Does He Have an Alcohol Problem?
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| Tue, 03-21-2006 - 9:13am |
This is regarding my husband. He has been a drinker ever since I've known him (8 years). I, too, am a moderate social drinker. He drinks mostly beer because he says he likes the taste. However, he also drinks wine and hard liquor if they are in the house. I've only seen him actually acting "drunk" once. I tend to think this is because he's developed a tolerance.
Here is an idea of what he drinks. In one night this past week, I've seen him drink two of the 24 oz. cans of beer. Also, last night (a different night) he drank 4 12 oz. bottles. In addition to that, he usually has at least one mixed drink a night (tequila, vodka or rum). He normally purchases the hard liquor himself. I have never been happy about it, but he's always been able to function.
This all came to a head because I had a visitor staying in the house. She pointed out to me before she left (not in the presence of my husband) that since he purchased a bottle of rum on Friday night (yesterday being Monday) that it was half empty. This was a 750 ml size bottle. She asked me if I am in denial about this. I said no, I'm not in denial, I just didn't think it was that much of a problem because he CAN function. She then pointed out to me that a lot of people who are alcoholics can function daily and still have a drinking problem. One time since I've known him, he was able to switch to non-alcoholic beer. But it only lasted about two weeks.
I spoke to him this morning and asked him why did he drink 4 bottles of beer last night (it was obvious that the bottles were gone out of the 6 pack). His response was, "Don't lecture me" so I let it drop. He tends to blame all of this on his stressful job.
It was suggested to me to try to do an intervention, since he IS in denial. I'm just really scared and nervous. I don't even want him to know I posted this. I have a trusted person who can assist me with the intervention, and who I believe has experience in matters such as this. Should I just let that person lead when we talk to him? I'm afraid he's (husband) just going to be resentful that this is coming from me. Please help with any suggestions. Thank you.

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Hi mominarizona. I mostly lurk here, but post occasionally. I have an alcohol problem, though I am currently abstaining. The decision to abstain was totally my own. My drinking was not causing major problems, but I think it was headed there. I can totally relate to the amount of alcohol your husband is drinking. Except I never had half a bottle of anything left on Monday morning. I functioned just fine, albeit most of the time with a hangover.
I'm posting now because I wanted to tell you that in my particular case, an intervention would not have done any good. It would have made me angry and resentful. I would've felt betrayed by my husband if he were the one to set it up. I would've said whatever I needed to in order to end the intervention and then I would've gotten drunk.
I am in NO way an expert. I don't know the success rate of interventions. I can just put myself in your husband's place and know how I would respond.
My husband is a saint for the things he's put up with. He never made excuses for me to other people if I got drunk and made a fool of myself. He never made me feel that it was okay to do what I was doing. He also never pushed me to quit. I have to say that is one of the main reasons that I'm trying so hard to abstain now. The best thing he could've done was to let me know he'd be there when I was ready. I can only imagine how hard it was for him to stand back and wait.
I'm sorry for what you're going through. It always breaks my heart to hear this story from the other side.
I know that people far more experienced than me will be along to help you shortly. I hope you find the answers you need.
Take care,
Tracy
Welcome....
I suggest you get info on the disease of alcoholism.
Order "Under The Influence" from Amazon
its sequel
"Beyind The Influence
Hold off on the intervention idea until you know more.
Alanon is a great place for you to deal with living with him.
Let us know how you are doing...
Well, I appreciate the suggestion. But it would be very hard to order/read a book without him seeing or finding out.
What do you mean, "Alanon"? I thought that was for the alcoholics themselves. What is the contact info?
You also wrote, "Hold off on the intervention idea until you know more". Can you please expound on that? Know more about what's going on with him? Or know more myself about how to do an intervention? I'm not being sarcastic here-I'm just confused.
It was also brought up to me that this may be a one time incident. If it is, then maybe it will resolve.. I'll just have to keep watching.
Anyhow, thanks for your response.
Hi. I am a heavy drinker who just recently started cutting back. I know I would have been terribly embarrassed if someone talked to me about my drinking. It certainly would not have helped.
He may not know all the facts about the health problems that can be caused by too much alcohol. And you may not know all the facts about the health benefits of moderate drinking (but I think the limit is 3 per day for men). I think the book one of the other posters talks about might be a good place to start to research the health ramifications. Also, you could look around at the Moderation Management website www.moderation.org. They give advice on cutting back and abstaining.
It sounds like he probably doesn't think he has a problem. One mixed drink per night and a once weekly of 4 beers? I may be way off here but he definetely won't think he has a problem. That's a lot less than some men I know (not that their drinking is healthy all the time). I would follow the advice of the other poster and hold off on any intervention until you know more about alcoholism.
BTW, a 750ml bottle of liquor has about 14 shots in it, enough for 14 mixed drinks.
Good luck. Please keep us updated. There is a lot of good advice on this board.
Lucky
Hi there and welcome,
Alanon is for the family members and loved ones who are affected by someones alcohol consumption. Alcohol Anonymous (AA)is for the organization for the person who drinks, although, others may attend meetings.
You can get more information on line about Alanon and alcoholism. It is not necessarily the amount someone drinks that causes the problem, it is the way an individual metabolizes the alcohol. If you are seeking additional information you could check into those sites.
You can be a functioning alcohol and binge drink only on the weekends, you can also be a functioning alcohol and get drunk and pass out every night, you may also binge drink only once in awhile and be an alcoholic.
No one can really give you yes and no answers regarding your DH's drinking. You can however with additional knowledge decide what might be the best route for you to explore.
Peace,
Rose
No Lucky, that's not right. I hope I didn't confuse you. It is 4 beers AND one mixed drink. All of that is nightly, not weekly. Sorry about that. But it was enligthening to know that about 14 drinks per bottle.
Yes, I'm pretty sure I know some of the side effects of alcoholism. I know one of them is cirrhosis of the liver. He has had one scare with his liver before, but it turned out to be negative.
Thanks for the response.
Hi Rose,
Thanks for your response, it was really helpful! I'm starting to understand better now.
Just one question. You wrote, "It is not necessarily the amount someone drinks that causes the problem, it is the way an individual metabolizes the alcohol."
So does that mean that if it seems to me like he is drinking a lot, but it doesn't really affect his behavior, then it's OK? I guess I just thought that a person can develop a tolerance over time, so that he can gradually drink more and it doesn't seem to be affecting him. i.e. no staggering, slurrred speech, or other signs of drunkeness. Please inform me f I'm wrong about that. Thanks.
Yes, sorry, I misread your post. 5 drinks per night is too much, you're right.
Is the liver scare why he went to NA beer for those two weeks?
Take care and keep us updated.
Lucky
Hi again...I see your question on Alanon was answered...so
"You also wrote, "Hold off on the intervention idea until you know more". Can you please expound on that? Know more about what's going on with him? Or know more myself about how to do an intervention? I'm not being sarcastic here-I'm just confused"
I meant that I think you are unaware of the disease of alcoholism and
the books would explain.
I worry that you seem afraid of his ire.
How will you keep his anger down with an intervention?
Are you in an abusive situation?
Be careful and stay safe. Blessings...
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