i need help

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2006
i need help
11
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 12:21pm
I wrote on this board a couple weeks ago about loving an alcoholic, now i am wondering if i am as well. to make a long story short- my x-bf and I have been together over a year mostly good times, but we have a troubles.. anyway we broke up in august cause he couldnt handle it- there is never a reason or closure he just leaves me broken hearted.. around sept 1 - i did contact him because i thought i was strong enough and wanted to show him i had moved on- found my own place to live and was doing good.. he came over- and we had that instant attraction and love- we saw eachother for about 3 weeks, sex, dinner- and he was always sending me sweet notes- like he always did... Well- after him not answereing my call Friday night- i went to the bar- drank alot of shots and and still didnt hear from him- i went to his house and blacked out- all i know his ex girlfriend called for a ride, and it was obvious he has been talking to her.. i lost my mind.. basically went crazy on him, his roomates, and i dont even know what i did- it was a complete black out- the next night i did the same thing... sat night he told me i was disgusting and ugly and he doesnt want anything to do with me- it came down not hitting but a lot of throwing around.. basically i now have a body of bruises- a ripped out heart and i made a complete idiot of myself... i know it is over and i have let him go- but how do i get over the embarrasing act i made out of myself.. i know i lost all strength- but it was the alchol that made me act like a child and not a woman... should i apologize to them- i think i hit his car... i am a mess- please help

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
In reply to: ocean2006
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 3:46pm

HEY


Welcome back


I don't know if you have a problem or not...have you blacked out before? Social drinkers don't usually black out. go nuts and get bruises all over themselves. If it is a one time deal for any of those things...eh, who knows? If any of those things have happened before when you drank...then there is a better chance that you have a problem.


Beth

Beth


Co-Community leader for

Alcohol Problems Board


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2006
In reply to: ocean2006
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 2:58pm
Thank you for the reply Beth- although reading it the words felt very cold... "if you go nuts and get bruises ey.." i got no other replies and i am in a world of badness right now.. i will be fine- but i guess this isnt the support group for me.. i am so embarrased by actions- and the x probably will never speak to me again- i dont even know what i did- and all i got from here was ey.. maybe you do have a problem...
Thanks anyway
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
In reply to: ocean2006
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 3:23pm

I didn't mean to sound cold. You were the one who said that you acted in a fashion that wasn't your usual. I will not say if you have a problem with alcohol, I can't.


Your X may never speak to you again. Or he might. Do you really want him to? Did you split and remain friends? Or do you want him back?


Let me know so I can understand what you are asking from us. (Sometimes I am dense).



iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2006
In reply to: ocean2006
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 7:12pm

today I am just feeling the ultimate humilation... I am sure he has nothing to say to me.. I suppose I cant beat myself up over making a complete fool of myself.. it is the first time and the last. I just wish he cared enoegh to call and see how I am- he wont do that either.. not really asking if i have a drinking problem- just facing reality of humilation and the fact that because of my actions the man i love is gone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
In reply to: ocean2006
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 7:36pm

Hi ocean,


My name is Brenda and I am an alcoholic.

Avatar for carol777
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: ocean2006
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 10:26pm

For understanding alcoholism...I recommend...

"Under The influence"
and it's sequel
"Beyond The Influence"

they are carried by Amazon

And Yes...you DO need the information.

Once blackouts start they continue to happen
they will last longer and become more frequent.

Violence will also increase as you continue to drink.

Save your future...give up alcohol.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
In reply to: ocean2006
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 4:34am
Hey Ocean, I have been away from the board for a couple of weeks and trying to get caught up...
I can see you are in a world of hurt...I have been there and done those same things many times...until I stopped drinking. Beth, Carol, and Brenda (and many others here)are like me - recovering alcoholics and we have seen time and time again how alcoholism beats down people in all kinds of ways. Some experience many DUIs, others lose relationships,homes, jobs and some have physical problems. Many, like me had years of emotional issues, being very sensitive, depression, etc. As long as I could put the blame on others and what they were doing or not doing, I never had to look at myself. That kind of thinking kept me out there drinking long after I began questioning if I had a problem. So, I have stood in your shoes, felt the pain of relationships with problems, and wondered what to do. We may not have acted exactly the same way, but the FEELINGS you are experiencing- these I know and remember well.
My humble suggestion would be to educate yourself about alcoholism - its symptoms, its treatment, and the options that are available out there. You might want to look into a counselor or someone at a local church that you can talk to. Keep coming back here to ask questions. You may not like the way that people respond (I didn't either at first!)but do know this: those of us who have found the miracle of recovery care very much that others find a way to have it too. Alcoholism is a serious, progressive, and fatal disease. It never gets better. The only known treatment is abstinence.
God bless - keep coming back. You are not alone.
Leslie
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2006
In reply to: ocean2006
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 11:51am
Thank you for your replies- this is helping and now that the weekend runner is over and i have been able to sober up, i am coming too about alot of realization. I spent alot of time last night on the internet reading about alcohlism and and I am coming to terms with what i need to do next.. alot of my problem is deep painful emotions, and when i drink with that hurt-- things come out.. only when i am drinking Jack Daniels- which seems to be my downfall. At this point i am getting help. I have an appt with a counselor on Tuesday, and no longer want this life and need to get to the depth of my pain.. although I know it stems from the death of my brother and the utter lonliness i feel at times. My question is do i call and apologize to my x? I am sure he hates me right now- if he ever loved me- he would see that wasnt me - i just feel if i am able to apologize for my actions, i would be able to move forward with the healing process? any suggestions?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
In reply to: ocean2006
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 3:41pm

There used to be an expression "you've come a long way baby," and that really applies to you!!


I belong to AA, and one of our steps is making amends....but that step doesn't happen until a person has been sober enough to handle the repercussions. It also says that we amend "unless to do so would injure ourselves or others."


I think what I am tiredly trying to say is, wait. Wait to apologize at least until after you see the counsellor. Give time a chance to scab over the freshness of what you did.


I hope I am making sense.

Beth


Co-Community leader for

Alcohol Problems Board


Avatar for carol777
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: ocean2006
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 11:14pm

Awesome!! I am so proud for you!! Congratulations!

Why not write him a letter? An old fashioned letter.

Then after you see the situation in writing
with a clear head
you can decide to mail it or call or let it rest for now.

Hugs

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