Binge drinking (long)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2004
Binge drinking (long)
11
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 12:48pm
Well, I have lurked around for a time, not too much though, usually only after I have once again made an ass out of myself over the weekend or worse and feel guilty for it Monday morning, like now. I have been toying with the idea of giving up alcohol entirely for some time now, this last year I have been out of control on more occasions then I care to admit. I rarely drink during the week or even on the weekends, but on average, every three weeks or so I go out and party HARD. I feel like I am just biding my time until something terrible happens to me or I accidentaly hurt or kill someone else by drinking and driving etc. I have friends who go out with me, but it gets very late, they want to leave and go home, so I tell them to and end up drunk and blacking out at a club or some bar until I feel ready to make it home and pass out. I have ended up meeting people and hanging out talking about things I would never tell another soul, then cannot remember thier faces for my life. I have walked to my car so drunk I cant sometimes find it, I've slept with friends and ruined our friendship because we both know it was a mistake and the list goes on and on. I think about this dangerous behavior and honestly get scared. I mean, not only could I kill someone or myself, but walking home or around at 3 in the morning completely blotto, its like I might as well have a target taped to my back that says mug me, assault me or god knows what. Sadly, this behavior was ok and everyone I knew did it in our twenties, now I am pushing 36 and still paryting like I did then, but now, I end up being the one to stay out even later, pretty pathetic. I do this on average of once a month or so and dont really crave alcohol in between, its as if I let it build up. So, now I am thinking that its all or nothing. I have tried moderation, but when the party really gets going and all the fun starts I just cant stop ordering more and more drinks, not only for me but everyone else too! My bar bill is killing me. I dont see AA as a real option for me, I am not a group gal and think I may just have to decide that my days of any drinking is over period, much like I had to do with my two pack a day cigarette problem I finaly let go of 3 years ago, caffeine 4 years ago etc etc. I think its safe to say I have an addictive personality. Anyway, sorry this is so long, I think I just needed to get this written down to see that this really is a problem. Thanks for listening!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 1:58pm

Hi Lucky,

It's nice to see you posting again. I too have been in your situation many times. I am also the type that struggles to get through a weekend without drinking. And I also cannot seem to moderate when I do drink. I may intend to only have a few drinks, but once my mind starts reacting to the alcohol, my mind is then distorted and it is usually just begging for more alcohol. I used to be more of a problem drinker, I did drink every weekend, but a reasonable amount. Then I would go on these binges that would last 4 days usually and I was literally drunk for the 4 days. Then out of boredom basically these binges just turned into almost daily drinking. Not getting drunk daily, some days it was one beer. But regardless, it became too "normal" for me to drink. I felt like crap all the time and had no energy.

for about the past 3 weeks or so I have been trying to not drink. This has been both a success and a failure. I have slipped a few times and drank because of the situation I was in. That is one thing I still don't know how I will handle- going out with friends to bars and not drinking. I have been pretty successful keeping the alcohol out of the house though. That is usually my problem, if it's in the house I will drink it.

Moderation works for some people. I was a member of mm for awhile. I was able to abstain often, but for me having 2-3 drinks at a time is just getting warmed up. On a normal night out, I can usually drink 10 or more mixed drinks, if they are small and not made real strong.

I'm not into the AA program at all either. I hope some day to be able to completely abstain. Right now I do take it one day at a time though, sometimes one minute at a time. I do also read the online forums for smart recovery. I have not been able to post though because my computer always error's on the screen. And I'm not sure if I should be endorsing other sites here, but it is a very, very active site. Lots of information. This site I like though because it is smaller and you really get to know each of the regular posters. I have been keeping an online journal and that has really helped me to be honest and true to myself.

Wow, this turned into a mini novel of my own. If you have any specific questions that you would like to ask, then please post. I'm sure the other great members here will be along to share their advice.

See ya, Tracy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 4:48pm

Hi Lucky, I am glad you came back and posted. The way you described your drinking reminded me of me, and I know what its like. Abstinence may be the way to go. I have a question for you: What do you have to lose by giving AA a try? It is free and anonymous and you do not have to say a word - you can just listen.

You know already that I am a member of AA and that it has worked for me. Others here have also stopped other ways. Whatever you decide is up to you!
Take care and God bless,
Leslie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2004
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 5:04pm
Well, thanks for the kinds comments and replies! As for my disinclination to attend A.A. I know its helped millions of people, a lifesaver for so many! And I think it wonderful. I have been to A.A. meetings before, gone to meeting with friends who were afraid to go by themselves (ironic huh?) and while I intend to offend nobody, it just seems that in every crowd there is a zealout of some type who thinks (and preaches) that this way is the only way, and seems to take it upon themselves to interpret how things should be for everyone else in the room, pointing out who is doing what wrong, etc etc. I have little tolerance for this type of behavior as it would seem to me recovery is and should be different for everyone. Again, I am not knocing A.A., and this type of behavior is definitely not exclusive to the recovery movement either, I see this at my church occasionaly and I just find it so annoying and just plain icky! Then again, my fuse has always been a little short and tolerance as well as a little more patience is something I know I could benefit from. Anyway, that's why cant really see A.A meetings as a place I would feel comfortable at the moment, but hey, I will never say never!
Thanks again!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 7:51pm
Oh Lucky, I couldn't agree more. The people that choose to "preach" are in every facet of life - including AA. AA is surely not perfect. I was told to "take what I needed and leave the rest". That helped when someone would really get under my skin. Anyway, your openmindedness with help you find what you are looking for - no matter which path you choose.
Take care - one day at a time.
Leslie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 8:33pm

