Worried about upcoming ped appt.
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| Sat, 10-01-2005 - 9:35pm |
Hi, can anyone put up with another one of my too-long posts? *blush*
I’m feeling a bit nervous about our upcoming appointment. I’m having such a hard time organizing my thoughts and concerns about Nathan (4), and putting it into words.
I wrote a few weeks ago about Nathan being kicked out of his preschool class. We’re trying a new one on Tuesday. We’ve met the teachers and seen the classroom, but he’s still terrified. I don’t think it’s separation anxiety; he does fine with a babysitter. I suspect it’s more like a social phobia or something. He has always been pretty negative about situations where there are many people, or even just one stranger. Now that he’s had a taste of preschool, he seems more scared than ever of other kids. When other kids try to talk to him, he gets angry. We’ve tried the typical toddler/preschooler activities, like library story-time, sing-a-longs, toddler tumbling classes, and he just hated all of that. He would do nothing but take me by the hand and pull me out. Now, Nathan is 4, and too old for any of the parent-included things.
I have one friend with a kid (kids: 3.5 and 7), and we’ve gotten together for play dates about once a month, since the kids were born. His time with her is his only playtime with another kid his age...and we don't know anyone else.
So there is the social stuff. But also there are his food issues. The doctor advised us on some ways to get him to try some new, healthier foods, and it just hasn’t worked. I have to admit that it is simply too hard for us to do. I can’t explain why. There was a huge thread on this board about dealing with picky eaters, but Nathan is in a different category.
I suspect there are sensory issues, because he can’t tolerate having a toothbrush in his mouth, either (we do the best we can). I also suspect that some of his emotional problems might have something to do with being malnourished. There are entire food groups that he is just unwilling to try. He also won’t eat chewable vitamins. You can’t hide anything in his food, because he’s so sensitive to taste and texture.
There is also his lack of interest in the world. He won’t go for walks, play new games, go to new places. He won’t play out front in our neighborhood common area. It's not so much a lack of interest as a hostility. I think it's fear, but it's so hard to tell.
Often, he seems downright hostile at home. If he’s feeling bummed out for whatever reason, he’ll wreck his brother’s Lego creation, or insult people.
I wonder how much of this is because his earliest years were spent in the midst of his brother’s undiagnosed, untreated mood disorder. That certainly was a difficult time, and sometimes I suspect that it damaged Nathan somehow. Anyone with experience with childhood-onset bipolar will have some idea of where I’m coming from. I also wonder how much of his problems come from the fact that I myself am no social butterfly.
I suppose this post isn’t entirely fair. Underneath it all, Nathan is so cool. He's intelligent and a great talker, so that's not an issue (I just heard him say, happily, "Hey! Trailer and Truck alliterate!"). He’s got a clever wit and is very funny when he’s in a good mood. But there seems to be so much holding him back, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t think he is on the autistic spectrum. The social anxiety, or whatever it is, seems different than autism. It's not like typical shyness, either. Like, he hates having to pick up David from school each day because of all the kids, and he always says things like, "They should lock all the doors so the kids can't ever come out! ONLY David should come out and he should NEVER go back to school."
If you got this far, thanks...I'm impressed. LOL! It's just all so complicated. I wonder how I'll tell all this to the ped. I'm concerned about all this and more.
Evelyn
Nathan 25 AUG 01
David 20 NOV 97

Dear Evelyn,
(((((((HUGS))))))) and wow, what a tough time. I have the advantage of knowing so many of the kids Malcolm goes to school with, all high-functioning autistics of all different sorts, and I am not clear why you think this form of serious social anxiety cannot be spectrum. It sure could be. I have seen every sort of different reactions to sensory overload, and what you are describing doesn't sound so far off the map from a few kids I have observed. Some of the kids are downright rude and antisocial, almost like little grownups, and so disconnected from other kids. Maybe because he is so different from your older son, is this why you don't think so?
And great talking doesn't mean great comprehension of things going on around him. Malcolm was faking his comprehension of the world around him, almost didn't get "caught" because he was such a good little actor,and observant of what to do, even if he didn't really understand social cues. He was a good guesser.
I don't think Nathan's current problems are coming from you and from observing your other son's difficulties, although those things might contribute. His difficulties sound like larger than "rub-off".
My brother-in-law was raised by a woman, his mother, who was medically certifiable (Documented), in and out of institutions, on and off medication, a complete social misfit and pariah (amazing nutcase stories, sad, sad, sad). And he is really doing well, raising 2 lovely children, just finishing residency and soon a doctor. I've known him for years, wonder how he managed, but somehow he did! Anyways, the dx comes when our kids CAN'T muddle by the way we all did, somehow, often barely...
And of course, your Nathan IS the coolest. Both your sons are. And so are you. I am glad you are seeing someone soon to look further into what is going on, and I am crossing my fingers for you and sending you big well wishes. Let us know how things are going.
yours,
Sara
ilovemalcolm
Sara,
Thank you for your kind and supportive words. I have a feeling we'll be talking to our developmental pediatrian about him pretty soon, but we're starting with the regular ped. I don't know other ASD people, and I admit, I'm mostly comparing him to his brother. When I look at the AS diagnostic criteria, it's a stretch for me to make Nathan fit that...but it is also a stretch for me to make David fit it, and yet the developmental pediatrician was quite confident that he has Asperger's. I remember that I expected her to say, "Almost Asperger's but not quite", but she said, no, that's "definately Asperger's" But David used to spin wheels and flap his hands, and spin round and round when he was little. I thought it was cute and quirky, but nothing more. Nathan never did any of that. I guess we need a good, thorough evaluation.
Evelyn
(((((Evelyn))))))
>> I guess we need a good, thorough evaluation. <<
ITA. I was in a situation where my first DS has pretty significant issues. We looked at DD -2 years younger, and compared to DS, she was light years ahead in almost every aspect! However, the daycare people mentioned some concerns, and finally, I started to see them too.
Turns out she is probably Sprectum, too, but in a different place, and with different issues. It was difficult for us -particularly DH- to *comprehend*. Comparatively (to Petrer), she was so *related*, so calm, so verbal, so tactile and loving.
Yes. compared to Peter, she *was*. Not apparently, when compared to the popluation at large... :(
I though some of it may be learned behaviour -from her brother/bad rol model, etc etc. Then I would watch her attempt to apply a learned behaviour -like a big old tantrum, and it was so transparently false (LOL).
It took me ages to accept that she did have issues and then to see that just because her issues were not as severe as Peter's, it did not mean that they weren't equally valid and that I owed it to her to fight with every breath to get the very best in services and support for her, and to therefore ensure she has the very best chance in life.
(HUGS)
This is a difficult place. Good luck and please let us know how it goes.
-Paula
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Evelyn,
Good luck with your appt. And just so you know, my Nathan didn't flap his hands either. Actually, Nathan didn't really spin, only sometimes but not enough to raise any flags. And he wasn't that obsessed with wheels, he liked them, but again not enough to raise suspicion. He liked trains and monster trucks, but heck....he's a boy!!!
I wasn't expecting an autistic dx. I thought he might have tendencies and possibly get a PDD dx or something. The autism spectrum is so confusing at times. Best of luck though. Let us know what the dr says.
Michelle