in whichever one you feel most comfortable with. Keep your chin up, girl! I think you handled the constructive critism you've received well.
Hugs,
Mac
I hate being brutal. It makes me feel bad, but it is what I would want for my stories. nt
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