Hey Everyone - I'm OK - Very tough week

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Hey Everyone - I'm OK - Very tough week
8
Tue, 03-25-2003 - 6:45pm
I don't have time to type what has happened, but I will as soon as I can. I've been really sick, that aside. I also tried to help out a fellow alcoholic. She was drinking when I stopped by, I told her when she sobered up I would go to an AA meeting with her. This was days ago. (I can't be around anyone who is actively drinking, I won't put my sobriety in jeopardy). Well not only has she not sobered up, she's been calling my house, leaving filthy messages, threatening me and she just came by and was slamming on my door trying to get in. Scaring the crap out of my kids. Help, what do I do. All this because I told her I wouldn't sepak to her until she ). Well, I'll write more later. I'm just too shaken up right now. Need your words of comfort and prayers.

Hugs, Shi
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 03-25-2003 - 7:13pm
Hi Shilah - I am so glad you found your way through the maze of the new board - I am still working out the kinks myself. Shi - Here are two very strong suggestions: 1) Find a trusted friend to accompany you and seek this woman out. Firmly and quietly tell her in no uncertain terms she is not to call your home or show up until she has decided to do something about her drinking. Period. No discussion. 2) Call the police and file a complaint. You may have to go as far as a restraining order. Now this may sound extreme, but I have seen this happen many times over the years. Alcoholics can behave very badly - as we both know. But, when it comes to you and your children - NO ONE has the right to scare you, intimidate or threaten or even make you uncomfortable. I know these options may not appeal to you now, but I think swift and stern action might be necessary. I am sure others will have different opinions. The bottom line - trust your gut - remember that is God directing you. Keep us posted, and know that you are not alone. God bless, Leslie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 03-25-2003 - 8:08pm
Thanks for replyng Leslie. I'm still shaken up. I was told this woman has a history of violence but never noticed it before. She is not supposed to be driving as she has had several DWI's, been in jail and has had numerous car accidents. Thank God she hasn't killed anyone. I know if I call the police she'll be going away for a long time. She's in her 50's I think, but shows no signs of wanting to stop. All I told her was that I would be there for here when she sobered up. I can not talk to a drunk, they make no sense, repeat themselves over and over and can get very nasty. I was just in shock when she drove over to my house in a drunken rage banging on my door, shouting obscenities. I regret deeply ever getting involved. I feel for her. But I have to put myself and my family first. I am not a miracle worker. I can not help someone who refuses help and doesn't desire it. Now I'm fearful her or her drunken boyfriend will cause my family harm or damage oour property. I don't need this. My anxiety is at an all time high as it is. My family doesn't need this. I'm just sick over this. Anyway, thanks for your reply. You were absolutely right.

Warmly, Shi

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 7:47am
Shi - Keep us posted - please! Stay strong. You cannot do anything for someone who does not want help - but you CAN take care of yourself and your children! God bless, Leslie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 8:37am
Hi Shi... I agree with Leslie and you.. I cannot count all the times in the past where a drunk wanted to talk.. Its a waste of time in my opinion. They usually don't remember a word you said anyway and there is no making sense of what they say either.. One time I went to a friends house that called for help.. He was drunk and was not interested in talking. I called a male friend to go talk to him and he was met with a gun stuck in his face. Luckily no one was shot..

I also agree that steps need to be taken to stop any threats or visits to your home. You have a right to call the police on this person.. I think that anytime we can help someone to their "bottom" is a good thing. Being arrested and having to learn that for actions there are consequences is not a bad thing.

I guess I can relate because I was that violent type of drunk myself. I know what needed to happen to me... She needs to know you won't except these actions. And letting her know that you would be there for her if she really wants help and to get sober is the best you can do.

You and your families protection and well being must come first.

I also beleive that its always best to never go on a 12 step call alone. Take someone with you...

This to shall pass..

Linda

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 9:19am
Shi, I'm glad nothing happen to your or you Kid's, If she dose it again I would call the cops, Friend or no friend! your safty and your familys come first! lease keep us updated!

Big Hug's Karen
Avatar for rosolo
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 10:07am
Shi....so sorry to hear about that. I am sure you were so

scared for you and your family.

I applaud you reaching out to her and trying to help. It is

a shame she couldn't take the help. Thats part of this

stinkin disease.

Like everyone said, if necessary call the police.

Hugs and prayers your way, and please let us know how you are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2001
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 10:07am
Hi Shi,

I totally agree with the others! I had a friend like that myself and I had to cut all contact with him.

He would call, drunk of course, in the middle of the night, send messages to my cellphone, tons of it and showed up a few times at my house in the middle of the night.

Fortunally for me the situation resolved itself but in your case if she shows up drunk and threatends you and your family then I would call the cops. It sounds like she is also on probation, so if she was to get caught drinking and driving, she would defenitely go away for a long time. When they go to court for DWI then they usually have to get treatment as well in order to keep the probation. And of course, they are not supposed to drink at all.

You can't talk to a drunk about his/her problem, usually something has to happend before they realize they have a problem but I hate to see you get hurt in that process.

HTH

Hugs edith

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 1:38pm
Shi, Sorry to hear of your troubles. Unfortunately, people like this is what makes it tough for us to reach out to others in the first place. You did a good thing trying to help her, and it is too bad she is hurting you and your family like this. DO call the cops if she attempts unwanted contact with you again or if she seems at all abusive or threatening. You are a great person for offering your friendship.

I'm glad to hear that you are doing great with your sobriety. I will be thinking and praying for your health, sobriety, and your safety from this person. Take care.

Nina