dumb question...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2006
dumb question...
13
Sun, 09-24-2006 - 7:08pm

how can you really define a drinking problem? I've been trying to look this up on the net and I find the definition of "moderate drinking" to be an average of 1 drink per day- more than that is considered excessive.

Sorry, this got long...

Of course, I am asking this so I can weasel my way out of admitting that I have a problem. I do not drink every day, but at least 5 out of 7 for that last month. I drank a lot in college (ok, who didn't) but I went from NEVER drinking to drinking a lot and almost failing out of college within two weeks. I was able to get the university counselor to help me out with the profs, retook some tests, and was able to stay in school. It took me a while to slow down with the drinking (a few months) but I did. After about a year or so I pretty much stopped drinking all together- maybe just few drinks here or there. I would think about drinking a lot, but was able to resist the urge. About two years ago, the cravings were getting pretty strong again and I started to drink. It didn't last but a few months and I was ok. Again, the thoughts were there, but I could resist. About six months ago, the cravings hit hard and I caved big time- this time with hard liquor. It was the first time that I completely hid my drinking from my dh- he had no clue. I was binge drinking- something I hadn't done since college. It got so bad that I almost passed out in the kitchen one night and dh would have found me there (he gets up at 3am for work) but, I drank so much that I threw up and was able to crawl to bed before passing out (this is the first time in my life I did that). I scared myself straight somehow and within a few days was able to cut back and eventally stop drinking again. For the last month, I have been back at it. I just can't seem to kick these cravings and stay away. I don't drink heavily- one mixed drink- rum or long island iced tea 2-4oz. I easily fit within the "guidelines" of moderate drinking. Yet, there is that part of me that questions it. My concerns are the cravings, the idea that even though I am not adding more alcohol to my drinks I am drinking them faster to get the same feeling (tolerance), the fact that if I skip one night of drinking, by the eve of the second night I am an anxious, shaking mess and that when I buy alcohol, I will only buy it if it is a certain proof (usually only if it's 80 proof). Dh has questioned my drinking (becuase it is unusual and he is concerned it will become a problem). I am wondering if it already is a problem, yet I can see those "guidelines" and justify what I am doing. on the other hand due to some chronic health issues and some rx meds I take (one of which of course has the "don't mix with alcohol" label on it) I probably shouldn't drink as much as I do.

Ok, so I probably totally answered my own question. Thanks for listening.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2001
Sun, 09-24-2006 - 7:54pm

Hi beachluvinmom,

What do you want from us? Do you want help for your alcohol problem?

Service in recovery,

Paul

Castaway


A Friend in Recovery


Paul

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Sun, 09-24-2006 - 8:22pm

I could have written your post.


I stopped drinking when I was 28 because I could not control my drinking. I did things drinking that I wouldn't do sober. I was sick, scared and tired.


I am no longer 29. I don't drink. I am no longer scared of what I did and can't remember.


Check these old posts


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-bhalcohol&msg=7975.1&ctx=128


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-bhalcohol&msg=7973.1&ctx=128



iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2006
Sun, 09-24-2006 - 8:32pm
help, a wake up call, guidance, support...
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2006
Sun, 09-24-2006 - 9:18pm

Hi Beth,

Thanks for the reply and the links, I took a look at them. I guess I am just frustrated right now, mostly at myself and the choices I am making.

Maybe posting here was not a good choice. I'm not trying to offend anyone, just trying to figure some things out, but maybe this wasn't a good way to go about it. So, I'm sorry if I offended anyone, that was not my intention. All I was wondering was if I need help or if I am on the verge of needing help with this issue.

Thanks for your time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2001
Sun, 09-24-2006 - 9:38pm

HI beachluvinmom,

From your post I believe you have received your wake up call. You know we don't have to be laying in the gutter, or sitting in doorways or sleeping on subway vents to reach our own personal bottom. Myself, I had been married 10 years had a couple of kids, our own nice small Cape Cod style home a new car every four or five years and a decent job. But I was sick, oh so sick. I had to have alcohol. Everday. I could control my craving during working hours and then lost it. This behavior went on for years. I've heard it said insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. That was dear ole' Paul at 35 years old. I got sober that year----1968. So, now at 74 (next month) I haven't had alcohol in 38 years and 7 months. Carol and I have just celebrated our 48 anniversary. My daughter is a RN and has given birth to our four grandchildren. The eldest (19) who has just begun college. I'm in excellent health despite being diabetic, a cancer and brain tumor survivor. My diabetes is under good management, I am cancer free after prostate surgery four years ago and had a benign brain tumor removed 6 years ago. I quit smoking 28 years ago.

