TV viewing/limiting.
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| Thu, 06-16-2005 - 9:17pm |
I was talking with a couple of parents in my son's first grade classroom, and I was sadly reminded of how many people routinely let their children watch TV with no control or supervision. Both parents casually mentioned how they often go into their kids' rooms at night and find them asleep with the TV on.
I composed a big, long post about how I feel about that, and about how my own children aren't allowed to watch commerical tv or anything as violent as, for instance, "Power Rangers." I realized, when it was all over, that it was a bit much to plod through.
But I'm so concerned that so many parents let their kids watch any old thing on TV, unsupervised. I shudder at the idea of my children seeing just about anything on television these days: the news, ads for horror movies, you name it.
I can tell by the way David talks that he's picking up a lot of the "violence and rudeness is cool and normal" attitude from other kids. In talking with people, I've discovered that people often seem to thing the choices are: Play sports outside, or watch TV inside. What's wrong with books, Legos, paints, matchbox cars, Play Dough, dolls, play food, etc.? I can't help but think about how it's our responsibility to nurture their developing minds. I don't want to let Disney, Warner-Brothers (whatever they are now), Coca-Cola, Kraft, or any of them to influence my children's development.
I'm going to stick to my guns (to use an awful metaphor) and continue to keep the TV off except for the occasional "Dragon Tales" and carefully selected videos. I've got one friend who is totally with me on this, but I really feel like the general public is not. I can see how the whole TV thing can slip out of a parent's control, little by little. I was so adamant about "no violence/no commercials" that poor DH has always had to wait until late at night to watch his grown-up shows. It's just how life is in our house.
Oh, I'm waffling on again. Better stop. Just wondering what other people have to say. I suppose this isn't specifically an ASD thing. I will say that my AS child is very sensitive to what he sees on TV, and has been freaked out by shows as benign as "Postman Pat" (a soft-sculpture postman in a quaint English village who drinks tea with his neighbors.) ASD or not, who do you want to raise your kids into the adults of the future? Yourself and other trusted, caring adults or the idiot box?
Whew, I hope that's not too long. ;)
Evelyn, mom of David 7 and Nathan 3.5

Dear Evelyn,
Well, I loved your diatribe. Passion is a cool thing, esp. in parents. And I really understand where you are coming from. I myself was raised in a no-TV hippie peace-love-light-and-leftist politics household, and I will say it was a huge block to socialization for me to not to have any idea of what the other kids on the playground were talking about ever. I had other blocks to socialization, too, probably partially ASD-type symptoms, but I sure wished we had a TV. My dad was not in any way shape or form swayed by any argument we could come up with, though, and he did raise a creative, non-conformist buncha kids. I spent years as a young adult watching reruns, though, trying to catch up.
That being said, we limit Malcolm's TV and all other screens viewing (gameboy, playstation, etc.) to 2 hours a day total because we know it's not helpful towards his development. And one hour of that needs to be interactive games with another human being. All his therapists are pretty clear that too much staring at a screen without human interaction does him no good, really. Hence the limits. He actually isn't that interested in TV, except for SpongeBob Squarepants and Fairly OddParents occasionally. I can't stop his involvement with some violence and societal boy stuff, though, because my husband (also shades of ASD) is an avid gamer. He does program the gore out of any game he plays with Malcolm, but Malcolm definitely has the "cool" factor going for him with other boys his age due to his gaming experience and expertise honed by hours of playing against "the Big Guy", who is Dad. Malcolm (Grasshopper)is a rockin' gamer.
We are also careful with the movies we take him to because too much suspense and violence disturbs him, but his tolerance is a little higher than it used to be. Still, no "Batman Begins" quite yet. He may almost be ready (8 in a week and a half, gasp) for Harry Potter movies. He loved "The Hobbit" (book and cartoon) and is killing for "Lord of the Rings" We'll try the books first.
Anyways, I found your thoughts refreshing and interesting. I want my son to be able to navigate some in the world of other children, so I actually do not want him to have no understanding of what other kids enjoy, within reason. Personally, I am rather thrilled that he has rejected "Pokemon", etc. out of hand as "boring". And that he often turns off the TV after 5 minutes, saying that there's nothing good on and can we play cards or shoot hoops or, better yet, call a kid.
yours,
Sara
ilovemalcolm
I totally agree about the TV limiting! Thankfully my kids don't watch much TV, but they realy like movies (so do DH and I). I don't mean to sound like a commercial but I really like cleanfilms.com because they edit out the swear words, rude behavior and the sexual situations. You pay a fee each month and they send you the DVDs from your list. I know there are other company's doing it now - just look up "family editing" on the net.
Joel (3rd grade) can still connect with the boys at his school when they talk about movies. Both my kids know that I only let edited films in the house. Hollywood is so disgusting now. You have to be careful - especially with our ASD kids who imitate things they see.
Good Luck!
Paula G.
