7 yr old DS has Aspergers, now what?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2005
7 yr old DS has Aspergers, now what?
6
Sat, 09-24-2005 - 9:31am

Our 7 yr old DS (we have 4 kiddos) has been "officially" diagnosed with AS. We always suspected some form of autism, and he has had the label of PDD/NOS since he was 3 1/2.

I worry so much about him. He is in regular classes, in the 2nd grade. But, it breaks my heart to know the other kids say he's "strange" or "weird". He's the last kid picked for any sort of organized games in PE, and during recess it sounds like he just wanders around talking to himself. He is currently obsessed with Pokemon. Before that it was Yugioh, Rescue Heroes, and Thomas the Tank Engine. He can only seem to relate to kids when talking about his current obsession.

I know he wants to have friends, and wants to be accepted, but he just doesn't know how to interact with kids. We tried sports, and that was a nightmare. He just gets excitable and is all over the place and can't figure out what to do, making him more obviously different. He wants to play with the kids in the neighborhood, but I can tell they more tolerate him than anything, and don't come asking for him to play. They ask for our 9 yr old daughter to come out all the time.

Anyway, we try our best to teach him appropriate ways to interact, and try to encourage it, but it is not something that is natural to him. He'd rather play by himself, mumbling about pokemon, sits in a squatting position, with his head burried into the back of the sofa.

Will he ever have good friends? Is he destined to be a loner, and alone? I worry so much about his future. And he's an easy target to get teased since he is so dang gulable and easy to get upset.

He is on concerta for ADD, and that helps tremendously with school. But how do we teach him to be social in an acceptable manner? It's so hard because he seems like your average kid, until he starts to act quirky, or throws a tantrum, then we get the looks. You know, the kind that say, "you're kid is a wus" or "can't you control him?".

Any ideas? Words of advice? Personal experiences?

Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Sat, 09-24-2005 - 10:48am

Hello and welcome to the board.

Peter is 7, in 2nd grade and obsessed with Pokemon and Neopets (and it looks like bionicles are starting to sneak in).

He has been receiving services since 27 mos and is currently in a self contained special ed class in his home school.

My thought reading your post are "is he gettign any help in school at all?" At VERY least, he shoudl be receiving social skills training or group. It is not OK to place an AS kid in a regular class without any support and expect him to just "swim".

Also, I am going out a bit on a limb here, but doe she have problems with self-regulation? I am thinking an OT eval and possibly a program like "how does your engine run" may help him.

Socuial stories may help public behaviour and social interaction. Somebody on this board has a good social stories link.

One thing which helped Peter to relate to 'regular' kids was his gameboy. He has every pokemon game known to man, and quite a few other games as well, Gameboy and gamecube gave him an acceptable forum in which to obsess (LOL whatever works), and is commonly thought of as 'cool'.

We were lucky with sports. DH is a soccer nut and trained soccer coach. We tried sports with a coach who wasn't DH and one season worked (very nice lady coach) another was a disaster (aggressive male coach). Peter does best in goal, where the action comes from one direction, and he can watch most of the action, as opposed to being overwhelmed by it.

More individual sports you may want to try which are great for strength and co-ordination are swimming, gymnastics or karate.

As for the looks, I recommend you develop your own version of the hard "what are YOU looking at?" stare, or build up your retort repotoire. I used to apologise to the world because my son was different, and then I got sense.

HTH and good luck.

-Paula

-Paula

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2005
Sat, 09-24-2005 - 7:45pm

My son is also 7 and AS. He is in a mainstreamed classroom but the teachers make lots of accomodations for him and he has help with transitions. He does the exact same thing on the playground. Walks up and down reciting movies or calling the kickball game like an umpire and looking like a total nut. At first I was very taken aback when I saw it but like Paula said, you will learn to just not worry about what other people think. Chase no longer goes to PE for the reasons you mentioned but stays behind in the classroom with his teacher and reads or plays on the computer. He gets OT for sensory problems and fine motor skills and I was lucky enough to find a social skills class for him nearby and it's covered by insurance.

