Sad and worried about 3.5 yo

Avatar for googolplex
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Sad and worried about 3.5 yo
2
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 7:41pm

Usually it's my 7 yo who gets the attention, because of his various oddities and diagnoses. But more and more I'm getting worried about my 3.5 year old. He seems so depressed, so often. The only time he doesn't seem depressed is if one of the family (usually me) is playing Fisher-Price or cars with him.

Today, something happened that really makes me sad. We went to our local shopping center, which we do together often. We went to Starbucks for a kid's cocoa and tall nonfat Chai, in "our" chair, as usual. Then we went to the fabric/craft store to look around and pick out a few stickers. It was enjoyable and relaxing. Just as we were about to leave, I decided I'd like to go over to the yarn section with him to look at the pretty colors, so I said, "Let's come over here for just a minute," and walked a few paces. I turned to make sure he was following, thinking he's either follow or say he'd rather not, either way was okay with me. Well, he had gone the opposite direction, and I watched as he turned, hugged onto the leg of a total stranger, and then realized his mistake. He came to me and began doing what he does when he's very unhappy about something: He kicked our shopping basket, tried to hit me, and said, "Nobody should go into any store! There shouldn't be any stores! Do you think construction workers should dynamite all the stores?" That kind of stuff. But he also began to cry. It was a sobbing, shoulders heaving kind of cry. I assume he had a fright when he accidentally hugged onto the stranger's leg, so I held him tight and tried to reassure him. But he just kept crying like that. I left our basket and brought him outside. He sobbed and sobbed for about 15 minutes. This is the first time I've seen this from him. Finally, still crying and saying, between heaving sobs, "I hate everything and I want there to be NO TRUCKS!" (he LOVES all trucks), we got in the car and drove home. He cried all the way home, and didn't calm down until he climbed into his sandbox and began to play. All day long, though, he's been upset. "Why does everybody have to buy thing??"

I still don't quite understand what happened. I think it was just a momentary panic, but the reaction just doesn't fit the situation. He's never been particularly clingy.

He talks in a kind of 3.5 yo code. When he's thinking, "I wish mom would get off the blasted computer and play with me right now", he says, "construction workers should dynamite all the computers and throw everything in the garbage!" That's what he's doing now, and he's waited long enough.

I'm not sure what to do or how concerned I should be.

Evelyn

Avatar for betz67
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 8:48pm

(((HUGS))) sounds like a really rough, emotional day for both of you! that stinks!

I think this is worth mentioning to your son's doctor. I don't know that it's anything to worry over, but I would keep it in mind and mention it next time you're there, and if it becomes worse take him in, they can always refer you to the appropriate counselor.

Betsy

Avatar for hathangel
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2003
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 8:50pm

My son who is 8 was just offically diaganosed with HFA. Yet, When I look back at him when he was little there were signs. I didn't recognise them because he was my only son and the baby. So, Maybe what I missed can help you now. While it is your older child that has been diagnosed your youngest may have sensory issues or plain old seperation anxiety. I remember getting lost in a store when I was 4 and I am 38 now. It is a child's worst fear.

My son did not like going shopping. He would only be okay in a few familar ones. He would hide under the racks. When we would go to a friends house he would hide under a table or in a corner if possible.

Your son was fine in Starbucks because it is routine. YOu had your usual drinks and sat at your usual table. One reason my son does not like stores is the flourescent lighting.One of his sensory issues. Starbucks lighting is much like a home. Crowds also affect my son, Maybe yours too. Crowds are okay for awhile then his sensors get overloaded with the noise and commotion.

When I look back at my son at 3 and 4, I can see it now. He wouldn't throw a tantrum in the store. He would beg me not to go in certain ones. At other times I could tell it was time to go. You could see it in his face. A toddler panic attack.
It could have been that he was set to go. Then you shifted gears to look at the yarn. He clung onto a leg that he thought was yours, only to be upset more that his security blanket ( you) wasn't there. How scary for him.

All I can tell you is that kids like ours like routine. If I have alot of running around to do I have to leave mine with my husband. It does get better, Because communication gets better. 3 year old can't say I was scared, this store makes me scared. They only can say I wish all stores would be bulldozed down!
As for the computer he will learn to love it I am sure. COmputer games are great for our kids. I think it was more of a metaphor for Mommy I want you right now. His verbal skills are just not at that level to tell you yet.
Hang in there. I know what it is like. You did everything right. The words will come someday for him. For now mommy's hugs will have to do.
Mitzi