Hair is getting wild, but they Hate cuts

Avatar for googolplex
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Registered: 03-31-2003
Hair is getting wild, but they Hate cuts
7
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 1:44pm

Hi. I just wondering if anyone has any helpful hints about cutting hair. It's my NT child who I'm having the most trouble with, although both of my kids hate haircuts. David, my 7 yo AS boy, has straight hair that doesn't need to be combed, which is great, because I think he'd rather poke needles in his eye. About once or twice a year, we take him to the haircut place, where he sits still for bangs trimming but not much more. He generally ends up looking like he just got off the Partridge Family bus (You all are about the right age to remember David and/or Shaun Cassidy, right?).

Nathan has very fine, smooth, curly hair that forms into fuzzy little dreadlocks in the back. It seems to torture him when I comb it; even the parts that aren't snarled up. I used to do a bit of home trimming. (chop chop), but It's just too much. He also looks like he came from a 70's rock band, not as geeky as the Partridge Family, but there have been so many times that I've had to chop out bits of snarly bits (and gum that flew out of David's mouth when he was spinning around)...that I'm afraid it's starting to look more silly than cool.

I took him to a haircut place about 9-12 months ago, and the lady said she wouldn't be able to do anything until I got his hair combed through, but that really isn't possible.

Oh, and both of my kids are extremely afraid of those buzzer/clipper things.

So, what do I do? If I just let my kids have weird hair, is it that big of a deal? I was tortured by my home haircuts, but my boys don't care what their hair looks like as long as nobody touches it. I just think it's starting to look like I'm some kind of a nut case mom. LOL

Anyone else with haircutting issues? It would be pretty drastic to give them buzz cuts, although that's more typical for boys.

Evelyn

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Registered: 10-03-2004
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 8:11pm

Dear Evelyn,

Malcolm has beautiful brownish-red curls all over his head, and he has NEVER let me comb through it. I cut it myself, often when it's wet,and I just pull out the hair with my fingers and a little conditioner, and snip off the ends of the curls in an approximation of short, even locks. Then, blessedly, it curls back up again and you can't really tell that I know nothing about cutting hair. Then, I rub a little baby oil through it and it looks just fine. Anything that starts to "dread" up, I cut off whenever I see one.

I have thought about taking him some day to a barber or even my hairdresser, who he likes, but he likes the way his hair looks now and doesn't want it to be different. I've asked. His daddy has longish twisted dreads, and I always think he'd be cute in those, too, but he again isn't interested.

The short mop of curls make him look just a little younger than he is, but that just balances out the fact that my almost 8 year old is taller than many 11 year olds!!!

I don't know if that will help with your younger child's hair, as I'm trying to picture what you are describing and can't tell if it's the same as my son's. Personally, I think David Partridge had a kinda cute hairdo...

yours,

Sara
ilovemalcolm

Avatar for deerhart
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 1:01pm

I have one that HATED hair cuts and another who tolerates them.

My oldest aboslutely hated getting his hair cut. It literally took 2 of us holding him sideways for them to do it on many occassions. He know tolerates them fine. But, we cannot use the buzzer/clipper as he dislikes the sound of it, but he will tolerate the scissors. The person also has to start at the back of his head, work to the top, then do the front, and save around the ears for dead last. We also have to avoid getting hair in his face as much as possible. He has similiar issues with getting his hair washed (doesn't like water in face or around ears) but we have also worked through that issue.

WIth my youngest, he just won't sit still and trys to reach for the scissors or turn his head to see what they are doing. He would probably stand the clippers but we haven't tried it yet (though he doesn't like a lot of those kind of sounds either).

We did very little haircuts when my oldest was younger and people kept telling us if we took him more often he wouldn't be so afraid. They didn't realize that he also had issues with washing his hair and such and this was beyond him being afraid of the hair cut (he would on the other hand cut his own hair and did several times). Once we figured out what was bothering him (as he was more able to tell us) and we were able to teach him ways of coping and giving him some control (letting him choose to use the scissors or the clippers, letting him touch the scissors, with washing his hair letting him pour the water over his head, teaching him to lean his head backwards in the shower) he did much better.

Not suprising, he also has issues with going under the water in the pool, but he seems to be working on that as well and has started going under the water on purpose and doing things like jumping into the pool and getting his hair wet, where last year at swim lessons they would do bobs and he would stop when the water hit his chin.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 1:40pm

i have a 2 and 3 yr old with the same problems. i have tried it every way mentioned, even going to a so-called kid place where they sit on a merry go round horse and are surrounded by tvs, etc.

so, call me a rotten mother. i have gotten to the point where we bought clippers, i turn on the vacuum near by (which they tolerate ok) and i buzz. not super short, but what it takes to get it right. my mom comes over and ends up holding them in a bear hug hold and thats what we do. it's the quickest for us. yes, they scream and cry. but once it's done they seem to forget about it pretty quick.

we don't have any water issues, btw. just problems with the cutting part.

v

~Valerie
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Registered: 01-19-2005
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 11:03pm

Hi Evelyn,

I think haircutting issues are very common for kids on the spectrum. Every mom I know personally with an ASD kid, and many with NT kids too, has gone through the "hold them on your lap while they scream and hair flies everywhere" experience at one time or another.

