Update on prayer request
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| Wed, 10-05-2005 - 11:30pm |
and it isn't off topic.
I started seeing my kids therapist today. After knowing the kids for over a year, and me and asking some questions about DH's relationships with the kids and other things, she had him pegged. She thinks he is AS, only he doesn't even know it yet. Naturally she can't formally diagnose but she hit the nail on the head on lots of things and brought up a ton of good points. I knew he had traits but don't we all. And I rationalized most of it.
The "I don't knows" on staying married isn't the usual "I don't knows" it is really he doesn't know how to communicate it or to fully understand his feelings. She has had a few men about this age who have managed or coped in one way or another then things start to fall apart for them and they get diagnosed.
UGH, I got it all day and all night. I dont want to sleep with autism TOO!!!!!
Now just to figure out how to tell him. I have another appointment next week. He has a therapist too, hopefully that guy will figure it out.
She was really great but I have alot of info to chew on this week.
Renee


I am in exactly the same boat as you. It's funny it wasn't until Jake was diagnosed and I learned so much about autism that it started to dawn on me that maybe my husband had some issues too. When we were dating one of the things I used to love about him was his bluntness(LOL)...Oh, how things change!He also is very anal and has some ocd type issues. He totally lacks empathy which is the one thing that I find hard to deal with. I can count how many times he has ever consoled me when I have been in tears, he just dosen't get it. He is also in counselling for issues that relate to his childhood, long story!!!His therapist hasn't seemed to have picked up any signs yet and I myself have considered telling him to discuss the possibility with his shrink. I managed to get him to take the test that Simon Baron Cohan designed for adults who are suspected of having an ASD. It's free and you can do it online. When my husband took the test he scored 32, most people who have an ASD score 33 and above. I never realised how difficult certain things were for him until he took the test and I saw his answers.
Teresa
Small little problem.
DH is an autism specialist and pretty darn good at it. Actually really good. But denial runs deep. Took him along time to accept his kids are ASD and they are pretty much right down the middle strike zone Aspies. He is now a huge advocate for them. but I think it is very likely he will have the same denial about himself. I know he does.
If somehow I convinced him to take that test he would know how to answer it to not score ASD. He'd know exactly what they were looking for and his own denial would cause him to rationalize it and not give exactly accurate answers.
One of the biggest problems that the therapist pointed out is the knack of blaming everyone else for his troubles. I guess this is classic adult AS. I know my kids do that because they cannot see thier part in it and how they affect others. This would automatically affect how he would score it.
If anyone should have an idea or clue that they have it, it should be him. LOL. I can't tell him she mentioned it because then he will just say, well she is affiliated with so and so and everyone knows so and so over diagnoses AS. He has to discover it himself with his therapist.
Scary thing is that he is withdrawing into himself and his own world and obsessions. And she pointed out if he doesn't work through this stuff and accept what is going on he could withdraw right away from us.
Renee
Sounds like you found a good therapist. :)
My DH came home from a volunteer board meeting the other night complaining about some guy and said "His Aspergers is worse than mine!" LOL My DH isn't Aspie, there are some people with really odd social traits in his family. When he suggests staying home and reading a book instead of inviting people over I tell him that he's the next one I'm having tested for autism.
Hang in there,
Cathy
Oh Renee, I am so sorry you're going through this. I don't have any sage wisdom for you, just hugs...and red wine.
My DH is on the spectrum (although not officially Dx'd) and by the grace of God he has accepted it. He works extremely hard to limit his true Aspie behaviors, but mainly because he wants our two children who are on the spectrum to model correct behaviors. He openly admits that he simply "doesn't like people" but has made great strides socially.
No doubt you're stuck between a terrible rock and a hard place. Here's hoping that when the dust settles, nothing but good comes out of it.
((((Hugs))))
Amy W.
Renee,
I've been wondering how you've been doing lately. My dh isn't anywhere near the spectrum, so I don't have any advice or anything. But just wanted to send some hugs your way, and let you know that I'm thinking of you.
Michelle
Renee,
I don't really know why I'm not surprised. I think one or two things you said recently gave me some inklings that this might be coming.
I am sorry, because I think I know how he will react to this news. You are right that it has to coem from his therapist, or that he somehow has to come to theis realization by a means not channeled through (or related to) you.
((((((hugs)))))))
You must be doing your nut!
-Paula
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
I wish Tony Attwood had a 911 line for such instances.