I agree with you all too. Eric is only 3, so we watch little tv except selected videos ("baby bumblee" language and math etc.), PBS Kids, Noggin. We do watch these together. But I can tell if I let him, he'd be content to sit an watch all day. We don't watch anything commercial when he is around and my poor DH also only gets his fix late at night. I can sometimes squeeze in an early morning news shows, but when DS goes to bed, so do I. I've never even seen "Desperate Housewives"!
In addition to the fact that too much tv is not good for any child's development, for Eric we find it just feeds the ASD thing. For him, it gives him new echolalia ideas and he can become obsessive. We used to have some Teletubbies videos that had to "mysteriously" disapper because he was so obsessed with them and it was hindering his language development. I hated to do it because he loved them so, but now that they are gone, he doesn't miss them. Although ever once in a awhile if he sees a tubbies toy in a store or something, I get a hint of the longing! They did reinforce a couple of good things for him though, like "big hug" and "bye bye."
My parents in law have a thing about watching the national news at 6:30 every night. When they come to our house, they cannot understand why I won't let them. I try to explain that you never know what is going to pop up on the news and even if it seems to them that Eric is not paying attention or that it is going over his head, it is not. Under the occassional aloofness, he is so, so sensitive.
I know it will get harder as he gets older. Right now he is not aware of what is "cool" or not. He does gravitate to older kids, his older cousins, though and wants to be like them--if he can figure out how. But we are really going to try to stick to tight control of TV.
I can tell computer control is going to be hard too. Right now we stay with the games tied to the PBS or Noggin shows. Have not purchased anything, just online stuff. I can tell he has a knack for the computer, not surprising. He does this mostly with Dad too. I don't trust him alone yet.
We need to explore family friendly movies too. I think he'd be freaked by noise and crowds in a theater. I'm not sure he'd have the attention span for a 2 hr. show yet.
Katherine
i would like to start off by saying that for the most part i do agree with you. i have a 2 and 3 yr old who only watch noggin and pbs. i think your main point is not exposing them to poor choice on the tele. but, being a SAHM as most of you are or have been , there are times i think i would take the bridge if i couldn't have a few minutes to use the bathroom or chill out. therefore, i do not have a problem leaving on elmo so i can have a break.
i know in the olden days they didn't have tv. but i make a point of playing and interacting constantly through out the day with the boys, in addition to all the therapy they get. so, even if they watch a total of 2 hours throughout the day, i for one won't feel badly about it.
valerie
Thank you thank you for the cleanfilms site. That is awesome. We usually preview all movies for content but there are plenty the kids can't see because of stuff like that, that would otherwise be a great movie. I also have to tell another friend about this.
As for limiting, I agree with you guys for the most part. On the one hand, kids shouldn't be allowed to watch whatever, whenever they want. However, moderation is key as well and in some things you have to pick your battles. I watch tv shows with them the first few times to decide what is appropriate. Now my kids aren't allowed to watch Yu-GI-oH because once I watched and it talked about soul stealing. Absolutely not in my house. But haven't found anything really wrong with pokemon, spongebob and some of those. However, Catdog and most nickolodeans other shows are off limits. Mike has been known to watch power rangers on rare occasions. He just discovered it a couple weeks ago actually and I the jury is still out on whether it will be allowed or not.
Now that being said, during school days the kids are typically allowed to watch about 30-45 minutes of TV. Dave gets a bit more since he is only in school 1/2 days. There is more on weekends but usually limited to a couple hours at most.
Renee
We monitor tv here too. It is hard because I am a SAHM and my dh works a lot, so it is just me and the kids for many hours at a time. But, I've always read about how tv is not good for ASD. It is much easier to limit tv when Aaron is in preschool. He gets up, gets ready, and is straight out the door till noon. And then there is lunch and nap. But when there is not school we end up watching more. I do stick with a two-hour limit, and less when I can manage it. Aaron is not very interested in toys, so we spend our time painting, doing preschool workbooks, swing and sandbox outside. We just got him Jumpstart preschool computer game which he likes. He does not stick with any activity very long so there times when I do have to give up and let him watch. PBS kids is my favorite. He is allowed a little Disney and Nick, but no cartoon network. Every night at bed he is allowed to watch Baby Einstein. Recently he has been quoting the Time Warner Cable commercial, so I guess I am going to have to monitor more closely.
Amanda
I LOVE cleanfims.com! I have been using it for a year and I can finally show my children films that were off-limits in our house. The ratings mean nothing as most PG movie have many swearwords! These are words I would never teach my children on purpose. I have to be so careful about what Joel hears because he will repeat it. Also we got rid of secondary channels like Nickolodeon and Disney! Joel was repeating not only the words but also the behavior and attitudes of the rude characters. This was before we got his diagnosis so we didn't realize he was more suseptable than typical kids.
You have to be so careful about what your kids see. So many things are better than when we were kids - but so many things are worse!
Paula