I hate it!! and him too!!
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I hate it!! and him too!!
| Wed, 08-30-2006 - 11:23pm |
same ole story...10 years together with kids...at least we have gotten to the point were he just drinks and stays out of my hair. He is home EVERY night. Drinks about 5 nights a week. I have brought things to his attention and he has agreed to try a form of help but the appt. is not until next week and of course he drank tonight. I am soooo tired of his problem being my problem. I will say that if this other form of treatment does not help I will ask him to leave. I am to the point where I wish horrible things on him because I am angre about his drinking. Is it bad to have those thoughts??

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Hi. Welcome to the board. I am Beth, I am a recovering alcoholic.
Everyone has a breaking point, and it sounds like you have reached yours. To try and help yourself get through the next week until his appointment...concentrate on the fact that ALCOHOL is your problem, when he drinks it. Changing the wording from HIM to IT, might allow you to get through to next week.
Checking out AlAnon might be a good idea too.
Alcohol, A
See if this info helps you understand...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcoholism
Welcome to our board..
You are, understandably, at the end of your rope. I would not presume to advise you to stay or go or anything else. Some people who are alcoholics never get better. Some people who are alcoholics get help, stay sober and then relapse. Other people get help, stay sober, and stay sober. I don't know which your husband will be.
You are responsible for you and your children. I would suggest that you wait and see, for at least a little while, to see if he gets help or doesn't.
Whatever you decide...come here...we care.
I have one for you:
"If you do not seek help, if you do not try, if you do not participate and change this cycle of destruction, I WILL leave you. I will take the kids and leave."
That's not meant as an ultimatum, even though that's what it sounds like. But you said you can't keep living like this. I know you said you don't want to divorce, but when you have 2 options, which one are you going to take... him drinking all the time and not only destroying his life, but yours and your kids (growing up with an alcoholic does it's damage!) or taking yourself and your children out of this unhealthy environment?
You can't control him or his drinking. If he chooses to drink over his family, then I think the choice has been made. Sure, he can go for treatment, but until he WANTS to stop, then it's just not going to happen. Yes, he will stop for a few weeks, maybe for a few months... but he won't stop unless he realizes that he is destroying his family.
I am in a similar situation. We do not have kids and he has stopped drinking... but I am waiting to see if he really means it. He knows I will leave him if he continues on his path. For a long time, he never really saw a problem. I am not living my life with an alcoholic and I've told him this. Trust me, I don't want to get a divorce either, just the sound of it makes my head spin because of all the complications. But I have to live my life for me, and not let him bring me down. If that means someday leaving, then that's what I will have to do.
I am so sorry you find your family in the situation of being hurt by the disease of alcoholism.
But you need to understand that you are asking for the impossible. There IS NO one statement that will make him see that he needs to sober up. You did not cause him to drink and you cannot make him stop. He must make that choice for himself, some say with the help of his higher power. Alcoholism is a DISEASE, not a WEAKNESS. He is not choosing alcohol over loving his family, he is addicted to something he cannot at this time control.
I sense much hurt in you, but much love. I urge you to educate yourself about addiction/recovery. I urge you to make an appointment with a counsellor for yourself, I urge you to visit an al-anon meeting. They know what you're living and can help.
Take care and I hope life gets better for you.
wfsgal
I too was looking for the 'one thing' to say to get my hubby's attention. I went with one idea for a 'wake-up' call and it pretty much turned to major disaster with one little exception. HE made the decision to move out of our home - which now just leaves me and our daughter. She and I are handling most of it very well. We miss him terribly, but we do not miss 'the bottle'. He continues to drink heavily, which he proved by getting a DUI a couple weeks ago BUT he blamed it on me because I am friends with a county cop. He is not getting any better, but as for myself, I KNOW I am getting better, I am no longer being his enabler and am able to focus more energy on our daughter who needs me to 'hang tough' and help support her when she's missing her daddy. We are starting counseling next week to help us cope and it's not going to be easy but in the end I think it will be worth it. I have come to realize that "I" cannot change his ways, he has to make that choice himself. It hurts to think that he has chosen the bottle over our daughter and also me, but it was better to find out after 18 months rather than 18 years from now. I wish you all the best!!
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