Hello and welcome Lucky. You are my second Lucky here! I am glad you finally posted. It's good to come out of lurkdom-LOL!


Congrats to you on wanting to have a better relationship with yourself and alcohol. What are your plans? You can stop drinking, but you need tools. Do you have a good support group at home? May I suggest using the very sight for support.


So, do you have any questions? We are here for you. Let us know....




palmtrees and breezes


~Jolene~


"Community Leader for Alcohol Problems Board"



Host for Tuesday night chat at 9pm est


"You never know what we might talk about..."


Click here for the :AlcoholProblemsChatroom


Avatar for lucky30605
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 03-07-2006 - 8:37am

Hi Tracy,

I am learning lots of things from Moderation.org. It's Moderation Management's website. Although you may need to eventually abstain forever, it's not a bad idea to start cutting down right away. I have a couple of ideas for you (if you are not quite ready to abstain).

First, the next time you go out, simply count your drinks. Then, the next time, try reducing that by 10%. So, if you drink 15 drinks on a normal night, stop at 13.5. Keep reducing by 10%. This worked for me because I was not counting my drinks. I would just keep drinking until they poured me into the car (or I poured my ownself in to drive home!).

Another thing you might try is leaving your credit cards at home. Bring cash only. When the cash is out, order soda water.

Also, drink water between drinks.

These are all harm reduction techniques that seem to work for me. If you are not ready to abstain, at least please try harm reduction right away.

Stay safe,

Lucky

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2001
Tue, 03-07-2006 - 2:04pm

HI Lucky,

Lucky, welcome to our little neighborhood. I believe what you have written is a plea for help and support. I have read your note a few times and thought about my response for the last few hours. I did a little math and figured that on an annual basis you put your safety and the safety of others in jeopardy about 17 times. A repetative and serious problem with alcohol. No excessive drinking is safe and binge drinking is the most dangerous of all. This qoute caight my eye, "I don't see AA as an option for me, I'm not a group gal, etc." But consider this, Lucky, you drink in a group and that results in potentially dangerous sexual relationships and other unstable behaviors. Drinking solitarily is not a remedy, either. Honestly, I don't think an attempt at moderation will work.

I don't know what will work. I can share with you that AA has worked (is working) for me.
If there was ever a loner in human history it was me. I was sociable when I was drunk or even when I "had a few." Now, I love meeting new people and exchanging experiences with complete strangers. So much so in fact I have to check myself about becoming boorish.
If you have read this far, I guess I'm not.

Lucky, I do know this, AA is worth a try for you. It's a valid option for you to recover.
It does not come with a guarantee. The more effort we put in to the program the better or chances of healing. I am living testimony of that. Make your choice AA or an alternative. We are responsible for our own efforts towards healing no matter what our choice. Personally, I have used my Higher Power as my guide. I may be preachy, sound corny as all get out but I speak the truth about how it is for me. Goodluck and Godbless.
Please move in to our neighborhood it's a cool place. Full of good caring folks.

Service in recovery,

Paul

Castaway


A Friend in Recovery


Paul

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 03-07-2006 - 5:50pm
Lucky, I owe you an apology! I saw your name and thought you were our other "Lucky" - whoops! I am very sorry for the mix-up. Nevertheless, I am delighted you have come out of lurkdome and how you will keep coming back!
God bless,
Leslie
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 12:46am
Hi Lucky,
Welcome to the board. I hope that you can find what you need here to help you in whatever way you choose. Everyone is so welcoming and friendly and I know that I am glad to have found them.
Take care,
April
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2004
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 10:41am
Well, everyone has been so kind with their advice, comments etc, thanks! I dreamt last night that I was at an upcoming birthday party and while my old group all had beers and drinks, I had nothing, wasnt drinking, and it was the strangest experience. Nobody seemed to notice (except me) and it was, I guess the word I am looking for is relieved. I was handling it, I would be able to drive home and still do something with my next day off! Wow, what a concept! hahahahaha Anyway, maybe this is just my mind preparing myself for what is to come, I dont know, still, it was nice.
My plan for the future is simply to not drink and see how it goes, if I cant manage that route on my own ( I do have people in my life to support me in this decision), then I will consider my alternatives, either way, I feel pretty good about my decision, one day at a time right? Thanks again!

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