As I sit here with a hang over......
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 07-14-2006 - 11:48am |
Hello again, thank you so much to all of you who helped me about a month or two ago to not feel alone in my "Sneeking pulls off the Vodka bottle at night" ordeal. I came clean with my BF and told him, my aunt, and a dear friend. They're all very concerned. For a while I did well-just trying to stay sober and deal with things like normal people do. Unfortunately I slowly but surely began buying liquor again, and yup still sneeking hits off the vodka at night. I feel like S==t today-hung over, turning stoumach, headache all the usual stuff associated. More then anythign though I am so dissapointed in myself I could just cry. I really don't know what to do. Most of my closest friends drink alot and i mean ALOT very very very successful people. They only drink when they go out-but they really tie one on. Luckily my BF is not a big drinker my any means. He's the guy who can go all night nursing 2 coctails compared to everyones 15-20. He of course takes major teasing and ripping from all the drinkers of course-they call him "boring."
Anyway I feel like crap today for more reasons then one; I have a major project to get done today and now my head and body are both a mess thanks to this eveil demon called alcahol. What happened to me? I sure wish I knew. All I do know is that is started after I moved in with BF and his odd 10 year old son back in Sept of '05-not to mention quitting my full time NICE salaried job to one that is 100% commission-oh yeah and being the primary caretaker to my 50 years old suicidal bi-polar mother. My goodness I am a mess, I wish I knew what to do. Where to go, how to stop. Thanks for listening. Hope you don't mind my being so intermitent with my writing here. I think I need to frequent and make this board one of my steps to getting healthy. Thank again.
Edited 7/14/2006 12:27 pm ET by girlyone2001

Pages
Girlyone,
Oh you poor thing - i know how you feel. I didn't read this message of yours until *after* i had replied to you in my thread on "re-joining the board".
It sounds like you and i are at the exact same stage. We should keep in touch.
You know what? You may not realize it, but You Are Brave. You told not only your husband, but others as well. That is positive courage. That move in itself you should feel proud of. You are on your dharma now, even though there was a lapse (and so what?).
I am afraid to tell my husband. You know why? Telling him would absolutely mean that i would have to abstain 100% forever. Which would be a good thing, and which is my ultimate desired outcome. But i don't think i am ready to start abstaining again. Plus telling him would be too disturbing to him. I will have to abstain (eventually) on my own recognizance.
Don't lament your hangover today - drink lots of water and get it out of your system. I don't know how to tell you to stop, because i myself don't know how to. But we are human in this bloody mess and shouldn't be so down on ourselves.
fuchsia
You are not alone. I mention AA because it worked for me and millions of others. Others here will share their experiences with you. If you truly want to stop drinking it is possible. Life as a sober woman is without comparison. Alcohol's chains are too soft to be felt until they are too strong to break. Yet, those chains can be broken by reaching out and asking for help.
God bless - keep coming back. Anyone who has had a problem with alcohol knows exactly how you feel - we have been there.
Leslie
girlyone,
I feel for you and the struggles you are going through! The emotional demands you face would be so very difficult for even a sober woman to contend with. I know it's very cliche to say but those things might not feel so overwhelming if you were able to face them with a clear head. As many of us will atest to, we drank to escape from our everyday stresses. The most frustrating part of that, for me, is starting a new day after having "escaped" from them and realizing that they were still there! Only possibly getting worse because I was not facing them head on. I share this only in the hopes that if you recognize those feelings, realize that YOU ARE NOT ALONE with those thoughts and feelings.
I hate to wake up in the morning. Hate it. But one of the benefits of waking up sober everyday is that I don't wake up hating *me*. As I stumble down the hall for my morning coffee I remind myself how much better I feel to wake up without the headache and give myself an "Atta girl"! I also remind myself that I have just done my least favorite thing of the dayand the rest of the day is wide open for the other things I enjoy! Little mind trick, you know? :-)
You wrote: He of course takes major teasing and ripping from all the drinkers of course-they call him "boring."
Isn't it interesting how people will rib another for not conforming to their idea of normal? My belief is that your BF may make those binge-type drinkers feel uncomfortable by possibly forcing them to look at their own behaviors and habits. Many of us with heavy or abusing drinkers around us have experienced the "What? You're not an alcoholic!" reponse when we shared our desire to quit. They don't want us to change what we're doing because what does that mean about them?! I don't believe they *really* don't want their loved one to better themselves. They just don't like the mirror placed before them.
My sobriety has been enhanced and supported by joining Women for Sobriety. You can find them online and I would suggest checking our their 13 statements in the "New Life" program. I feel that WFS really gets to the heart of the matter, on a more emotional level, for why we drink and how we can not. The message is a beautiful and empowering one.
I, too, think it's great that you have shared your desire for a new life with your loved ones. It's wonderful to be able to have it out in the open so that you can freely talk about what you're going through and have support from the ones around you. I think that my roommate was probably very relieved to have my cards on the table and open for discussion because I know that she was concerned for me but did not feel comfortable expressing that. Now that it's an open issue I can feel a difference in our friendship. It must be hard to see someone you love self destructing.
I feel very fortunate to have made the choice to take back my power and ownership of my life at a relatively young age (31) and before things got really out of hand. You can, too. You have a job, a loving BF and YOU. Don't wait until any one of those things are destroyed before making a different choice on how you choose to live this life. You *are* a competant woman and you shall know it always.
