Behavior issues
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| Mon, 10-03-2005 - 1:01pm |
Ok, so this is the bad side. I have questions and looking for ideas. Cait may have friends but her behavior is horrific lately in many ways. Much more rigid, impulsive, oppositional, etc.
One big issue is the bus. This morning again she flat out refused to get on. Well she is bigger now and physically forcing her on is not an option. The bus driver can't wait forever, so again Cait got her way and I drove her in. The cost of gas is outragious. Driving her across town is doable but a pain. I have to spend 45 minutes with all the kids in the car driving her there, come home for 10 minutes, then bring the other kids to school. Threw thier whole routine and the boys had a hard time sitting in that school drive waiting for our turn for drop off.
So trying to figure out what to do. If I drive her everyday it will take away this battle for her in the AM. Likely reduce her stress which has been a huge problem, but she gets her way from being a poo head. Plus it will cost me an extra $30 a week in gas and it doesn't start the day out well for the other kids. However, on the other hand if I don't she could easily just refuse to get on the bus for one issue or another and I drive her anyway. It is usually over not having her shoes on right or the bus is 2 mintues early but this morning it was over nothing. She does this about 1 time a week or so.
We are getting beyond the homework problems and she is getting a bit better on rude remarks, screaming, refusals and meltdowns (because mom got mean and she looses all privedges on the 1st time for these now) but it isn't perfect. We are averaging about a meltdown or 2 per day and just not a fun kid to be with most of the time.
Part of the problem is puberty and being a girl with AS. Girls in puberty are witchy enough. Add AS to the mix for her and KABOOOOM! She hasn't been this rigid since she was 3 I swear.
Another part of the problem is stress and middle school and the 3rd part of the problem may be huge but something I have to work through. She was cheeking her meds and dumping them. Didn't want to take them anymore so instead of having her take them 1/2 the time I agreed to wean her off for the time being and try no meds. The neuro has agreed to let her go off seizure meds because she thinks we are ok now. She is one meds always did work for and I don't have her figured out by way of natural alternatives yet and half the time she dumps those too and sneaks sweets at school. It has been a few weeks since she was fully weaned and I think the SSRI is completely out of her system.
Any ideas. This girl is making me crazy. I am not ready to be the mom of a teenager with ASD. GRRRRRRRRRRR
Renee


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Dear Renee,
This is not from personal experience, but coming off the SSRI's may be contributing alot more than you're giving credit for here. Those are powerful drugs, and time-wise she is barely off them, but the cheeking, not-swallowing is also not an exact science the way she was going off them LOL. Could be messing with her emotionally big time. Am I also understanding that going off meds is going off more than one and all at the same time, anti-seizure plus SSRI? More?
Add in hormonal outrage, brand new school with WAY more challenges, not liking bus -- I bet she really doesn't like something about this bus or driver or kids or route, Malcolm's resistance always turns out to be about something real. Or it's the going to school part and she really just wants a little more time with you before she HAS to go in... Does she have a good friend ON the bus? Would she use a headset and good music for on the bus, that helps several of Malcolm's classmates. Poor baby, sounds like you are lucky she is as FUNCTIONAL as she is.
I would give the drug withdrawal at least a few more weeks before you are thinking it is really out of her system, if other parents I know's withdrawal stories are any indicator.
I know for a fact that I drove my own mother completely nuts with my behavior when I was this age!!! She's told me so many times.
Good luck to you both during this trying time.
Sara
Renee,
That sounds pretty fun. NOT. I sure know what it's like to have one kid who makes life hard on everyone because of refusing to cooperate.
I have a question, though. Was Cait on seizure meds because of tics or epilepsy or something? David takes an anti-seizure med (Trileptal), which is an anti-convulsant, meant to treat seizures...BUT it just so happens to work as a mood stabilizer, and that's why it is prescribed for him. Now, sorry for not being able to keep all this straight, because I know you post regularly...but could it be that the anti-seizure medication has been acting as a mood stabilizer, and removing it has made a difference in that area? Of course, I'm no doctor or anything, it's just a guess.
I'm really dreading the whole puberty thing, although it's not so rough for boys (I HOPE!)
There was one day when we forgot David's morning medication, and by noon he was having a total meltdown about the tiniest, most insignificant things...being downright mean to all of us, too. If he ever refuses to take it, we'll be in big trouble. In fact, despite all of our nutritional issues, we HAVE to have dessert every night because it's such an integral part of the medicine-taking routine. I have to crush it, mix it in a little plastic cup of mega-strong cherry Kool-Aid, and then let him chase it down with a bowl of ice cream or a few cookies. The things we do to keep our families safe and relatively sane! LOL!
Good luck. I'm sorry I can't offer any good advice. It sounds like a total pain.
Evelyn
Renee, HUGS!
Thanks for replies.
The meds were trileptal (for partial seizures) and Luvox. We weaned them seperately and slowly. But it does take a while for it all to get out of the system.
She hasn't had any "seizure symptoms' for a year but continues to have an abnormal EEG. The neuro had said we could wean of the trileptal if she didn't have any more seizure symptoms. She did the first time we weaned but not the second and so far so good.