If you think there is a problem with alcohol. beachluvinmom, my suggestion is to call and become active in AA. We will support you 100%. There you have it a wake up call, guidance and support. You have shown courage in asking for help. That's the first step and every journey begins wih one of those. Good fortune, stay with us, it's a great neighborhood. Do I sound like Mr. Rogers?

Service in recovery,
Stay safe,
Pray for peace,

Paul


Castaway


A Friend in Recovery


Paul

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2006
Sun, 09-24-2006 - 10:25pm

Paul,

Thank you for your reply and for sharing with me. I know this is all pretty dumb, you know the answer to the question before you even ask- it's one of those kind of questions- if you have to ask, you already know the answer. I feel right now that I am on the edge, looking over and so close to falling. I just don't want to slip. It would be so easy- I am trying to break my family's cycle of addiction (and abuse-a whole different chapter in my life).

Thank you again for your support, Fred Rogers...oh, I mean Paul LOL.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 5:47am

WAIT!!!!!!!!!!


You didn't anger or frustrate or upset anyone.....we just need to get to know you. Don't go away!!!


You asked if you have a problem. I don't want to say yes or no, because I don't really know you....In your gut...do you think you have a problem with alcohol? Notice I said problem...not are you an alcoholic, like I am, just if you think there is a problem.

Beth


Co-Community leader for

Alcohol Problems Board


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2006
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 7:47am

Beth-

I wasn't referring to your reply- really. I just reread what I wrote and thought that it was really ignorant to ask a question like that. I just know that this is a serious issue and don't want to offend any of the members here by having a "petty" issue or a minor problem- that is my concern. Believe me when I say this is not my only issue.

To answer your question, yes, I do think that I have a problem, it's not a huge problem yet, but I can see it becoming one. Even if I may not "clinically" or "diagnostically" have a problem right now, I know I am on the verge of one. Although I do not drink a lot at once or haven't been drinking for a long time, I have found that it does not take my body very long to become tolerant or physically dependent upon the alcohol (I am underweight for my height so that doesn't help much). I'm new to all of this and finding info out on the net, so I may have the terminology a little confused, so I apologize if I mess something up here. By tolerant I'm meaning I need to drink more or drink the same amount faster to get the same effect of being relaxed. By physically dependent I am referring to the fact that the day after drinking I get headaches and if I do not drink daily, around the time I normally drink (in the evening) I become anxious and my hands get kind of shaky. It is disturbing enought that I have taken rx anxiety meds in small doses to shake the feeling- which is just as bad as taking another drink. I have not gotten myself into any legal trouble or trouble at work (I did have trouble at college but got that straightend out). I am risking my health, and drinking knowing that it could harm me more than others because of my illness and the medications I take. The alcohol is worstening my condition in a few ways, yet I have not cut back...I just don't get it.

I know you need to get to know me...there is a lot more that ties in with this, as there always is. I just worry a lot, that's all. I wouldn't be offended if you did say I was an alcoholic- I asked a question and expected honest answers. Alcoholism runs in my family. Some theories state there is a genetic component or a predisposition- if that is true, then maybe, genetically, I am an alcoholic. I'm not going anywhere. I came here for a reason- to learn something- about myself, about this issue, and I plan to do that.

Avatar for carol777
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 1:04pm

Hi...For understanding alcoholism...I recommend...

"Under The influence"
and it's sequel
"Beyond The Influence"

they are carried by Amazon

The information in 'Under' convinced me to begin AA recovery.

Please know mixing your drug with alcohol can cause death.
Your brain can short circut without warning. Zap! Stroke.
I have seen this happen.
Ask for less dangerous meds if you continue to drink.

Keep in touch...we are here to give you our exxperiences.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 2:04pm

Hi beach,


Please know in your heart of hearts that there is no such thing as a "petty" question about alcohol.

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