TINY TUESDAY...(m)
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TINY TUESDAY...(m)
| Mon, 02-18-2002 - 9:50pm |
TINY TUESDAY...(m)
I would like to try something just for fun and to go along with something we discussed last week in chat about dialog and its uses in the 'show versus telling' of a story. So, here's this weeks Tiny Tuesday: Write a short piece using strictly dialog to show all aspects of the story, especially action. Have fun with this, Sammi
P.S. I will be gone for the next two or three days, so I will post mine and respond to others then. Sorry about this inconvenience.

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My TT....Tit for Tat
“Hi honey, I’m cooking spaghetti and nuking some meatballs. Wash up and sit down. I’ll get you some ice tea. How was your morning?”
“East cow was being a pain. She kicked my hand and broke the skin then she whizzed and it splashed on me. The good news is that my girls are producing a good amount of milk.”
“Here’s your plate. I’ll get some bread and butter and the salad. So how is Bobbi Ann doing?”
“That goat peeks out of her curtain to see who’s there before she will come out of her house. She loves standing on the balcony when she’s not busy standing on his and her tree stumps. And she also is a typical female, head butting the Billy just for attention.”
“Watch it buster, or I’ll head butt you?”
“See I told you it’s a female thing!”
“Pass the margarine, please, hee man.”
“Why do you keep staring at me?”
“I’ve never seen anyone eat like you do. Geez, you’re supposed to chew first before swallowing, not inhale it.”
“I’m hungry. So I’m not a slow eater like you. You hardly made a dent in your food. Pass me the bottle of French dressing. This salad reminds me of the food we had at the dairy meeting. Did I tell you about it?”
“No, what happened?”
“Well, when it came to introductions a guy at our table told the members that he was so and so and also he was a sex slave to his wife, who was sitting beside him.”
“He didn’t, really? How funny! But his poor wife, if you introduced me that way, I would have turned bright red and then later you would have paid, big time.”
“Hey, it cracked up the whole room.”
“So what are you doing this afternoon?”
“Getting hay, grinding feed, checking, watering and feeding the cattle and then work some ground before milking time. And what are you doing this afternoon?”
“I’m washing these dishes, sweeping and mopping the floor, doing loads of laundry, dusting and vacuuming before the kids come home from school.”
“Yeah right, your sex slave knows, you will be writing this afternoon. Now kiss me so I can get back to work.”
My TT: Hot Tempered
Hi everyone, See if you can follow along with who's talking... or if you get lost ;-)
Have fun, Eyewrite
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Hot Tempered
“I can’t find a towel, hon… Hey, where did you hide my clothes, Sandi?â€
“Don’t glare at me. I didn’t hide your clothes.â€
“Well they’re apparently not in my closet or my dresser, and this room looks like a cyclone hit it. And I’m not glaring; this is how my face looked when I took off my goggles. And I’m dripping all over the floor until you get me something to cover up with.â€
“Why would I hide your clothes, Dan?â€
“Why? Well, for starters, you know I take long baths and you like playing practical jokes – Get back in here and look at me, Sandi - And then last month when I was working late and you thought I was cheating…â€
“Working late? I thought you were cheating? I can’t believe you, Dan. You had lipstick on your sleeve and Gap Elle on your suede coat. Don’t stand there with your arms crossed across your chest like that…��
“Gap Elle? Lipstick? You thought that was lipstick? A red pen bursts on my shirt and you think it’s lipstick? Ya, that mark, that’s pen ink, can’t you tell? … Thanks for the towel.â€
“Pen ink, my Mercedes. Dan, you don’t lie as good as welcome mat. You think since I don’t wear lipstick that I’ve forgotten what it looks like? Well I’ve got news for you chump…â€
“Yes, and what about this news of yours, my little teapot? – Please stop smashing my Kinder Surprise toys – From what I heard at the gas station you’ve been filling lots of tanks in the area, starting with the dude from that ranch, where is it now, the Love Ranch?â€
“Dan, you talk nonsense. I know what lipstick looks like…â€
“And I heard from the librarian that Leo’s been checking out more than a man’s share of books lately. See – when you tap your foot like that I know you’re hiding something.â€
“I’ve been friends with Leonard since high school, you know that… And Dan? Something rude is poking out of your towel. Do I have to call pest control?â€
“And the emails you’ve been getting from people named GymRat and BigPecs? How do you explain that?â€
“Don’t you throw my email habits at me, Mr. Friends-With-LustyLady-And-HotFarmGirl? And go stand on the rug, you’re making a lake.â€
“I’m just saying’, Ms. Eye-twitches-when-she’s-wrong, it takes one to know one.â€
“Don’t look at me like that, you scum-sucking paramecium...â€
“Mmm, my favorite single-celled organisms. Like what, my little insect pheromone? Like this?â€
“Eww, stop that… Dan, that doesn’t work on me anymore…. Stop that, stop flexing those… have you been working out?â€
“Thanks…. How am I looking at you?â€
“With your left eye winking and your right eyebrow waggling like the tail of a cheetah… and when you make that Jean Chretien mouth…â€
“Like this, baby?â€
“Oh… Dan, stop it…. You know I melt when you get that Hoover suction going on my…â€
“Schmsnurfpssss.â€
“Quick – over to the bed.â€
Lol, That's some farmer...
