Comforting Things

I've been reading alot about the disease, and the way people are affected by it. I read somewhere, that alcoholics are not able to find ways to relax, to comfort themselves without the drinking. For me, the most comforting thing is to read, its so relaxing, and when you're into a good book, you don't even think of drinking (or smoking for that matter, but that's a whole nother story!!). But I notice with H, although since I've been with him, he says he likes to read. And told me the types of books he likes. I went and bought a few for him about 3 years ago. And as far as I know, he hasn't read a single one of them. He just cannot relax himself enough to sit back with a book. I've got hundreds of books, some I re-read. He sees me reading while he is drinking. He tries to engage me in conversation. I tell him "why don't you start reading this book I just bought?" But he just can't do that.

I've also been thinking about when I got divorced, about 8 years ago. I had every other weekend without the kids. I could have just sit there and got completely smashed, but it was very rarely that I would even buy a bottle of wine on those weekends. I spent them reading, listening to my fav. cd's (Sarah McLachlan and Sting). And working on some sewing. These things really kept me going without drinking, thru a really difficult time in my life. But since I've been with H, I haven't done much sewing. If i even leave the room, he's searching all over where am I (comes knocking on the bathroom door!! Like hello, I need some privacy!!). But he's just starving for attention I guess. I really don't know if he's ever been able to be really comfortable with himself, without the drinking.

I had a really easy time this Christmas not drinking much. Because when I'm with my family and friends, I'm really just a very light social drinker. Its when I'm with H, and he's drinking so much, then I tend to join in. But the last few months since the beginning of fall, I've really cut back on that. I've had some bad days where I've gotten into it with him. But I've had WAY more of the good days, where I don't fall into that trap.

Take care everyone, hope I'm not boring you all too much!! Just a little bored I guess!!

Dusty