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| Fri, 06-03-2005 - 9:58am |
I guess I am in a snarky mood. Dh's cousin is married to a woman that I am friendly with. She also has a child the same age as Aaron. They are both Oct 2000 babies. Her son has always been developmentally ahead of Aaron, of course. He does all the things I wish my son would do... plays with toys, rides a bike, likes roughhouse play, just enjoys life in general. He doesn't fall apart if he falls down or somebody bumps into him. I just wish Aaron could be a regular kid, like him.
Cousin's boy has some typical 4 year old speech sound issues. No big deal. She decided to get his speech tested with they school district, mainly hoping to get in on their free preschool. They can't afford to pay for preschool, though they do not qualify for the Pre-K program. So I guess she thought his speech might get him in.
She told me yesterday that he did not qualify, and that he tested at a Kindergarten level. And she was not happy about it.
I would give anything for my son to not need any therapy. This woman has no idea the gift she's been given.
Amanda, mom to Aaron, 4, PDD-NOS and Madeline, 19 months

Amanda,
I know how you feel. I don't have any friends with special needs children. And it does get bothersome when they complain about their children. I just try not to show that I'm bothered. I have rough days with my NT too!! LOL It's tough being a parent either way, you have different challenges depending on your child. I only find it real difficult when they make comments like, "oh my kids do that too!" or "he'll grow out of it, they all do!"
I try to just focus on Nathan, and who he is. Like Vicky, I appreciate that he's HERE. And I embrace all of his little quirkiness!! I wouldn't change anything about him. I think of all those kids that have cancer or some other disease......I know it could be worse. I think I'm learning to find ways to help myself think more positively about my situation. I have depression, so it does get difficult sometimes. But I know it's important not to dwell on what others do or say....especially about situations they know nothing about. All I can do, is just keep imforming my friends and family about autism, and about Nathan....and hope that helps them learn more too.
Michelle
Hi Vicky.
I do get what you mean. Be glad that he is here, mine, and special. I have come so far in the past 16 months or so. That was right before I figured out that he was on the spectrum. We'd had so many difficult days. And so many people putting their 2 cents in about him being "spoiled" and "lazy" (both from my FIL) I read books about strong-willed children, discipline and all that. We knew he was delayed, but, not knowing he was on the spectrum, just thought he needed more discipline... and I felt like a lousy parent. Since the diagnosis, starting OT, and reading lots about this I am able to have more patience, and not always assume that whatever negative behavior is a discipline problem. This alone has made our life much easier.
My son is also getting easier. Lots of things that used to frighten him do not now, or he is at least better able to cope. We got him potty trained at 3.5, but he refused to poop anywhere but home. This really made outings inconvenient at times and aggravated me so! A few months ago I realized he is afraid of public toilets due to the noise! So now he just covers his ears. I guess my point is... I wish I'd had this level of understanding him years ago!
I guess the reason this mom's comment got to me is I've spent years in family situtations watching her son do things with ease, and my son struggle. He watches the other kids tear off down the street on bikes, and he wants to as well. Then he tries to get on one with training wheels, and is frightened by the lack of balance. And then there is frustration... and a meltdown. It is just those moments that are hard for me. I am sure a lot of other moms feel the same way.
But I do enjoy my son more and more now. DH and I are so happy to take him places and try new things with him now. I can't wait to see what he is like when he is 7!
Amanda
Amanda,
I went through those times too, and still do. And at the age he's at was one of the most difficult for me. We didn't go to the movies because we didn't know if Chase would meltdown. He completely freaked out at Monsters Inc. when the sock was on the monsters back. He dropped to the floor in the theater, put his hands over his ears and starting screaming. In kindergarten he used to get lost at school just coming back from the bathroom and have a meltdown right there in the hallway. He has come so far from that time. He can still get very anxious and I always plan for short trips when we go somewhere. It is a journey and I've experienced depression also. I tried anti-depressants and they made me feel like a zombie and gain 10 pounds. Hang in there. It does get easier but not easy. Sincerely, Vicky
Ya know I what you are meaning, and about the positives too. I have 2 recent examples from both sides.
The first was a comment. I know the person talking had no idea how I was feeling or what I would think. She was just a mom complaining. She has 2 kids and was complaining about getting them to all thier activities. Talking about soccer, scouts, friends houses, etc. She made a comment to me saying "I don't know how you get all 4 to all thier activities". I just laughed with her, but all I could think was I wish I could be bothered with bringing the kids to those activities rather than therapy and doctor appointments. I wish my kids could HANDLE those regular kid activities.
The second is a good thing. When you are a mom of special needs kids, you learn to stop and smell the roses. To appreciate the little things and not get all into the running around. The big birthday parties and sleepovers, and you don't expect your child to be a big success at some sport or other activity. You are just thrilled with the little things.
The other day Mike's aide approached me after school. She told me Mike had gotten a star because a little girl had fallen off the monkey bars and Mike went to get the aide to help. Then he helped walk the girl to the nurses office. I went home and was asking Mike about it and as he was relating the story for me in his special way and very proud of himself. I had to give him a big hug so he wouldn't see the tears. (Happy tears are confusing ya know)I have a hundred examples where they just melt my heart. I don't think I would nearly appreciate that with a NT child. I know if Emily did that I would just smile, tell her I was proud and not think a thing of it.
Hmmm, sounds like a great thread started. Maybe I will do that.
Renee
I feel this way too. I think my absolute biggest pet peeve in the entire world is people who complain that their children talk to much. When I see someone in the check out line with a kid saying " Mom look at this, Mom look at this, Mom what's this, Mom I want this." I would give anything to have my child doing that! Even just to call me Mom! That is one thing that gets to me the most now, and there are times when I'm able to ignore and there are times when I have not. I've left stores in tears, and I've told mother's they should just be grateful their child could talk....what if they were hurting and couldn't tell them what was wrong. They should just be grateful. But I know that the girls will talk more with time and it does me no good to get upset at other people....it just bothers me. I've never complained about my girls running around, or climbing things, ect....because I am thankful they can do all of those things. I know I have a different perspective because the kids have special needs and I am so thankful I am not one of those parents who is unaware of how blessed they are.
I'm hoping that this becomes less of a sore spot with time...I'm afraid I might smack a mother in a grocery store one of these days... :)
Our Webpage: www.aliandpeanut.com
Our local Down syndrome group webpage: www.upwithdowns.org
Our Webpage: www.aliandpeanut.com
Our local Down syndrome group: