Thursday's Field Trip (m)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thursday's Field Trip (m)
17
Thu, 01-10-2002 - 9:59am

Thursday's Field Trip (m)


As Maria suggested, let’s add a little “spice” to the Thursday Field Trip. This week let’s go to the gift return line at Wal-Mart and write a short scene. Think about what you would see and hear (and smell if you’re behind the big fat guy who hasn’t bathed in three weeks-LOL).

Happy writing,

Mac

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Thu, 01-10-2002 - 2:51pm

My First and Last Trip to Wal-Mart


I’ve waited until now, January 15th, in hopes that the crowds at the store have diminished, to return my Chia Pet Christmas Pig from my Aunt Marge to Wal-Mart. Truly, I thought these things went out with Angle Flight pants and Bee Gee albums back in the seventies. Leave it to Aunt Marge to find one of these things.

Unbelievable! I have been driving around Wal-Mart’s massive parking lot for ten minutes attempting to find a parking spot. I never shop here and I’m beginning to wonder why I’ve even bothered to come. Whose idea was it to allow all these campers to park in a shopping store parking lot? Good lord, look at all the children with these moms! Aren’t they aware of the population explosion going on in the world? Our lack of clean water, air, need for bio-developed of food! I think I need to…oh wait, there’s a parking spot, finally.

“Hello, welcome to Wal-mart!”

“Uh, oh, hello.” They have people who greet you here? You’ve got to be kidding me.

Well, their return-customer service station is convenient. Oh MY! Look at this line. Do I really want to stand in this line? I don’t want to keep this thing in my home, and to throw it away only adds to the landfill, so I’ll just do the right thing and wait.

Honestly, if I’d had kids, I wouldn’t spend one minute out in public if they screamed like that. The mother in overalls is threatening to paddle little Johnny if he doesn’t behave. Oh, that makes sense. That’ll do the trick, THEN he’ll quit screaming. I don’t know if I can bare this a minute more. At least the line is moving fairly fast. One more person in front of me, and then I’m outta here.

Look at the people around the food counter. Oh, the smell, onions gone bad! Hot dogs, cheese nachos, pretzels…Yuck! And we wonder why American’s are overweight…H –E-L-L-O!

The woman in front of me has shuffled her way to the return counter. She is, maybe, four feet tall, and wearing a long beige swing coat that hangs to her ankles. Her shoes are square at all angles and chunky, and they turn out like ducks feet. Her large oval shaped sunglasses are bigger than her face, and sit at the very tip of her nose. The glasses slid down squeezing the fat tip of her nose, and it is that bulb that holds them there. On her lips the remnants of a burgundy lipstick. Her orange-red hair is short, frazzled, and the back of her head has the imprint of where she slept last night. If she combed her hair at all, she missed the back, for sure. She has hung her metal cane that has a crook at the neck of the handle from the counter, and she’s pulling an orange florescent blouse out of a bag that she is now holding up to herself.

“I just can’t believe that my sister, Roberta, god love her, would even consider this color, ORANGE, for god sakes, my color? What was she thinking? I mean, look at me, do you see me wearing orange with this red hair, and polyester, no less. GAAAD, and JUST LOOK at this neckline, as if I would ever wear something THIS revealing. Roberta, she wants me to date Mr. Hammerstien. I tell her, ‘He’s not my type. He’s TOO daring.’ But does she listen! Oh, NOOO, not Roberta. Aww-oh deary I’m sure she paid full price. Certainly you must know that Hanukkah begins on the 10th of December, and this present my sister gave to me on the 10th of December, so I expect to receive the full price in return.”

As I listen to this crazy woman telling her story to the Wal-Mart employee who is completely enthralled while the return line grows by the dozens, it occurs to me that I can go home, hammer and smash my Chia Pet Pig to bits and scatter them in my garden. I step out of the line, and hold myself back from running out of the store. I swear to myself as I slide into my car and slam the door that I will never come back here again!

The end...thank god! 8-) kat

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2003
Thu, 01-10-2002 - 4:43pm

I feel the same way about WalMart...


Loved your descriptions - the parking lot, screaming kids, food area, and the customer (really liked the bed-head thing). You have inspired me to write my field trip now!

Avatar for countrygal23
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-10-2002 - 5:50pm

I WANT my money back !


Thorn walked into Wal-mart at eight-o-clock hoping he would beat the return line rush. He sighed; the line was longer than a line waiting to see the newest hit movie. He advanced to the last person in line who must wear a size 2XL reminding him why he was here.

His dear grandma had sent him a nice, blue sweater in a Child’s size. So she hadn’t seen him for several years but really, she should have known he was sixteen. His eyes darted back and forth as he watched all the activity around him. Thorn checked his watch it read 8:30. At least now only five people stood in his way to the cute girl with the fake smile at the service desk.

He listened to the short woman; “I want my money back. I don’t want a gift card. No, I don’t have a receipt.” The girl patiently explained the situation and the woman stomped away.

Next came a middle aged man who resembled Tony Danza. “I’m returning these jeans. I bought them in Arizona at Wal-mart. No, I don’t have a receipt but I could call them to send me one. Aren’t all Wal-marts the same?”

The smile of the young girl employee was worn as she once again explained the store’s policy. She was interrupted by an overweight woman, “Excuse me, may I use your phone? Yes, it’s local.”

Thorn listened as the woman called Pizza Hut and ordered two large pizzas. He couldn’t believe the gall of some people he thought as he shifted his weight.

Then an older woman spoke to the girl. “I need to return this microwave. It just stopped working. I bought it two years ago;” she said then went on to explain the whole trauma.

