What is normal anyway???
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| Wed, 05-04-2005 - 4:24pm |
I just don't know what to think sometimes. I am trying to figure out what is 'normal' for a four year old. Ds turned 4 in April. 99% of the time he can not count to 5. So I am assuming the 1% he does is just luck. He knows the numbers, but gets them all out of order. He'll say 1, 2, 7, 9, 17, 12, 13, 3. Just with in the last 2 months has he learned his colors and shapes. I'd say about 75% of the time he gets them right. He doesn't know any of his letters. He doesn't know his birthday. It has been a month and he still doesn't know he's four. If you ask he will still say 3 and hold up 2 fingers. He can't button his pants or do zippers.
I know from working with kids this age that he is behind. It's hard to believe he should be in kindergarten in a year. It just frustrates me when the mothers of kids his age tell me "little Suzy is starting to read already" and my child can't count to 5!!!!! I try to not compare but it is so hard. Then I think about the road we have ahead of us and get frustrated.
I wish I didn't have to work so I could devote more time to ds. I feel like there is no way I am able to work with him for the amount of time I need to for him to accomplish these basic things.
Just needed to vent.
kate
ds Dylan 4 yrs
ds Travis 12 weeks

Well, if he just turned 4 then he won't be going to kindie for another school year, and he is still young.
There is such a range in the preschool level it is hard not to compare our kids to others especially when some will start out far ahead. There is a developmental checklist somewhere on ivillage and if not do a search and you will find many. That will help you see where he is at and if you should be concerned.
On the specifics you said, well my 1st grader was what I thought was a bit behind going into K (she is my one non-spectrum, non-special needs child) and I asked the teachers. What I was told was that she should be able to label all her numbers and letters by mid way through K. She knew colors and shapes going into K but probably learned them about 4.
Now, Emily I think was further behind then what you are saying from my recolection but we are now in process for testing her for learning disabilities. However, she is just now slipping to what they consider below grade level and even in K she was ok, just on the lower end. She has some significant vision processing problems. However, in other ways she is very bright. At 4 I don't think she knew any letters at all and we had gotten computer programs, toys, games, books to teach these skills. She just barely learned her letters by mid K (near her 6th b-day) and was just starting to read 3 letter words.
Best I can say is look at developmental checklists and see how he fairs. If you are still concerned get him evaluated by the school district. If they start early he will get a jump start and likely be able to catch up on many of these skills and even get ahead prior to K.
BTW, reading before school is not normal. My oldest 2 did it, but they are HFA and hyperlexic. They have great visual skills but deficiencies in other areas. All kids are different with different strengths and needs. My 5yo is very bright and now knows almost all of his letters and number and is learning to write them. He can figure things out fabulously but is not reading yet. Maybe just before he starts K he will but he is not reading yet either.
HTH
Renee
I don't want to minimize your concerns on the letters and numbers part, but do want to give you some comfort. I wasn't even introduced to the alphabet or numbers until I was almost 6 years old and that was in kindergarten. It was much more relaxed back then in regards to expectations of kids at that age, perhaps. We had big inflatable letter characters that just mesmerized me and I couldn't wait to be introduced to a new one each week. I turned out to be the fastest reader and took college English and history in high school, etc. That was back in 1977. I'm not saying "don't worry" like the docs like to tell us, but also 4 is still young. I'm no child development expert, but just thought maybe this might make you feel better.
LR
Well, this is sort of my specialty, since I used to work in early intervention and preschools with a lot of developmentally delayed kids. I would say that if you can devote 30 mins a night to one of these goals at a time, you will be able to do a lot of good. You may want to do this in 10-15 minute sessions, since many DD 4 yr olds might not make it for a half hour working in a area that is not a strength. You can also interject very short activities at other times to build on these skills.
Try these activities for counting:
1) Start with the number 10. Have your child drop 10 of something in a wide-mouthed jar (large beads are good, but you can use stones, macaroni, etc.). We used a Gatoraide bottle, which had a wide mouth. Count with your child when each is dropped in. Do this several times. Try to get your child to do eye contact in anticipation before the bead is dropped or after the bead is dropped. Get excited and cheer after each bead and especially after the 10 beads are all in the container.
2) Count steps, hops, jumps, etc. to get to a goal. Try to get your child to coordinate stepping or jumping with you. Work on getting to 10 before you go on into the teens.
3) Collect things outside, like rocks, leaves, or flowers. Put these things in a bag. Bring them in and count them. Again, keep your numbers under 10 until the child has mastered this.
4) Read some counting books together. Point to items on the pages and count them.
5) Get a workbook or two at Walmart or some other store. The dry erase kind are very useful because you can do the same pages over and over. A reasonable goal may be to do 2 pages every night. Depending on your child's motor skills, you may want to be the one doing the writing at first, since you want to focus on his ability to identify numbers and count items. My guess would be that you should start by having him point to the objects and say the number, with you writing the digit in the appropriate space. You may have to take his finger and point to each object with you saying the number, the first few times.
6) Check out a few counting videos at your local library. I would recommend: Sesame Street's "1-2-3 Count With Me" and "The Great Numbers Game," and also Blues' Clues "ABC's and 123's."
For learning the Alphabet:
1) Get some magnetic alphabet letters and put them on the fridge. Start with only 4 or 5 at a time, as all 26 will overwhelm some kids. Focus on these letters for at least a week. Have your child give you the A or B and stick it on the fridge.
2) Read alphabet books together. Be sure to connect the sound of each letter to it's shape. For example, point to D and say, "D says 'duh' 'duh'. D is for dog. DUH-awguh (pronounce words of each letter phonetically, emphasizing the first sound."
3) Get some alphabet flashcards with pictures on at least one side. The pictures will help your child attach sound and meaning to the letters. Again, separate out only 4-5 cards to work on at a time. Don't quiz your child (everyone hates being put on the spot). Be playful with the cards and use them more like pages of a book.
4) Get some foam letters for use in the tub and play similar games. Continue to separate out only 4-5 letters at a time and emphasize their sounds. Keep varying the order of the letters, so your child does not simply memorize the order.
5) Check you local library for music CD's and videos, as well as books. Some good labels to look for if you want to do work on alphabet letters are Sesame Street and Hap Palmer.
6) Check out videos on the alphabet at your local library. Sesame Street's "Do the Alphabet" and "The Alphabet Jungle Game" are both very good.
7) Get a dry erase book on the alphabet and work in a similar fashion as with the number book.
For self care skills, you really need to focus on one thing at a time. Pick just one dressing task, like putting on socks, and work with your child every morning on this. Many kids on the spectrum have motor planning issues that make these tasks especially difficult. If your child does, it will probably be necessary to get help from an occupational therapist, who can show you some tricks of the trade. Often, gross motor skills and joint attention need to be in place before you can really address fine motor and self care issues in a productive fashion.
Fine motor work is especially difficult for my son, so we have also had to add immediate tangible rewards to our regimen. Everytime he completes 2 pages of a workbook (with help and support from me or my husband), Cassian gets a treat. If you have a daycare provider or preschool teacher, who can suppliment this work, that is great also.
Hopefully, this should get you started. Good luck and let us know how it goes.
Suzi
I completely forgot, a friend told me once,
What is normal? A setting on your washing machine.
I love that and it is true.