From the people I know with boys, it seems they either go for the 70's longish look, that you describe (which I actually think is kind of cute, my favorite Partridge was David Cassidy, embarrassing, isn't it!). Or they go short with buzz-like cuts. Some people wait until the kids are asleep and do a quickie cut (my boy would wake up, but I guess if they are sound sleepers this could work!)

We took Eric for his first haircut at around 18 mos. to one of the kid places. He would let you hold him, not much thrashing, but he hated the clippers too, screamed bloody murder the whole time, and the "bring your own video" thing didn't work either. He didn't mind the scissors though, and for a long time after the first bad experience I cut his hair myself. Eric has fine, curly hair, not thick so it is easy to cut, but he too hates having it combed. No water issues though.

Here is what we did. He likes to count, so to get him to let us comb it after a bath, we told him to pick a number to count to and we'd comb his hair that number of times. At first he of course said "1" which we accepted but gradually increased the number over time. That worked pretty well. With his hair wet, he'd sit on DH's lap watching his favorite video and I'd show him the scissors and tell him where I was going to cut. I'd pick up small amounts of hair with my fingers and cut it just above my fingers. Not the prettiest cut, but short and neat.

After doing that for a few months, we took him back to the kid's hair place "to watch" a few times and we rewarded him with ride on the kid's train at the mall. Then we talked about getting his haircut there again and that he could ride the train as a reward. That worked for Eric. He still hates the clippers and we told the stylist to show them to him and to tell him each step of what she is doing. He tolerates it, no screaming, but still not his favorite thing. He'll do it just for the train ride, I think.

This process took us about a year to slowly get him adjusted. Eric has started to take an interest in his appearance a bit, he wants to be "a handsome man" so now he is interested in combing. He's 3. In our case we were lucky, it seems like it just took patience and time, also probably partly his getting a bit older too.

Good luck. You are not alone by any means. I've seen this problem on other boards too.

Katherine

Avatar for lariedg
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Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 11:21pm

Delurking to chime in... This is a problem for us too.

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Registered: 12-24-2004
Thu, 06-09-2005 - 12:12pm

Evelyn,

Cassian used to have a lot of problems with haircuts. When he was very young and still napping, I would cut his hair only when he slept. He slept so soundly that I could turn him to get a pretty even cut. Then at about 2 yrs, he started waking up when I tried to cut his hair, so that ended this practice. He would tantrum when I tried to cut his hair, and I didn't feel confident enough to have DH hold him and let me cut. I feared I would hurt someone with the scissors.

So, at this point, I found a nice lady at a beauty shop, who said she had had a boy who tantrumed about haircuts too. She used to have to put her kid in the bathtub and cut his hair until he was about 8 yrs old, and he didn't have an ASD diagnosis. By the time DS was about 3.5 yrs, we were having to get DH to hold his body, while I held his head still, and the beautician cut his hair. He screamed the whole time. We would only go through this ordeal about 3 times a year because it was so awful, and we always had the lady cut it very short. Gradually, DS got better about sitting still and not tantruming, but he needed me or DH to hold him in the chair to keep him still.

Cassian is now 5.5 yrs, and he has only recently (about January) begun to cooperate with someone who is cutting his hair. Interestingly, this happened about the same time he learned to sit still and listen in circle time and also around the same time he began taking himself to the potty.

Some other things that helped Cassian understand what was going on was an Elmo video that showed Elmo's friend getting a haircut (it's one of the Elmo's World series that has episodes on Flowers, Bananas, and Hair). Since your kids are older, you might look for videos in your local library that address the "science" of hair and nails because these would be more age appropriate. Books about the topic might also be helpful.

Occupational therapists also recommend desensitizing procedures, like repeatedly brushing the child's hair, to help them desensitize to having their heads touched in this way. You can ask a beautician to do a scissor cut with no electric clippers, if you want. Also, at one point, Cassian could get through a haircut if he was allowed to get up and walk around a couple of times and then come back to the chair for more cutting.

Personally, I don't think there is any law that says boys cannot have long hair, so if your kids are sporting a longer style, I hardly think that is a reason for other people to judge you or them. Actors like Fabio and Kevin Sorbo (guy who played Hercules) have made fame and fortune on their long hair. Of course, long hair does conflict with the more active lifestyle of many boys, and I think the gum in the hair and tangles you described is probably a good reason to try to keep your son's hair shorter.

Good luck.

Suzi

Avatar for deerhart
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 06-09-2005 - 3:18pm
LOL we do the Dora the Exploer what does the map say for a quick overview of the days schedule. The map says Home school babysitter's home! As long as i give prewarning that the map is changing we are okay and it does work very well for both my oldest DS and my youngest NT ds.