Finally Mr.2XL who smelled like a bottle of combination of sweat and Brut stood at the desk. “I’m returning these CDs. Why do I have to go to electronics? Can’t they come up here?”

Thorn thought like some exercise would hurt him. He watched the guy as he left grumbling.

Thorn flashed her a smile noticing her name, which was Katieica. She took the blue sweater with her long, ring clad fingers.

“A gift card will be fine.” He said noticing the policy posted in front of the cash register.

Katieica beamed him with a genuine smile. He glanced at his Timex, it read 9:15 and thought that girl had a long day ahead of her.

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Avatar for countrygal23
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-10-2002 - 5:56pm

LOL Kat, I laughed till I cried....Great job!!!! n/t


Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 01-10-2002 - 6:26pm

What a great ending (m)


I loved all the descriptions and felt like I was in line with her. Did you happen to see Saturday Night Live (or one those late night shows) when they had the Al Gore Chia Pet? Water it and watch his beard grow-LOL.

Your story was fun and kept me laughing. Thanks!

Mac

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 01-10-2002 - 6:35pm

For a minute there (m)


I thought Thorn and Katiecia were going to hook-up. Romance at the Walmart. I thought your cast of characters were right on, Maria.

Great job,

Mac

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Thu, 01-10-2002 - 8:32pm

So he never met the pizza delivery person...


if he made it out by 9:15. Was the pizza order made by an employee or a customer? Like Mac, I thought Thorn would find a little romance at the returns counter, lol. I could picture the suffering, oh yes.

Katieica is a lovely name. How would I pronounce it?

If you plan to work on this story further, take a look for punctuation/comma placement. For example, "Thorn checked his watch it read 8:30."

Great piece. Thanks for posting!

Eyewrite

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Thu, 01-10-2002 - 10:00pm

Adventures in Wal-Mart...


Adventures in Wal-Mart

“Momeeeeeeeee!” wails a pink-faced ponytail. She clutches her corduroy pants’ zipper with both fists and dances the potty dance.

Mom, I think it’s mom, babbles into her cell phone, that she balances in between long French-manicured claws, and gazes well above her daughter’s head. Mom wears painted-on pants and chunky boots, and smells of Chanel No. 5 mixed with the onions from the in-store Macdonald’s. And I’m seven people behind her.

It looks to me like Mom wants to return an incomplete set of lima bean-colored Lee Press-on Nails.

“Pot-teeeeeeee!” adds the girl, yet Mom pays no attention.

The rest of the line tries hard to do the same.

It’s been seventeen minutes and the line hasn’t budged. Ten people have joined the line behind me and still Wal-Mart has only one harried clerk working the returns counter. She yawns every two minutes and doesn’t listen to the retired man in front of her. He explains, for the sixth time, the epic saga behind the purchase of super-absorbency Equate maxi pads, and the unsuitability of said pads to keep his trousers dry.

“It’s my incontinence, see…” he begins.

I can recite the story from memory. I shift my stocking stuffer, the cellophane package of flowered XXXL granny briefs, to my left arm and groan.

“Associates, remember to tidy your area and mop up any spills immediately so there will be no accidents for customers or fellow associates. Please note these in your log books…”

This is the fourth time I’ve heard this. Do any of the associates even notice the announcements? The voice has the tune-out-ability that voice professionals must take years to perfect.

Hooray! The maxi pads vanish behind the counter and their previous owner moves to the water fountain; he misdirects the flow to his pants. Shoulda kept those pads, mister.

We move forward several people-lengths because the customer at the counter is actually an entire family entourage. Granny wears a yellow sari, accented with a stylish silver cane. Granddad wears his arms crossed across his chest and a deep, permanent frown on his face. We have two uncles and three aunts and a smattering of kids. We have two strollers and a buggy filled with items to return.

Sheets. A humidifier. A drill. Snow tires. Cookies. Each with a separate bill and a different person to step forward and explain. Oh goody.

I turn my attention instead to the clerk in checkout six. He wears the requisite blue vest, only he’s customized it with aluminum buttons that clink together when he reaches down for plastic bags. One button says “How are you today?” and two buttons have smiley faces. Another button tells me this fellow has been a member of the Wickninny UFO Admirers club.

Lars, at least I think that’s what his name badge says, scans an item, verifies the barcode number on the item with the number on the display, then places the item into its own, new bag. Then reaches for the next item. He’s still on the same customer, a blue muumuu buying enough canned goods to stock a trans-Atlantic freighter. And thanks to Lars’ attention to detail, the muumuu’s got enough grey Wal-Mart bags to open her own store.

“You could use those to wax your car.”

Huh? I turn my head towards the voice.

“Really, you don’t have to return those,” says the nose-ringed, bearded minister behind me. He has the white collar, that’s how I know. “You could use those as rags around the house or garage.”

“Thanks,” I smile. “What’s wrong with your Styrofoam cups?”

“Oh, no,” he shakes his red ringlets. “Each of these has a pinhole in them. Can’t use them for coffee fellowship nights.”

“Right. How about a craft for Sunday School?” I suggest. “Maybe a plant-a-bean-in-soil-and-watch-it-grow activity?”

He grins.

“Looks like we talked each other out of waiting in line. Buy you coffee?”

“Why not?”

We make our way over to the in-store Macdonald’s and join – another line.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Thu, 01-10-2002 - 10:24pm

Oh, I too was expecting a romance...(m)


Good suggestion for our Thursday Field trip and fun!

Good Job, Maria! kat

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Thu, 01-10-2002 - 10:26pm

Hey, thanks! I'll look forward to reading about your trip to Wally World! kat (n/t)


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