What a day!
Boy do I ever relate! What a great feeling to wake up with a clear mind and not the dread from the night before. For the last 7.5 months I have been able to do so and I am so very thankful for that.
Last week was not an easy week for me between work (the drama continues) and dealing with Bob's (my cat) non stop crying. In the past I would have come home last night and numbed all my thoughts and feelings. Today I would have woken up feeling worse than ever because on top of all the dilemas in life, I would be nursing a hangover.
Yesterday was a scorcher here in Boston, 108 degrees. On top of the heat we had no AC (due to a power surge late last night) which kept my DH & I awake most of the night. Since we had very little sleep last night I expect this will be a low key day for us. That's fine by me, I can use the rest for next week when our department will be having a meeting with HR to discuss the issues that have been happening.
I'm dreading this meeting very much! Through all of this I'm learning that I absolutely hate confrontation and I think I've avoided it as much as possible most of my life. I hate being "put on the spot". Why I always feel so guilty about things that are completely out of my control is beyond me but that's the way I am. It seems that the more I tried to stay out of the line of fire at work, I still feel like I'm in the middle of it. I have been nothing but honest when questioned about things that are happening in the department and now I feel like it's all coming back to haunt me. Some of my co-workers (who were also questioned) have now renigged on what they originally said so here I stand alone.
Last night I layed in bed and prayed to God and my HP's to take these feelings of: injustice, mistrust and anger away. I asked for help in saying the right things at this meeting. I guess I'm just going to have to trust that I won't be alone in all of this and stay true to my word.
Thanks for listening and have a wonderful sober day!Jo Ann
Hi Jo Ann,
One of the most important things I have learned is honesty.
Gratitude is a miracle and sobriety is the biggest miracle of all. Your post was a joy to read and think, "Yes, I know exactly what she means - I feel the same way!!!"
Thank you for being here for us, Brenda, and reminding me that each day I am sober, I am a "roaring, smashing, success"!Love ya, girl.Leslie
Whoa! It's hot up there! No wonder you haven't slept. I would be cranky too. Hopefully you can get some relief soon. And poor Bob. You'll get through this though, it will pass :)
Thanks Brenda and Jolene for your advice. Jolene, I've started reading Co-dependant No More and I am definately seeing myself in the book. In reading the book and thinking about the situation at work, I can honestly say that I feel that I have handled the situation appropriately. This ordeal has been going on since I started working at the hotel last fall. I've stayed out of it up until the last few weeks when I was questioned by the new management team that came in in April. Now I'm kicking myself for coming forward and being honest with the new management team.
Two women in our department have been causing caos since I first started working at the hotel last fall. At first I didn't concern myself with anything because I wasn't in the line of fire and I didn't want to get involved. Many people have been resigning and HR has been trying to get to the bottom of all the problems in the department because they're being questioned by Corp. office. The new management team has been great and it's been a nice change to have them on board. Part of them coming in has involved conversations with the staff about what has been going on and now that things have come out in the open it seems that the two women have been addressed by HR and the executive committee. I made the mistake of telling the new front of house manager that he could use my name because he said that a lot of people were afraid to do so in fear of the repercusions. Her I was, staying out of it all and then in the end I wind up being caught right in the middle of it! One of my co-workers who also said that her name could be used renigged on what she said and told our supervisor (one of the women) that she didn't know why she said what she said, she was sorry, she didn't mean to get anyone in trouble. Now here I am, caught in the line of fire.
Saturday I had a meeting with my emmediate supervisor and I told her that I wasn't trying to get anyone in trouble by speaking to the front of house manager, I was simply feeling uncomfortable at work. I basically told her everything I had told her boss and the reasons why I felt the way I did. She seemed supportive but I can't really be sure because I know that she is also trying to cover her tracks. The bottom line is that I'm not so sure if I can trust her, or anyone at this point.
The meeting tommorow will be with more than just my department. It's with the entire front of house staff, HR and the general manager. I haven't spoken with the front of house manager since my discussion with my supervisor so I don't really know how much I should say at this meeting. I won't be able to talk to him before the meeting (unless I call him today) because it starts as soon as I get to work. At this point I think I'm just going to say that I feel that the communication level has improved in the work environment since the new managers have come on board and leave it at that. My biggest fear is that if I were to say how uncomfortable it is right now (since being honest with the new management team), I'll be the only one to say anything.
Until then I'm just giving it to God and my HP. Hoping that all will turn out o.k. Thanks for letting me vent and get some of this frustration off my chest.