Tiny Tuesday (m)
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Tiny Tuesday (m)
| Tue, 11-06-2001 - 9:32am |
Tiny Tuesday (m)
Over the next five weeks, let's concentrate on using our five senses to help us improve our writing.
This week, try to write a short story that focuses on sight/eyes.
I can't wait to SEE what you come up with. Happy writing,
Mac

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My TT......I see
I stand behind another boy waiting for my turn. I look at the white walls and listen to all the toy noises. It smells funny. I try to see past the boy, who’s wearing the same clothes I am to see what’s going on.
I’m five and live here, not in this room but a room like it. We play most of the day and then at night, my mom gives me a hug and says, “Goodnight.” I really like when mom hugs me. I count four beds in my room. Mom takes care of many boys, I think I heard her say, “Twenty”
Mom taught me different colors. I learned that all of us have yellow hair, our eyes are blue, our shirts are red, and our shorts are blue. I wear white socks and shoes.
It’s my turn; I walk to the table. I look up to see what’s on it. A blue glass has bubbles in it. A man makes me stick out my arms. He looks at my eyes; he touches my legs and feet. He listens to my heart. I go to a place where a noisy thing tickles me. I hear mom say words, I don’t understand, she says, “I’m a cloning error.”
They take me to a different room. It’s hot. Mom hugs me, it’s dark. Poof!
Here's mine--Jimmy's Eye Exam (m)
Jimmy squirmed nervously in his chair as his mother completed the paperwork that Dr. Mitchell’s assistant had given her.
“You need to go to the bathroom, sweetheart?” she asked.
“No ma’am.”
“Be still then,” she said, and returned her attention to the forms on the clipboard.
All he could think about was the needles his older brother Richard had told him about. He shivered as he recalled in detail Richard’s words. “Now listen up, kid. When the doctor sits you in that chair that’s connected to the machine. They tell you ‘don’t worry this isn’t going to hurt’ but don’t believe them.”
“Why not? What’s going to happen, Richie?” Jimmy had asked.
“Oh, I don’t know if I should you tell.”
“Please tell me,” Jimmy begged.
“Alright.” He remembered the way Richard looked around to make sure their parents weren’t within earshot. “The doctor will pull that big metal thing up to your face. You know what I’m talking about?”
Jimmy nodded that he understood although he had no clue what Richard was referring to.
“The doctor will claim that it won’t hurt but be prepared because these two gigantic needles pop out—” Richie shoved his hands, which were twice the size of his eight-year-old brother’s, towards Jimmy’s face. “—and the thick needles go right through the middle of your eyeballs.”
A wide-eyed Jimmy said, “Does it hurt?”
“Heck yeah, but how else can they check your eyesight?” He gave his brother’s shoulder a quick pat. “It won’t sting long though. Twenty minutes max.”
“Twenty minutes!”
Jimmy was still worrying over the length of time it’d take his eyes to recover when Dr. Mitchell called him back to his office for the exam.
“Okay, son. I want you to place this over your right eye and tell me if you can read the top line on the wall chart,” he said, handing Jimmy a black plastic, spatula-looking instrument.
Jimmy did as instructed and mumbled to the doctor that he could read it.
Several moments of silence passed, and then Dr. Mitchell said, “Well, would you read it out loud to me then?”
The both chuckled and Jimmy successfully read the lines until they became too blurry to read. Afterwards Dr. Mitchell told Jimmy to hop into the chair. Jimmy stared at the machine, knowing at last what type of equipment Richie had been referring to.
“Now, I’m going to have you rest your face directly in front of these two holes here,” Dr. Mitchell maneuvered the arm of the machine until it aligned with Jimmy’s eyes.
Chewing on his bottom lip, Jimmy wiped the palms of his hands on his blue jeans.
“Don’t worry, son. This isn’t going to hurt a bit,” the doctor assured him.
“But what about when the needles go into my eyes? Won’t that hurt?”
“Needles?”
As Jimmy recanted Richard’s story, Dr. Mitchell shook his head and giggled at how the young boy had naively been tricked. Throughout the rest of the exam, he studied on whether he should assist his patient in seeking revenge on his older brother. Before the exam was over, Dr. Mitchell (remembering the times his own brother had pulled pranks on him) decided he would help.
Walking in the house, Jimmy headed straight up to Richard.
“Hey, if it ain’t ole four eyes,” Richard shouted.
“Wow!”
“Wow, what?” Richard said with a little annoyance in his voice. He was really perturbed that his little brother was interrupting the television show he was watching.
“I really did need glasses. I never realized you were so ugly before,” Jimmy said, smiling as he darted out of the room.
Loved it Mac.....Great story n/t
Cute Story Mac. Sounds just like brothers. (n/t)
You were on the ball (m)
and came up with such a creative idea for thie week's exercise. I'm not positive though if I understand how they got rid of the "cloning error" kid. But other than that, I loved the story, Maria.
Mac
Chilling Maria, with Great Style...(m)
I think this could possibly be one of your best pieces. It's well written. It kind of reminded me of, what was that movie with all the blonde, blue-eyed children? "The Stepford Children?" Again. good job! Sammi
Good Read, Mac...(m)
What's the phrase? "Boys will be boys!" Good job on this, Sammi
Hi Mac
you're good, I meant the ending to be puff, meaning instant cremation!
thanks for reading
maria
Hi Sammi
I tried to post to your message last night, and I guess it landed in cyperspace. Thanks for reading and I'm glad that you like my style. Now if I could duplicate that each time I might be able to sell my work so I could pay for tractor parts. I broke the tractor AGAIN!!! LOL
maria
Thanks Maria...glad you liked it! (nt)
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