Need Advice for 3 yr old

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2001
Need Advice for 3 yr old
7
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 1:00pm
My 3 yr old son has been dx as AS.

 


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Avatar for cathby
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 1:18pm

Hi Tina,

I empathize! I know your question well. I have a just-turned-4 year old DS who is PDD-NOS (I also have a 7-year old DD and a 17-month old DD).

At times, when I try and get DS to socialize, it's really futile.

I would say if you're just spending time trying to get him out of peoples' garages, and your DD is in the stroller, than *no one* is benefiting. Perhaps you could try him somewhere contained, like a fenced play area or the library -- then DD could enjoy herself too. I've also been known to take DS to the play area in the mall on a lousy day.

Hang in there. I'm told that the social stuff is among the last to "come around."

Best,
Cathy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 1:21pm

hi there, i also have a 2 and 3 yr old with autism.

on this subject, you are bound to get a lot of different opinions, and i can only offer mine. i don't think you are hurting him by trying to get him to interact, i know how hard it is with another little one. but here are some ideas...

can you invite one of the other children over to your house for a playdate? it is better to start with a small number of children for interactions.

is there a teenager in the neighborhood who could help you so that you can spend time with both children a little easier?

is your son getting therapy at home? what type? do you do any therapy with him yourself? you might consider reading the child with special needs by dr's greenspan and wieder. it's about using a floortime concept which is all about helping a child with social skills IMO.

good luck, valerie

~Valerie
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 1:37pm

Tina,

I agree with Cathy and Valerie. My son is 6yrs old, and what worked for us, are smaller groups of kids. I used to take him to storytime at Barnes and Nobles. They were really great, because it was real informal. The kids would talk, cry, walk around (they even have a Thomas the Train table set up!). It made it easier to watch him, and to help with his interaction. I found playdates not too helpful, because he would never play with the other child....only if his older brother helped to initiate. But even then, Nathan would be off on his own doing his own thing, while his brother played with the other child.

We also have an indoor playground here, twice a week, at a local gymnastics building. I met lots of other moms there, and it helped Nathan with all his jumping and running that he loves to do! He loves being around other children, he just needs help interacting.

He's older now, and I'm having difficulty finding interaction for him this summer. He's in ESY (extended school year), so he's around other autistic children twice a week. But ESY is done at the end of July, so I'll have to find other ways to get him out!!!

Best of luck, I hope we were able to give you some ideas!

Michelle

Avatar for deerhart
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 1:41pm

I have to agree that starting with a single child may be the easiest route (it always has been for us). We have also found that interactions with an older child are better then with one closer to his age (it could possibly be that the older child is more understanding then one his age, a bit more patient, and more willing to go along and let him lead more, the older child is also a great model)

On the flip side, once his younger sister gets a bit older, you will have an in house 24/7 child to interact with. My oldest is now 5 and has a 2.5 yo brother and the interaction between the 2 of them really picked up significnatly when the youngest turned 20 months of age (though they are both boys and love to play together)

Avatar for googolplex
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 5:56pm

I also agree that playing with a single other child might work better. I've found that pre-existing groups of kids are just impossible to deal with. I've got my own horror story about that, but I'll save that for another time.

When my 7 year old AS son was a baby, we used to go to the park every day. We got lucky and met some people who became good friends. For the first 2.5 years of his life, he had a daily playmate. In fact, we used make comments like, "Who says little kids just do parallel play? Look at our two! They are telling each other jokes and playing together!" Well, it turns out his friend is a pretty quirky kid himself, with autism in the family. He never had a friend like that since, and has always been ill-at-ease around groups of children. In fact, at age 3 he began to refuse to go to the park because groups of daycare kids would come and do things like push each other and climb UP the slide. He couldn't handle it.

I tried the park thing with my younger son (now 3.5) but it wasn't the same. My friend and I sometimes meet at our local mall (which is a small, outdoors kind of mall) and let the little ones kind of run around in a kind of open area while we talk. My problem with playdates is that *I* am kind of introverted, and I don't want to have to hang out with a grown-up that I don't feel comfortable with. We invited one of David's classmates over last year, and I enjoyed talking to her mom for a while, but she kind of started getting on my nerves after a while. LOL! And I don't want to babysit someone else's kid, just like I wouldn't want someone I don't know well to babysit mine.

Well, there I go, waffling on again. If you can manage it, though, I bet one-on-one time in a more enclosed, controlled environment would work better.

Good luck.

Evelyn,
David 7, Nathan 3.5

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 1:58am
I have a 3 yo with AS also and we have the same issues. We've found what works best is taking him to organized play sessions, e.g., Kindermusik, gymnastics classes, library storytelling, anything that is structured. We always stay with him, but hope he'll eventually be able to do it alone. Once he learns the routine, he's one of the very best kids in the group as far as participating in the activities. Anything with structured activities is good, e.g., circle time, music time, fingerplay time, story time, etc. He doesn't do well in free play situations- just goes off on his own and completely ignores the other kids, so that doesn't really help him. We still take him to playgrounds as well, at least for the exercise and just to get used to being around other kids.
I agree with the other posts about playing with 1-2 kids at a time. I've also found it tends to work better if the other child is older.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 9:07am

Unstructured, large group play activities tend not to work well for kids on the spectrum especially younger kids.

Pat

Happiness is a conscious choice, not an automatic response. --