My uncle hasn't said that many words in his entire life :) Those animals sound like a hoot - future comedy movie stars?
Isn't it tough to convey action and the plot? I find it makes the dialog I write sound stilted. I write the next part of the story and then I have to add something for the characters to do, like pass the salt. It would be easier if we could add the attributions (is that the term?) like: "...." said Tom, toothpick hanging out the corner of his mouth as he knocked the cow muck off his shoes."
Happy Tuesday, Eyewrite
Right on Eyewrite (m)
Talk about ACTION!!!! I loved it and I didn't have any trouble following who was speaking.
I agree, I would much rather, add those startling details out of conversation. But it was lots of fun and a great exercise.
Happy Tuesday back at ya....you rock!!
Maria
My TT: Pink for a year or two...(m)
Hi, everybody. I decided to write my TT before I left. This was harder than I thought. I wanted to write the action out. LOL.
Pink for a Year or Two
"Sammi, pacing is not going to bring that baby any sooner."
"Be quiet, Joe. I need to do this, it keeps me sane."
"Well, you're driving me IN-sane. Sit down."
"And I'm telling ya to shut it. Who's that?"
"Who is who?"
"I thought I saw Dave in the hallway. But how could that be, he's supposed to be scrubbing for the baby coming."
"My guess is that he's coming to tell you to stop pacing, that you're driving HIM insane too."
"Ha, ha, very funny. How's Summer doing, Dave?"
"Ah, she's getting the epideral right now, that's more than I could handle."
"Well, take it from your father-in-law, you won't be able to handle what's going on in here either."
"Ah, the pacing thing?"
"Yep."
"Okay, Joe, you just put your nose back in that magazine and I'll go down the hall with Dave to see how things are going."
"Lucky Dave."
"Lucky you, Joe. You don't have to watch her pace anymore."
"Dear, sticking your tongue out isn't very becoming for a woman your age. And the middle finger salute too? I'm impressed."
"I need the husband of Summer East to come right away!"
"Nurse, what is happening?"
"The epideral went well, and now everything is rushing along. Son, if you want to see your baby born, you'd better hurry."
"Nurse, can we go too?"
"You can't get into the delivery room, but you can stand in the hallway. You should be able to hear the baby's first cry out there. This your first grandchild?"
"Yes."
"I can usually tell. We need to go."
"Joe, don't give me that look like you think I'm just gonna sit down in here and miss this. I'm going."
"I know, I didn't mean for you to think we were going to miss this."
"Oh, look, there's Julie and Carl, they made it."
"You'd think this was a princess being born with the crowd gathering in the hall."
"Come on, Sammi and Joe, you need to be here by the door."
"Thanks."
"What's happening?"
"Well, Grandma, the baby's bearing down."
"Push, Summer."
"Who's the guy in the jean shorts and Hard Rock T-shirt?"
"That's her doctor. Young, isn't he?"
"Yeah... Oh my God..."
"The head's through, Summer, one or two more good pushes and your baby will be here."
"I can't do this..."
"Come on, Honey. Remember, breathe..."
"Ahhhh...."
"That's it, bear down one more time...."
"Ahhh..."
"It's a girl... Waaah..."
"Did the docter say it's a girl? Joe, a little granddaughter!"
Funny, Maria!...(m)
And is hubby as sexy as this guy? Or is this an actual conversation? LOL. You did good, Kid. Have a good one, Sammi
Hot, is Right...(m)
Wow, you got me humming, without even trying. You brought romance in a new way. And this is classic: Something rude is poking out of your towel. I'm LMAO. Good job, Sammi
Yay!!! Finally, Bobbi Ann’s makes it (m)
into a story. You did a fabulous job with your dialogue and I really found out a lot about these two people from their conversation. I felt like I was sitting there eating lunch with them and wishing I had some of those meatballs and spaghetti (which reminds me a of a funny cooking joke I got today from Thia_d…I’m email it to you!)
Oh, that last line was good too! How do our hubby’s know what we have up our sleeve? LOL
Mac
Hey Sammi (m)
I felt the nervousness and anxious vibes well...great showing and of course I loved the ending!!! A baby, how special, they are so precious!!
Great job and thanks for the exercise, it was fun!
Maria
Girlfriend, you got it going!!! (m)
Your conversation was too cool! I loved the bickering caused by jealousy, which leads to his “pest” sneaking out from the towel. Goodness, that was funny!!!
Great use of dialogue. I hope we see these two make it into another story of yours. They’re entertaining.
Mac
PS…I didn’t get lost either. Their voices were both distinct.
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