my 2yo dd kicked out of daycare for PDD
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| Thu, 09-29-2005 - 9:37am |
Hi everyone, I am new to the board & have been reading all the posts & love how supportive everyone is of each other. I started lurking around here about a month ago when my poor girl was kicked out of a daycare she was in for a few weeks because they said she has developmental problems & they could not handle her.
They wrote a letter stating how she does not make eye contact, cannot follow simple directions, has long crying bouts followed by excessive laughter, cannot focus, does not respond to her name, flaps her arms when excited, prefers to play be herself, eats crayons /does not play correctly with toys, & told us to get an evaluation. When we did, they would not give an official diagnosis (told me to see a neurologist) but I get the feeling they tried to tell me it was PDD - NOS.
It is really, really heartbreaking to find out that something is wrong with your daughter & that she'll need special therapy & to attend special education classes in school. It hit us like a ton of bricks, I had no idea. Sitters always had trouble with her & stuff but I had always thought she was just a bit "wild" and independent (supposedly I was very much myself as a toddler) - & since she is big for her age (40 lbs, 40 inches at 2 yrs 6 months) I figured that made it more difficult to control her & people expected more from her because she looks like a 5yo. I have an 8 yo son as well & never had any problems like this, and me & my husband don't have any history of it or anything (but then again back then they wouldn't have realized it.)
You go through this whole blame thing - is it me is it him what did I do wrong did I let her watch too much TV was I also PDD or autistic as a kid & no one realized it did I not interact with her enough did I do something while I was pregnant & so on...for weeks I cried & thought about nothing else, I have finally accepted it but I am still angry at the daycare even though they probably did me a favor in the long run because the early intervention will help. Still when your kid is kicked out of a school it really hurts, because you feel your baby is being rejected.
So anyway now we are going to start having therapists come in & work with her - the EI people have been great. I transferred her to another daycare & am petrified they are going to kick her out next. Unfortunately I have to work 4 long days a week, I'd like to quit but there is no way we could afford it.
So that is my story - I am so glad to finally "join" the group instead of lurking - please be patient with my responses they don't let me post at work but I'll definitely be reading & very grateful for any feedback.

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Hi and welcome! You of course realize that you do not yet know if your daughter will have a spectrum diagnosis, but that does not matter here. All are welcome!!! Your daughter's difficulties could come from other reasons besides being on the spectrum, and you will be finding out loads and loads about what makes your daughter tick and how to help her now that your investigation has begun.
I'm sorry this has happened, especially the "kicking out" part. Gotta say, from where I sit, writing a LETTER seems awfully cold and cruel, having you in for a meeting would have oh, so much more humane, Ouch. I hope the new day care is run by people with more of a heart. And if they are kind, she may not have as much trouble there, even with current obstacles.
Good for you for getting EI services right away. Is there a therapeutic nursery available, maybe you can also get funded placement through EI there? That would not take care of her for an entire workday, but perhaps hiring a kind sitter for the other hours would be more cost effective and desirable for her care and education than day cares where she is not understood and the environment could be too overwhelming... Just an idea. Lots of kids, noise, bright lights, color and caretakers who are not patient doesn't make for a happy child, if there are sensory issues, etc.
My son (age 8, PDD-NOS)went into a therapeutic nursery at 3, and we saw overnight changes for the better. He hadn't been in a bad situation before that, we had had sitters who often had several kids, lots of fun and he had been well with them. He learned alot about how to be with other kids and have friends right from the get-go at therapeutic nursery, and we have him now in a lovely school for ASD kids where he is more than a few years ahead of grade level, improving in all areas of life constantly and happy as a clam! Should your daughter get a spectrum dx, her future is not necessarily awful.
Anyways, a more thorough evaluation (your eval was done by EI? not qualified to really dx) could also be a good idea, but most of us here would recommend a neuropsych or developmental pediatrician, who should have extensive experience diagnosing Autistic Spectrum Disorders. There is no replacing experience here, really, and a neurologist will only rule out physical problems such as seizures. You may find you ALSO want to see a neurologist later, but I would go the other route first.
