It was no 'day at the park'...(ds/age 3)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
It was no 'day at the park'...(ds/age 3)
2
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 1:22pm

nt--


thanks for all the great replies and support!


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004

Hi Melanie,

I know what you mean, outings can be tough. Just the other day..Saturday...Tyler had a baseball game, and I had to make 2 errands before the game. Nathan had a meltdown at both places. They were minor meltdowns, but we were still looked at. Then when we went to the game, he spent the whole time "on" me. I was so exhausted that day. We don't have many meltdowns like we used too, and he's getting better to "read"....I know when something is going to set him off, so that's nice!

My eyes welt up with tears alot, especially when we're around other NT children. Even though my older son is NT, it still hurts to watch Nathan struggle. When he was younger, Tyler would "help" him....like at the park, or storytime, or when we were around other kids. Nathan would follow Tyler's lead. He still does this, and he even repeats things that Tyler says...just so that he's saying the right/appropriate thing (I'm guessing!) He wants so desperately to fit in with all the kids. It has helped with his social skills, even though we're still working on it, and probably will for a long time!

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that age 3 was still tough for us too! Now that he's 6, we're able to explain things to him so that he can understand. We have to REPEAT ourselves constantly, because he needs things explained in FULL DETAIL....and over and over again!! LOL But it is alot easier than the meltdowns and tantrums.

Good luck with your "re-evaluation"!!

Michelle

Avatar for googolplex
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003

Hi Melanie,

My AS child is 7, and we used to go to the park all the time between the ages of one and three. Obviously I don't know your DS, but from what you wrote it sounds like the problem, from his point of view, was that you took away the catepillar and tried to get him to shift in socializing mode. I've learned a few things about my own son over the years, and in hindsight, I can think of many times when he was doing some kind of imaginary thing that I didn't realize. If your son is anything like mine, perhaps he had some kind of scenario going on in his head that included that caterpillar.

Or, do you thing he is resisting socializing because he's anxious about socializing? Are there too many other kids? Are they doing things that may confuse or irritate your ds? Looking back, I can see many examples of both scenarios in my own ds.

I remember when my ds began having wild freak-outs at what appeared to be some nothing. He was 3, and I was putting him to bed. He wanted me to pretend to put up the side of his "crib". I complied, said a few things, and then leant down to kiss him. He totally lost it. I couldn't figure out why he was screaming bloody murder and was soooo MAD. It turns out I had forgotten to "put the side of the crib down" before kissing him. I had defied some law of his imaginary universe, by leaning through the "bars of the crib".

I never got the impression that he was avoiding social interactions until he was 3 or 3.5. Then again, I'm a total introvert, and socializing with anyone but the very closest friends drains me. By about 3, I noticed that he began to refuse to go to the park because there were large groups of preschoolers or day campers who would come and get loud and pushy. I didn't see it as a huge problem, though. I don't like groups of loud, pushy people either. LOL! My kids are like me, we like the occasional one-on-one "playdate" with a very close friend.

Anyway, I think keeping the playdates short and sweet may be a good idea. I think, if I were in your shoes, and needed the park/social time, I'd take him and let him ignore the other kids if he wants. Then again, if you want to teach social skills, my family is probably the last people you want to take advice from. LOL!

And if people really are giving you those looks, then to heck with them. I try to tune out people who clearly don't *get* it.

Take care,
Evelyn

Mom of David 7, AS and Nathan, 3