SUNDAY'S SURPRISE: Open The Envelope (m)
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SUNDAY'S SURPRISE: Open The Envelope (m)
| Sun, 01-27-2002 - 1:04pm |
SUNDAY'S SURPRISE: Open The Envelope (m)
Although we're short story writers, this week let's "open the envelope" and try out hands at screenplay writing. Write the opening scene to your movie. Things to consider might be 1) What music is playing; 2) Where the scene takes place; 3) Is it daytime or at night; 4) Who’s in the scene; 5) What angle or POV is the camera using. Once you’ve got that add a little dialogue. The following link has lots of movie scripts so you can see what the format looks like:
http://www.simplyscripts.com/a.html
The theme is up to you but please limit your scene to 1,000 words or less. Have fun,
Mac

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Michelle...
Wonder how Michelle would feel about playing a turbo bitch?
Let Me Know When You Crack It...
and I can write the rest of the story!
Very Well Done E...
Setting is my one of my weaknesses and I love to read good scene setting. You did a terrific job with this.
Patty
Wednesday's Attempt: In Trouble with the Law
Movie – In Trouble with the Law
INT. WAITING ROOM – HIGH SCHOOL OFFICE
We see a busy school office, with desks of secretaries, photocopiers, coloured forms and file folders, and general pandemonium. We pan to the left to see two rows of chairs flanking a narrow hallway outside the VICE PRINCIPAL’S office.
In one chair we see FLOYD, wearing baggy jeans, oversized hooded fleece sweatshirt, and $200 basketball shoes. His shaved head shows the intricate tattoo that covers his scalp. He listens to his MP3 player and glares at his untied shoelaces.
Opposite FLOYD sits his foster mother GAIL and his kid brother JIMMY. GAIL wears an 80’s power suit complete with shoulder pads and oversized red plastic glasses. Her makeup doesn’t hide her deep frown lines. She’s rubbing a newly developed blister on her heel. JIMMY, age 4, stands on the plastic brown chair waving his battery-operated fighter-jet and making crashing noises.
We watch the VICE PRINCIPAL shake hands with two uniformed POLICE OFFICERS and escort them into her office.
GAIL: Why can’t you just behave? You’d better not turn out like Joey.
JIMMY: Varroooom.
GAIL: If I have to come down here every time you have a problem, I’m gonna lose my job. And then what’s gonna happen to us, hey? Have you thought of that?
FLOYD: Sorry, Gail, I had to do this. I’ve been working on this for a long time now.
GAIL: I never know what trouble you’re into.
They sit and scowl at each other. GAIL studies the brochures about counseling and speaking to kids about sex. FLOYD adjusts his MP3 player.
The VICE PRINCIPAL comes out of her office.
VP: FLOYD? Could you come in here please?
SOUNDTRACK – THUDDING HEARTBEAT
FLOYD stands up and walks to the door. GAIL holds her head in her hands and moans and rocks herself.
INT. VICE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE
FLOYD and the VP enter the office and close the door.
POLICE OFFICER 1: Floyd, we’d like to talk to you about your computer program, CRIME-X.
POLICE OFFICER 2: We think it’s terrific and we’d like to give it a try at the community police station. If that’s okay with you, of course.
SOUNDTRACK - FADES
FLOYD: You do? You will? Of course.
POLICE OFFICER 1: How did you design such a terrific criminal profile tracking system?
FLOYD: Well, you see, it all started with my interest in geographic profiling…
Easy Read...
This read so smoothly. The scene outside the principal's office was very vivid. I could easily see Gail absentmindly scanning brochures as she waited to see what kind of trouble her son had gotten himself into.
The suprise ending was surprising but not contrived.
You did a great job with this. I enjoyed reading it very much.
Patty
Thanks, Patty...
I wanted to paint the boy as someone you figure is up to no good... when in fact he's bright and doing great things.
Thanks again, Eyewrite
Way to go, eyewrite (m)
I wish my "attempts" would turn out so good. I think you laid out the scene quite well and I liked how he ended up being a good kid in the end.
Nice setup! Maybe you can turn this idea into a short story if you don't have plans to do a screenplay.
Mac
You're too kind...
plans for a screenplay? Wasn't even on my radar. I know less than nothing about it, but thank you for your encouraging comments.
Eyewrite
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