Thursday's Field Trip (m)
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Thursday's Field Trip (m)
| Thu, 02-21-2002 - 9:23am |
Thursday's Field Trip (m)
This week, let's take a writing field trip. Grab you pad and pencil and click over to this website (http://www.brainofbrian.com/topten2.html#5). After selecting your favorite “worst thing to see on your performance evaluation,” come back and write a short story (less than 500 words) using that idea.
Have fun,
Mac
PS…if you don’t want to write a story you can just tell us which one you liked best!

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Here is mine. I hope this is what you wanted.
It was the performance evaluation time for the employees. I sat and looked at the clock just hoping that the day would skip by. Around eight they started to trickle in for work.
I called everyone in one at a time to get their evaluation. Everyone seem to have a good evaluation for their colleagues except one. This poor guy had that worst one that I had seen in the 5 years that I worked there. Phillip had to be disliked to have an evaluation like that.
Wanting some reasons I called in Mary. Mary was the office gossip leader.
Mary walked in, “You wanted to talk to me Mrs. Dakot?”
“Yes Mary, please have a seat.”
Mary sat down in the chair and adjusted herself so she would look professional, before she looked up.
“Mary I need to ask you about your comment on Phillip’s evaluation.”
“You much mean this one…since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."
“Yes that the one.” I replied trying not to laugh at how easily she said it.
“I swear that he is nearing China, and will fall of the Earth if he keeps it up.”
“Ok,” as I bit back a laugh, “What is wrong with his skills?”
“Oh, please don’t get me started on that I will be here all day.” Mary’s hand flew a mile a minute as she talked. “All I can say for sure is that he needs learn to sleep at home and not work.”
“Ok, Mary, thank you that will be all. Could you please send Mark in?”
Mary stood up and straightened her skirt, before leaving the office, “Yes Ma’am.”
The next guy was Mark. He was Phillip’s partner. His review was not to kind either but it was the best that Phillip got. There was a knock on the door the Mark entered.
“You wanted to see me?” Mark asked before adding, “This is about Phillip right?”
“Yes on both accounts, please pull up a chair.” He nodded and sat down as I continued. “Since you are his partner I was hoping you might fill me in on him.”
“Well Phillip is not a bad guy, I think that he has lost his marbles and needs to find them.”
“Oh?”
“Yah, how many people you know that get their tie stick in the copier, or try to sharpen a pen in the pencil sharper.”
I sat there in disbelief, “He did that?”
“That not all,” Mark stated. “This one is the real howler, he fell asleep during lunch yesterday and fell face first into his clam chowder.” Mark was chuckling, “You should have seen him.”
“Oh my, that was all I needed to know Mark, thank you.”
Mark got up and went to the door. “Phillip is really not that bad, I think that he is just having a rough time in his life.”
“I think you are right there Mark. Will you please send Phillip in.”
Have a mystical day,
Jade
Please Pray and Support O
Village Idiots come in all sizes, shapes, and job descriptions!
As the passengers began boarding the United Airbus that would travel from Grand Island, Nebraska to Fargo, North Dakota, a stewardess stood in the mini-kitchen slamming metal doors.
“Damn! I need something cold to drink, and I need it now. Preferably a Coke!”
The passengers expecting their usual greetings of “Welcome or Hello” as they boarded were shocked by her outburst.
WHAM! “These drinks aren’t even cold!” screamed the platinum blonde, buxom woman with nine-inch burgundy nails.
“Shit! DAMN drawer broke my nail.”
“Excuse me, Miss? Miss?”
“Can’t you see I’m busy here? What is it, already?”
“I think the overhead compartments are too small for my bag. I was wondering if it would be alright for me to put it in the closet here?”
“You’re the fool who carried on a bag too big, and NOW you want to make it MY problem? You need to go check that bag at the counter!”
“But aren’t we about to take off?”
“I’m thinking you need to TAKE OFF!”
The small, plump bald-headed man in a very nice Greg Norman sky blue golf shirt and kakis stuttered, and then stumbled as he tried to back out of the small kitchen and make his way off the plane.
The Captain, standing just inside the cockpit, caught the tail end of Margaret’s thrashing of the poor passenger.
“Excuse me, sir. I’m terribly sorry about this. Please…you can put your bag in this closet. And I do apologize.”
“Thank you for your help.”
Mr. Casual Business Man walked down the isle to his seat.
“Margaret! Have you lost your mind?”