Thanks for the reminder on SSRI's sarah. Actually, that was one of the reasons I wanted to dc the luvox now. I had read about the horrible withdrawal and even suicide in teens on it. I wanted to get it done while she was still young and emotionally nieve to go there. But I bet that is a big part of it.
As for the bus, it is a "short bus" and here they don't bus typical kids. She doesn't like if for a very typical kid reason. She doesn't want to be seen on the "special ed" bus and is actually worried about what the other kids will think. So this is a good thing. The kids don't and they get dropped on the side, but I am thinking of driving her though it is just a royal pain for me.
Renee
well, hugs girlie,
I don't have much to add to what the others have said already. This is kind of outside my relm of experience.
I do thnk that driving everyone over and knocking the rest of the crew out of whack sounds a bit extreme (and unfair -I know I know.. fair isn't everyone getting the same... etc etc ), but I guess a carpool is out of the question? Can DH drive her or take the kids while you do?
Sorry. I'm not much help.
-Paula
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
((((HUGS)))) and lots of cyber wine and chocolates. (just found Reece's mini peanutbutter cup baking pieces! way good but not necessarily for baking!)
I don't have much more to add except that it sounds as though Cait is acting pretty normally, pretty much all of her behavior is similar to my Amelia (my almost 12 yr old NT pubescent beauty/drama queen). But she doesn't have to deal w/ meds. Amelia has always been a dig-in-her-heels-and-be-nasty to mom kind of kid so this isn't much new, but she's now weepy, screaming and full of "it's not fair" all the time!
I don't know what to suggest about the bus/driving. I'd probably try to bribe her by telling her you'll drive her X days during the week if she'll ride the bus the other days so that Mike, Emily and David get a calm morning the others. Or better yet, get her to come up w/ a plan that she thinks will work out for everyone, and then discuss this plan w/ her and try to get her to understand at least some of the facets of why taking the bus is good for your family. Weston and I are still working through this-- but since I drove them to school today because Martha had a big project that was too big for a little girl to carry on the bus and get there in one piece--we may have moved back to square-one in the negotiations.
Betsy
hehehe, my quote got to ya.
Unfortunately DH can't drive her, he would be late for work even though he can drop her off around 7ish. Some days he can but if he has an 8:00 meeting or IEP (which he often does) he will be too late. Plus it is out of his way and will add lots in the way of traffic for him. I asked and it immediately added to his AM stress. Sometimes apples don't fall far, KWIM? He can't watch the kids either because he needs to leave for work usually before I leave to bring her.
The only one I could car pool with would need me to drive in the AM and she could do PM. But Cait will take the bus home no problem. Plus it is still touch and go with a carpool. If she is having a rough morning I would hate to have to explain it to other parents. This one knows about the AS and all but they really don't understand sometimes how pervasively it effects your life. If her routine in the AM isn't perfectly executed it will throw her whole darn day and she will flat out refuse to go in someone elses car and be separated from me in that situation.
I am thinking bribery. Ummm, I mean positive reinforcement, lol
Renee
Yup Yup, seems I will likely go with bribery. That and see about sending her with her CD player. I think I need to get her a spare and copied cd's though. This girl can't keep track of anything and things like CD's and CD players get stolen in middle school.
Renee
It sounds like several things are causing this behavior, Renee: low seratonin, hormones of puberty, sugars in her diet (according to your other notes), stress, and autism. Which of these can you control? Stress, sugar, and seratonin levels are the things you can control best.
At this point, it may be wise to start getting Cait on your side regarding the meds and diet issues because she is more and more in charge of her body these days. You will both have to make the decision to control sugar intake and restart the SSRI. Maybe a social story or two would help here.
I don't know how to control Cait's stress, except for the bus situation. Personally, I would start driving her, unless you think you can work out a reward program that will entice her to ride the bus and not melt down. I know the whole situation with her being a "poo head" makes this so hard, but sometimes I cave on these issues because they just make things easier for everyone. If her stress level is reduced by driving her to school, this may help in other areas with fewer meltdowns resulting. KWIM?
There may also be a "natural consequence" you could play up here, like "if I drive you to school, we can't do X after school because gas costs too much money." Of course, for this kind of thing to work, Cait would have to be capable of some pretty sophisticated reasoning. You will know if such a thing is worth trying.
That's all my ideas. Sorry, I can't be much help on this. I usually end up opting to reorganize our life a bit when such things bother Cassian. I ended up discontinuing his music therapy after the spring because he was throwing horrible tantrums in the car, but a few days ago, he asked about doing music again. At this point, we had a good discussion about why the lessons were stopped, and he said he would not tantrum anymore and that he would follow the teacher's directions. We are going to try music once a month for a semester now to see how it works. I was actually amazed that Cassian was able to comprehend the consequences of his actions on this one and sort of bargain with me. You know sometimes these issues are like one step forward and a few steps back, then a big leap ahead when you least expect it.
Good luck.
Suzi
I had a thought (don't worry. I'm OK):
If it is a total problem with the 'short bus" can she say it is a "private bus"?
I'm thinking of one of the kids who was in the orphanage with me. Her mom was overheard telling someone "My daughter is away at boarding school". (LMAO)
Spin, baby spin.
-Paula
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
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