Anyways, post when you can, and let us know how things are going. Good luck to you and your family.
yours,
Sara
ilovemalcolm
My dd was kicked out of daycare at almost 3 as well. We were just starting the process of looking into what was going on with her at the time. Same reasons, the daycare lady just didn't think she could handle Cait's needs. It really hurt because of the reasons you said and becuase this was my nextdoor neighbor and a friend.
However, on the bright side, in hindsight it was a good thing. I am glad after the fact that Jane was able to say those things to me and accept her limitations. We found the kids a wonderful daycare. Actually, it was the woman who had watched me when I was little. She was still close to my family and my kids grew up calling her "memere" which is french for grandma. She also had raised 7 kids of her own and numerous foster children, many wiht special needs. When Mike reached that age he was far tougher in daycare then Cait had been but this lady was fantastic and took it all in stride and worked with me on how to help him.
I have been able to stay home for the last 6 years (since Cait was 5) and it is the best ever. I am glad I was able to.
I hope you all do find a nice supportive daycare as well as get good services for your dd. Hopefully EI may have some referrals for you for good daycare providers for SN kids.
Renee
Oh I have so BTDT!
My son was kicked out of two daycares in two weeks.
It was a bit of a shock, and the thing which shook me out of my denial.
From experience, I can say that a daycare run from a lovign family home suited my boy MUCH better than one of the big daycare centers.
It was smaller, quieter, less institutional and more loving. He started to calm down within two weeks of finding the right placememt
For the record: Now he is seven and a very sweet loving boy.
I hope this helps.
-Paula
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Hi,
Welcome. Glad you de-lurked.
I feel your pain and I'm sorry. I remember it well. Sometimes (and I'm 1.5 years into this) it still hurts like heck.
Anyway, their method of a letter might have been not so great, but they did you a favor. My DS Jack was that age and in a pre-school and things weren't going well but they didn't figure it out. They told me that he was "a normal 2-year old" and that kept me steady for a while that I could have been getting him earlier help. So try not to let it bug you, OK?
I'm glad you like your EI people. That's a relief.
I look forward to hearing more about your DD and your family!
Cathy
Hi and welcome.
While we haven't experienced getting kicked out of daycare, I have had the situation where I stated his special needs upfront and was told that they couldn't handle any special needs kids.
But as the others have said, it's a blessing in disguise when you then find the perfect daycare which WILL cater for your child happily.
It's the same when starting school. If, when the time comes, you want to mainstream your DD, it can take quite a few interviews before you find the 'right' school. For the record, my 8yo DS (dx autism) is in a mainstream classroom with the most wonderful aide that has ever lived. Meanwhile, the school principal is passionate about inclusion - so the kids all give him friendship and support
Thanks so much for the advice - I am going to seek out a developmental pediatrician rather than go straight to a neurologist. EI told me I don't have to, that it won't change anything that they plan on doing with her, but I would feel better if I had a more official diagnosis. In the old daycare's defense the manager did have meetings with me, weekly actually - basically trying to get me to switch her out as soon as possible - it seemed that the teachers were complaining quite a bit.
Where she is now it is so strange - they seem to love her there. No problems at all - I asked EI about a therapeutic daycare center but they did not know anything about one in our area. Once she hits 3 she will have special schooling through the public school system - and in between she will be getting about 5 hrs. per week of therapy so I think that will help.
I am happy to hear your son is doing well! Can I ask you what type of symptoms he displayed & what makes him different, I mean how you can tell he's PDD-NOS? At the school do they put all the kids together, I mean do they put a child with autism with a child with cerebral palsy or that is mentally retarded? Or do they group the PDD kids together, the kids with autism together, etc.?
Thanks for your response!
That's the problem. Our kids do not adapt. That is what the dx is about. They have deficits where they can't just pick up social cues from their surroundings. Honestly, if they could they would! Don't we all wish it were different for them, how much easier our lives would all be!
sigh,
Sara
It really wouldn't be fair to let our kids "coast". The brain is most able to rewire it's paths during the first few years of life. Waiting to only find out later that therapy is still needed would greatly hinder progress. Yes, EI therapists in home can be a great inconvenience to parents. However, if you set your program up right, you can make it so the kids think that all these people are coming over to play all the time. That is the one thing I have insisted on from the beginning. Take advantage of all the services you can. Therapy can not be harmful, only helpful.
Valerie
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