Hi.. new here.....
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|Wed, 07-02-2008 - 12:21pm|
Hi, Im new here. I came to Ivillage when I was pregnant and havent left! I thought I could find maybe some advice, or at the very least support.
this is kinda long.. thanks in advance for reading. I really appericate any support or help.
My husband and I have been married just about a year now, we were childhood sweethearts.. my first boyfriend and the whole 9. Well we has split up about 8 years ago b/c he was heading down a very dangerous path. to make an extreamly long story short he had been in and out of trouble the time we were apart, I didnt see much of him besides his name in the newspaper under the police records. He'd been in about 8 rehabs and had 2 stints in jail =( all steming from alcohol. let me just say he is an amazing person with a heart of gold, just wrong crowd, irish blood and alcoholism in the family.
When we split I always had him in the back of my mind, he was my first love and I cared so deeply for this man but I knew that I had to stay away for my own good.
Well two summers ago I was driving down this road and I just so happend to pass him and his sister driving the other way. We both stopped and talked a bit, he was on work release from jail. (he was in jail for 2years for drunk driving, never hurt anyone but the judge who sentenced him son was killed by a drunk driver so he got it harsh.. and probably deserved it.) He was doing good, besides being in Jail. By the end of the summer his time was up and he came home. We started hanging out, I knowing very well to be VERY careful.
At this point he was only drinking beer, which I know he can handle and everything was good. Well I left for college that fall and we decided that we would stay together, maybe make it offical.
things went downhill fast. I live in PA and went to school in VT.. and drove home almost every weekend b/c I could tell he was losing control. His DOC is Wiskey. my goodness to make another LONG story short he lost all control and was a raging alcoholic again. waking up with the shakes and self medicating with wiskey.. all day long.
He was on parol and had to see his PO every two weeks, at first he would be able to stop 5days before to have a clean pee, then it became 4.. then 3.. then 2... then 1. well naturally he got caught.
In Nov of 2006 he was sent to rehab. We talked alot and he sounded like he really wanted to get sober, I decided to stay and help him and love him.
We had an amazing connection between us and deep bonding love. True soul mates.
well March of 07 he finally came home and was ready to give up everything in his past, all his friends, and live a wonderful and happy life with me. he did amazing!!!! turned around completely! i couldnt be more proud of him!
He started up his own buisness in later 07 and I was pregnant by July 07.
his business is doing amazingly, really amazing. and we had our baby boy in March 08! and are getting ready to buy our first home! woo!
okay so here it comes, the day I was dreading. and Its all my fault, (im so sorry this is so long.) we had talked about it in the past, what if he just started drinking beer again, we dont know what would happen, but he thought that he is in such a good place and a different place, and has so much to lose that he would be able to control it.
Now heres the bad news
we went to the supermarket last night and I just dont know how to happend but we got a case of beer.
I FEEL so guilty i could die. I didnt know what to do because ever since probably the beginning of this years he really felt left out (family events.. social events..) he just wants to fit in and feel normal. I love this man so much but I could tell by the look on his face he was so bored. I guess I was scared that he was going to get bored with me and the baby.
Well he had one beer last night, one beer in just about two years. I am so scared. Im so guilty I didnt stop him. I love him so much I didnt know what to do. My god I know that sounds stupid. If i love him i should have said NO nO NO way! I dont know what I didnt!
but I love him so much I want him to be happy, I know drinking doesnt make you happy. but he just seemed like he just wanted to be like any normal adult who can handle their drinks and live a normal life.
I dont know what to do now, should i pour all the remaining beers down the sink? should I believe in him? He doesnt sit there and try to convince me that he can drink and its not like hes craving it at all. He just wants to fit in.
this is screwing me up really bad.
im sorry this is so long.