It's hard to predict how each child will turn out but the first thing you need to do is meet him where he is now and get him the help he needs. I've read that IQ can predict somewhat how a child will do as an adult but not sure how scientific that study was. He needs to feel accepted, loved and supported. The principal at his school asked me did I think there might be a cure for Chase one day and I looked her in the eyes and told her I really don't think I would change him. He has a unique way of looking at things that aren't ordinary and he's just special in so many ways. The women here are so informed and intelligent and give lots of great advice. Good Luck, Vicky

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-24-2005 - 10:55pm

Hey there,

It is hard to predict with each kid but one thing I have learned is to never underestimate.

My dd was diagnosed delayed at 3, PDD-NOS at 4 and AS at 7 (alot like your son). She has had many of the same trouble you mention.

She is now 11 and as far as friends, I have to say that is finally happening, BUT it is other spectrum kids. She was in therapy this past year with another girl like her and they are great buddies and have so much fun together. Cait spent the day at her house today.

Also, in school her bestest buddy in the whole world is another boy with AS that is in all her classes. They call each other on the phone. She lights up when seh talks about him. They eat lunch together and really are best friends. It is an amazing thing. No matter how much other parts of her school experience bother me right now, this friendship is worth the world.

We are starting to work on my 9yo son to. He is going to have play dates with the therapist and another boy in a similar fashion. The school is working to help him develop some relationships there as well. Sometimes it is just a matter of finding someone they can relate too. usually it is another kiddo like them. Mike does have one buddy he sees once in a while. They both LOVE video games and are ASD. These boys can wander the edge of the playground for 2 hours deep in discussion over Sly Cooper.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2005
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 8:23am

Ladies, thanks for your messages.

I am at a loss. His school said that since he is meeting grade level expectations, they are not obligated to offer any sort of "social" services. They tried to get me to sign off his IEP rights, but I refused to. So, he has an IEP, but no services attached to it. So, basically, no help at all. It is heartbreaking to me. But, what can I force them to do, if he is making grade level expectations?

How do I find out about support groups, or these classes for him that some of you mentioned? I don't even know how to do that.

We are totally going this alone, as we have no idea where to turn.

Any and all suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks so much!

Ali

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 1:28pm

Ali,

Grrrr. The "he's making grade, so we'll sit on our hands" argument always infuriates me.

Start monitoring his progress vety closely and on paper as much as you can. Watch closely for ANY kind of slip or decline in any area of school function. keep this record in case you need it.

you need someone who knows the local 'lay of the land' as it were, so see if you can find an advocy group nearby.

Places to find help or support locally: Community centers. Our local JCC has loads of support for special needs stuff. we're not Jewish but we joined right up (there's a pool and a gymn too!).

If there is a decent-sized children's hospital nearby, you can probably call them to get pointed in the right direction.

Check out the ASA (Autism Society of America) or CHADD (ADHD support group) -these people are used to fighting for their kids rights- for local chapters.

If you have a special (pre)school nearby, see if there is anyone there who can point you in the right direction. I know one of the SpEd preschools near here hold seminars on advocacy and have a support group you can join It's just a matter of getting on their mailing list, and a small donation usually does the trick there ;).

Check out idealist.org and see if there are any related non-profit orgs in your region. I am sure there are, it's just a question of knowing where to look.

HTH and aood luck
-Paula

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2005
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 8:22am

Paula,

I'm with you on the "grade-level" thing. Chase reads at a college level, does that mean he should be in college...NO!!! It's a social thing and our kids need help learning the language of interaction. They need help transitioning and finding their place in the world. Okay, now I'm upset too. I wish I could offer you some advice as to where to turn like Paula did but I'm still learning a lot of these things myself. I would just say that what I've learned from this group is that being kind and nice is great but sometimes you've got to stand you're ground with the schools and be direct with them. Having some problems with school right now myself and trying to do that dance between not ticking them off but getting what Chase needs. Vicky