“Listen El Cap-E-TON, I’ve had a rough night, and the day is only getting worse, so just stuff your pie-hole, and move out of my way.”
“I’ll move out of your way, and right to the radio to phone in your behavior. I want you replaced before we even start the engines.”
“Go for it, BIG GUY. You think you can bump me, I say give it your best shot!”
The Captain turned, and stepped into the cockpit where he immediately requested to speak to the supervisor in charge of airline stewards.
“This is Captain Thomas of United Air Bus Flight number 4178 to depart for Fargo. We have a belligerent, madwoman for a head stewardess, Margaret MacElhanney that needs to be replaced immediately. In fact, I will NOT depart with this woman on the plane.”
“Yes, that’s right. Well, lets just say, ‘This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.’ Yes...thank you for your assistance."
Captain Thomas placed an announcement over the PA system of the Air Bus.
“Good Morning Ladies and Gentleman, seems we have a slight problem with our customer service today, and it will require an extraction. If you all could be patient for about thirty minutes or so, we'll have a new head stewardess for you. Drinks are on the house!”
The entire plane erupted in applause as the Air Bus idiot was escorted off the plane. Her last words, “The sodas are warm and there's no coffee brewing. Enjoy!"
Let me guess...he was fired? Good job, Jade! kat
Kat, wow great story! I bet she got wrote up big time. Sounded like a lady we had scary
Have a mystical day,
Jade
Please Pray and Support O
Jim loves Ann Landers...
Aliens took over my brain, that's about all I can say here.
Have fun, Eyewrite
*********************************
Jim Loves Ann Landers
In today’s Ann Landers, Appalled in Alabama asks how to demand her son to stop being gay and to give her grandchildren.
“Jim?†My supervisor taps my shoulder.
Ann tells Appalled that sexual orientation is not a choice and that she cannot demand her son to do anything. I start again at the top of the letter and look for the secret messages Ann has placed in her column for me.
A. P. P. L. – Hey! I hear a plastic click and my screen goes black. I look up. Sonya snarls down on me. I’ve never seen that shade of magenta on a human face before.
“JIM. Follow me into my office.â€
I pick up Panda and slip on my Superman cloak and follow. When we reach her office, she closes the door behind me and points to a chair. I apply hand sanitizer to the seat and the arms of the chair while steam escapes from my supervisor’s ears. When my battery-operated pocket fan has dried the surface, I sit and face him.
“Jim, we have to let you go.â€
My jaw drops. I clutch Panda closer.
“In your performance review, your peers said: ‘He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.’ They say you show up late or not at all, that you read advice columns on the Internet and neglect your work. They also say you have, ahem, a personal hygiene problem. You disinfect everything except your own body.â€
I look at Panda and Panda looks at me.
“I will escort you to your desk and you will have three minutes to gather your personal effects. Do you have any questions?â€
I nod.
“You are discriminating against me because I’m gay.â€
Steam now pours from every orifice in her skull. It smells minty.
“Now, Jim, we agreed…â€
“I wrote my thesis on discrimination, didn’t I, Panda?†Panda nods.
My supervisor reaches for her phone. I know she’s going to call security. I panic. I clamp her wrist with my vise-grip hands and hiss.
“Sexual orientation is not a choice. You have no right to fire me because I’m gay. My colleagues are in on it. You bribed them to say I’m not a good fit…†I’m spitting now. “You got this job because you slept with the founder. I heard you came to your interview with a skirt so short that Peru could see you.â€
Panda and I leave the office with our heads held high. We sail past the crowd at the water cooler; we float past the fax machine. We prance right into the president’s office. My mirror image looks up from his laptop.
“I want you to fire Sonya.†I pull my very best pout out of my pocket and add a whimper.
“Whatever my little Jimmy wants.†My twin pulls me onto his lap and strokes my hair. “Whatever my little Jimmy wants.â€
Face first into clam chowder, yikes. Funny, Jade! (nt)
Good riddance! She's nasty. (nt)
I've worked with some REAL nutcases before...
but Jimbo takes the cake! You may want to cut back on the caffine there, eyewrite!
Funny read! kat
I've come across one or two of these in my lifetime, let's hope there are no more! n/t
I loved #7,(m)
"He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle." So my story is a true one that I heard on the local news tonight.
A man robbed a bank here in Springfield this afternoon, and got away with quite a bit of money. But the police had no trouble finding him. The reason? It was very windy today, and the police just followed the trail of money left behind as it blew from his hands while he was running away.
Linda
cl-ozarker
"We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master." - Ernest Heminway
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