Horrible Brat Cousin, what would you do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2004
Horrible Brat Cousin, what would you do?
2
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 2:26pm
We were at my husband's grandparents over the weekend and his cousin was there with his two kids,a 2yo dd and 5yo ds. My son is 8. This little boy loves to be a complete turd and his parents rarely say a word to him. He is the "golden boy" in the family. My son is not very well liked or accepted under the best of circumsatnces, but GEEZ!!! So this kid is picking the whole time we're there and he's being mean and refuses to play with ds, and intentionally aggravating ds. He goes in and repeatedly turns off T.V. while ds is watching , takes things from him he's playing with, jumps in the middle of the game of catch ds is playing with ss and takes the ball, ss decides to stop playing with ds at this point ( I was SO mad at him for not taking up for ds), and then cousin dear won't play with ds either. He gets in his face and says some mean stuff like he's not playing with him b/c he acts like a baby, he doesn't play right etc... So ds gets in HIS face and (OMG was I proud, he never stands up for himself) tells cousin he can't talk to him like that and he needs to leave him alone if he's not going to play with him. So of course then ds is being fussed at for getting in his face, but noone has said a word to the golden one for his behavior. I was so pissed I was seeing red, I talked to my mother in law later that night and she said dh's cousin who was raised by grandparents was the same when he was little and he was the golden one then and really still is, he kicked dh down the stairs when they were little and wasn't even punished. Her advice was to keep ds away when cousin dear is there, what would you do? We are expected there every weekend, and the cousins are there every other weekend, staying at their house?!?!?!?!
The best (or worst) part was grandma's friend who was over too. Ds was pretty upset the whole day ( gee I can't imagine why), and I kept having to put out little fires and calm meltdowns, so at one point he's crying and I am trying to distract him from the problem at hand, which usually works pretty well, and it's just all a little too much for him, so everything I try to move past it is stupid and he doesn't want to. Ya know I'm saying why don't we go in the other room and talk, why don't you go play with the toys, why don't you go back outside, etc... and this 76 year old woman says and I quote... Why don't you go jump off a cliff? I was shocked!! I looked at her and all I could think to say was oh well that's nice. It was about five minutes after that, that I told dh it's time to go home.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 6:09pm

Well, if it were me, I would absolutely choose not to go visit when this family is also visiting. Absolutely not. These shared weekends will be no fun for you or your family, so why be there?

There must be other places you can go and friends you can see every other weekend so that you do not need to spend time with these people? If this child is allowed to be constantly cruel to your child and there is no recourse, I would think putting your child's well-bring first would pretty much dictate the course of action ...

And the cliff comment was just the icing on the burnt cake. Yuk.

yours,

Sara
ilovemalcolm

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 9:11pm

I've got to agree with Sara. You have to protect your kids and if your DH can't or won't, and you aren't in the mood to start WWIII (and really, who's up for THAT?), I would just not be there when the "horrible turd" and his offspring are. I would be really candid, upfront and matter of fact about it with the grandfolks (not confrontational, since that will cause even more stress) and just let them know that went Horrible Turd and Offspring are in attendance that you guys won't be.

Of course family situations like these are rarely fun and never simple.

My sympathies are with you, as well as righteous indignation. The nerve of some people and their offsring never fails to amaze. BUT, I am a firm believer in what goes around will come around...

Gemma