Argument with Husband - Would Like Input
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Argument with Husband - Would Like Input
| Thu, 04-02-2009 - 11:47am |
So today is day 17 of sobriety.
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Hi, I thought of something else I wanted to add.
We've (me and my DH) done many activities together since I've been sober that in the past would have included me drinking (nightclub, eating out, movies).
This is a toughie because we are not tee-totalers or come down on any moral position about others drinking.
Actually Beth, you've helped me a lot to see things in a different perspective.
Hi fsmb,
Sometimes tip-toeing around stuff is a good idea. This is one of those times.
Castaway
A Friend in Recovery
Paul
This may sound like a broken record, but please get yourself into AA. If there is a meeting time or place that you don't feel comfortable with, there are other times and meeting places if it's like the program we have in my town. Same scenario for Al-Anon. The times don't fit my schedule well because I work 2 jobs, but for most people, they can find a time/place that works for them. There are not always the same people at any of the meetings. Sometimes that's a good thing & sometimes it isn't. Some of the people who need the meetings the most are not consistent in going. If you do go, please don't let yourself be in that category because once you start skipping meetings, it becomes easier to replay that old tape in your mind which says I don't really need this and "I'm" in control. Admitting you aren't in control is part of the acceptance of knowing you are an alcoholic.
The guy I was with is still in denial about how bad his problem is. I hate to see anyone not get the help & support they need when it's out there. My ex-boyfriend really needs rehab, but you may not need rehab--only AA which is a lot less expensive since AA takes donations to keep their program going.
I will echo some sentiments of what some others have said and you admitted yourself: many co-workers are not real friends. Some might end up becoming real friends, but if they don't support you in your request to get/stay sober, then they really are not your friends. A true friend usually knows when their friend has a drinking problem and would be supportive of help for that person. If the people in your life do not line up with that type of support, then they likely are not going to understand or be supportive about your new quest in life. AA can provide some friendships (perhaps lifelong friendships) where they know where you're coming from, they can support you, and they can be there if you need to talk via phone or in person. Sometimes with alcoholism, you figure out who truly cares about you by how they behave when you tell them you're trying to get off the booze. If they act uncomfortable with it, they just might also have a problem w/it. You don't know what they are dealing with if they are not honest about things.
Bottom line is it's time for some new friends! I wish you luck.
Paul,
Thanks for your kind, honest and respectful post.
Hi Mitsy!
I might have responded to you in other posts thinking you were someone else if you have two user names. If that's the case, I might not have realized you had posted before. While I know it is a huge step for most alcoholics to admit needing help, it just seems like AA would make it easier for people if they had the support which comes with that group. My ex-boyfriend called me last night and we had a conversation (not all that productive) which he claimed that since I don't drink, I don't understand it (meaning his addiction). Certainly, I can't understand it the same way as I've never been a drinker, but I do understand the bad behaviors that usually accompany alcoholism. That much seems pretty consistent with the stories I've heard at my Al-Anon meetings. Most all of the members are women so their alcoholic is a man. Maybe men are more likely to get hateful and blame other people. My association with active women alcoholics has been very limited, although I do have a couple close friends who did have a problem with it years ago but sought help.
You sound like you know you have a problem with it which is more than my former boyfriend will admit at times (other times he can admit it). But, I firmly believe recovering addicts (alcohol or drugs) need the support of some type of 12-step program if not the actual AA program. I'm sure there are other programs around. I just think this type of addiction would be so much easier to conquer if you had regular support from people who have been there. And making new friends who don't socialize at the bars would be wonderful for you. Please keep us posted.
Hi Mitsy,
No, I've always had this name.
It was a huge step for me to admit to a problem.
I think you would be ok...and that you should TRY it....make sure you order an appetizer...and if you get uncomfortable...say you have to go.
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