Becoming aware of my drinking.

Avatar for lucky30605
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Becoming aware of my drinking.
12
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 8:21am

This is the first time I've really looked at my drinking habits. I always knew I hated hangovers but never really took steps to stop them. I have been looking at all of the reasons I drink. Anxiety, celebration, boredom, anger and peer pressure. If you have been following my posts you'll know that I am moderating my drinking. I am allowing myself 2 drinks per day and one binge on either Friday or Saturday. Hey, it's a start. I was drinking about 3-4 a day with about 3 drunks per week. I was getting very sick in the morning and very anxious.

Now, after my 2nd drink, I look at why I want a 3rd. I realized that half the time I wasn't even thinking about it. Just one before dinner, one with dinner and two afterward in the evening. Sometimes a 5th drink in the bath with The Professor (makes orgasm a bit difficult, though;)) But most of the time, like last night, I am either bored or anxious. It's the end of the day and I really just want to chill. But then my first drink actually energizes me for about an hour. The second one sustains that feeling for about 15 minutes and the rest just make me sick. Last night, after my 2nd, I was thinking about the 3rd and wondering why. It was mostly that I didn't want to hear Pez's (8yo ds) chatter while I was watching a movie. He talks non-stop when he's playing his Nintendo. He gives me a play-by-play and I don't want to hear it. But he wants to be near me so he plays while I'm watching TV. Drinking helps me concentrate on one thing.

Well, I did not have the 3rd drink last night AND was able to enjoy the movie I was watching by simply telling him that he can tell me about everything tomorrow (and I've become a fan of OnDemand). Everyone was happy. Most importantly I did not wake with a hangover!

Go me!

Lucky

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 8:58am

Lucky,


A popular line here is "think the drink". You did that! Great job. Baby steps my dear, you'll get there.


I too drank for every reason you listed. And hit it the nail on the head, the first and second DO ENERGIZE you. What a lot of people don't know is that 1 drink is the downer, the 2nd and so on become a stimulant-YES a

Avatar for lucky30605
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 2:14pm

Hi Jolene,

If I get stuck at a plateau I might read the book. Right now I am ok, but thanks.

I think with the first drink being a "downer" it releaves all tension. That may make me feel energized. I know there is that euphoria some talk of. That must be it.

My moderation is going quite well and I am even considering cutting down to one per day. And with my new love for hangover-less mornings, I may cut my weekend bingeing down, also. But like you said, baby steps. Friday night a musician friend of mine is going over to jam with another friend of mine and they invited me to play drums. I know positively that I will be drinking, but maybe not to the excess I did last weekend. I really do like waking up without diarreah and dizziness.... Plus, Saturday morning I am filming a movie. I am doing a Starwars battle scene reinactment with little kids. I do NOT want to let these little dudes down, either.

Lucky

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 4:43pm

Lucky,


I found the book and I will quote it:"Conquestly, alcohol has immediate and profound effects on behavior. At low doses, alcohol stimulates the brain cells, and the drinker feels happy, talkative, energetic, and euphoric. After one or two drinks, the normal drinker may experience some improvement in thought and performance. As the BAL rises, however, the amount of alcohol in the brain also rises, and alcohol begins to disrupt the brain's electricaland chemical circuitry, causing complicated behavior changes.".


So there, the energy you feel is truly there, but not for long. If I keep doing this, you won't have to buy the book-LOL!




palmtrees and breezes


~Jolene~


"Community Leader for Alcohol Problems Board"



Host for Tuesday night chat at 9pm est


"You never know what we might talk about..."


Click here for the :AlcoholProblemsChatroom


Avatar for lucky30605
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 5:36pm

OK, so here's a question for you. If the best feelings are after one or two drinks, why do we continue past that?

My thought is that it would be much more fun and healthy to be a one or two a day drinker so you can always feel the good effects of alcohol?

Lucky

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 8:43pm

Exactly! Why do we do it? It depends on which stage you are in. If you are in

Avatar for carol777
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 9:54pm

As you are OK with your drinking
you do not need my help.

I wish you happiness...

Avatar for lucky30605
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 8:03am

Do you really think I am OK with my drinking? You know, I am getting there. Funny how I came to an alcohol problems board only to find out that I may not have a problem after all.

I think moderation is the answer for a lot of heavy, binge and habitual drinkers who may not be alcoholics? Does that make sense?

Lucky

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 8:36am

Lucky,


I wish I could debate this with you, but I can't. This is not a debate board. The purpose of this board is for those who have alcohol problems.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2001
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 10:46am

HI Lucky,

I have posted several replies to you and read several others, most recently Jolene's #9. That is an excellent repsonse. Lucky, I believe what your missing is that each of us must make our own decision about what to do or not to do when we question whether or not we have a drinking problem. I am here to share my experience strength and hope with others. It's called service. I do this for a couple of reasons. One reason is it helps me, and the second reason is I attempt to help others. In trying to help others I do so with the realization that the choice of what they want to do is solitarily theirs.

Somewhere in one of your posts telling of your progress towards moderation you mentioned you are down to once a week with binging. Well, that may be progess but it still adds up to 52 times a year. Fifty-two wasted days in a life that might be short. I never have said I don't think you have an alcohol problem. I, also, never said I think you do.I think, you think, you might and are looking for validation of that part of you that thinks you don't. You might not get that here as Jolene so wisely inferes. Most of us
tried moderation before we finally chose abstinence and now we are alive, well and productive.

We can face challenges head on. We are able to accept those things we cannot change, we can change the things we can, and we have the wisdom to know the difference. We are recovering. That's a life time goal----one day at time. When I focus on the NOW and live for the moment, forget about the other stuff of the past and refuse to worry about the future I am living the right way and have power. It's terrific. My suggestion is to try it, it might work real well for you. I learned all this good stuff through a fellowship called Alcoholics Anonymous. They saved my life. My Higher Power whom I observe as God directed me there. Corny, hey? But it works.

Service in recovery,

Paul

Castaway


A Friend in Recovery


Paul

Avatar for lucky30605
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 2:28pm

To Paul and ALL:

How can I put this? I think I feel like a migraine sufferer who has been inadvertently posting on the brain tumor board and is being told by some that I should be checked out for brain cancer. By others I'm being told that even if it is just a migraine, I should still be scared. When in reality, it's just a headache and it's not going to kill me or shorten my life, it's just bugging me and I would like to know what others do to feel better.

I clearly do not belong here as most of my questions do sound like debate. For instance, I would ask you why you consider MY binge days "wasted" days when I don't consider them wasted days? Is everyone who gets drunk an alcoholic? If you drink every day but don't get drunk are you still considered sober? What is sober?

I have many more questions and NONE are my attempts at validation. ALL are my attempts to learn.

I initially came here to find support for moderation. NOT validation. I do not need anyone to tell me that I am doing the right thing, I already know that. I was simply looking for others who do not want to quit drinking but who want to have a healthy relationship with alcohol. 99% of you do not have the control it takes for moderation. I say that because one of you posted a quote to me: "It has been said that when you try to control your alcohol, it is already controlling you." This is not true for me. And I wonder how many of you believe you have a problem simply because of this quote.

"Once you believe you are powerless, you are." That's the quote I prefer to live by.

I may check back in in a few months just to say "HA, I told you so." And maybe once per year after that, just to harrass you. BUT, I also promise that if I decide that abstaining is in my best interest I will check this board out right away.

Good luck to all of you and thank you for the warm welcome. You've all been very helpful, more than you can imagine.

Lucky

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