This post is vor everyone still drinking..
Sorry I do not know how to address it to ALL.
I see job problems..hangovers..lies to loved ones
I see guilt and depression
Evasions and denials.
How sad it makes me for those of you who will not
face facts and find sobriety.
Alcoholism is progressive..incurable.. fatal.
That is me and that is you.
Please find a way to save your sanity and your life.
Please do not be 1 of the 95% who die.
There is Hope and Happiness and Healing of the spirit.
Thanks for letting me share...
Thank a million to you all who wrote in. Your advice is not taken invain, I will be around this board much more frequesntly. It is not easy, but I know it can be done. Thehardest ting will really be trying to see if those good friends of ours will be able to view us in the same light. I swaer all we do when we hang out is drink. It's so weird. even last night we were at a friends house-Priority #1: He asks "what are you drinking tonight-I'll get Vodka and beer." AS I think to myself, dang it-how am I ever going to tell people.
I ended up choking down a beer....then another. Then I stopped myself and thought-are you really going to drink after all of your issues from this morning? What would the folks on the message board think or say? I realized you'd all feel bad, been there and done that. I decided to end the evening drinking water-easy to do since there were only 4 people there. It's the next BIG party next weekend that I am a bit worried about.
I will keep you posted-thank a million for listening and being there!
Learn to say no thank you when offered a drink. If pressed to have one, tell someone you don't feel like it, or not right now. You do not have to explain anything to anyone. You do not have to tell them you are trying to quit. "No" is a complete sentence. If you begin to get uncomfortable around drinking people, have an escape plan - your own car, or money for a cab.
I admire your courage to look at yourself and to seek answers. That's amazing! We are here to help you - just ask.
Take care,
Leslie
Well since posting here on Friday morning after tying one on Thursday night I did not succeed in making it all weekend. I drank last night too-the second my BF went outside I literally went right for the freezer and poured 2 stiff shots. S++t. Well.....now the bottle is emplty. The rel question will be: How long can I obstain from buying more? Oh and I forgot about a 12 pack of beer I have in my garage "just in case my friends come over."
Oh well it's ok, deep down I am scared; I think I have realized there is aphysical side to this. When I took those drinks, my mouth was GROSED out; tase buds were not enjoying it at all. IOt burned mouth and throat going down...but I just wanted the buzz. Yikes. Scary realization. :(
I am going to go to a doctor on Wednesday for a "annual" but I think I just may ask her for some advice on what I can do and where I can go re: the booze issue. Do you think she will look at me like I am crazy? Meaning should I be asking someone other then a reagular doctor? I sure as heck am not goingto be able to handle a negative reaction! Just the thought is freaking me out a bit. Is there someone better I should try 1st?
-Girlyone
Hi Girlyone,
I am so glad to see you looking for a solution to your drinking problem.
Alcohol, A
Girlyone,
Hi again. I am sending you this little pink teddy bear (above) to hug and be hugged. I know what you mean about feeling down about this weekend. We must be psychically connected.
I also drank too much again this weekend, getting caught up in a night out with my husband's co-workers. The hangover all day Sunday completely ruined my day - i was a vegetable all day and couldn't do *anything* - couldn't read, go to the gym, exercise at home, clean, or nothing. On Sunday i said *dang it*, i am never drinking a martini again! (Saturday night was actually 3 glasses of wine *followed* by a strong martini - far more than any reasonable moderation).
I stayed away from this board for the past couple of days because i was so distraught at fouling up. Why couldn't i have just stuck with lovely sparkling water?
So Sunday was day 1, yesterday day 2, and today day 3 of sobriety for me. I still have not made the complete decision to completely forgo the wine. *However*, i really should do so, as once i have one glass, i can't stop craving more...
Have you had anything since the weekend? If not, that is a big accomplishment, seriously. Let's keep in touch.
fuchsia
Fushia and Girlyone,
Hugs to both of you for your honesty.
We all have a choice, everyday to drink, or not. We don't have to think about what we will do tomorrow, just what we will do today. For this 24 hours, my choice, is not to drink.
If alcohol is robbing us of the precious days we have here on this earth, it may be time to re-evaluate our relationship with alcohol. It not only robs us, it consumes us. Demon alcohol hijacks our lives and takes over. We think about our last drink, our next drink, if we ever drink again or not with an obsession we rarely see in other areas of our lives.
Really, one of the most eye-opening experiences I ever had was when I reflected on the amount of time I spent not only drinking, but, thinking about and planning my drinking.
What a waste of time and energy from my life!
Hangovers for us alkies are horrible, not the experience that people who can drink normally have. They bring us to our knees, and make us feel miserable. We vow not to drink again...and then..that demon starts calling our name again!
What have any of us gained by going out and drinking again? Especially after long periods of sobriety? Why would we go back out after knowing that life is so much better for us alkies sober?
Please don't stay away from the boards if you are drinking. The only thing that helps all of us along this journey is sharing what we experience. Yes, we feel distraught, embarassed and even guilty. But, those aren't feelings we need to keep inside. We need to share them, air them out and let the light of day heal them.
Because today, we have another 24 hours ahead of us.
Peace,
Rose
Pages