Homework made me cry
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| Thu, 10-06-2005 - 1:39pm |
Yesterday, I lost it. I haven't cried about Nathan for awhile now. Been too busy making sure everything goes well for 1st grade.
Schoolwork is now moving away from kindy review and into more 1st grade work. Doing ok with telling time so far, reading, spelling tests (1st test this week), sight words.....all seem to be going ok. But the math and money....he just not getting it. I can't get him to focus, he stims alot during homework time. I spend about an hour with him and I barely have time to help Tyler. It's not alot of homework, usually only 1 paper. But he's just making it impossible to do. I, of course, read to him and have him reading to me too, this we do everyday too. And sometimes I have him practice spelling (because he hates to write), or go over his sight words, clock, money, or anything else he needs works on. I don't do this extra stuff everyday, it really depends on his stress level for the day. And I only have him do "1" extra thing along with the reading and the 1 homework paper from school.
The amount of work doesn't seem to be the issue. But I spoke with his aide this morning, and she says he does FINE with numbers. She even said that she was impressed by how well he's doing in math. His teacher actually told me this too just a couple of days ago. The only thing I can think of is that by the time he gets home.....he just doesn't want to do "schoolwork" anymore. But along with the whining, he completely FORGETS how to do things that he's already doing at school. How does he do this? And why?
Dh said not to take it so personally. But I feel so responsible for teaching him EVERYTHING. And when he doesn't get it....I feel like it's my fault, like I'm not teaching to him correctly. I know that's ridiculous, but that's how it makes me feel. I feel like it's my job to make sure he knows how to do everything.
Anyway, his aide said that she is getting some things together to help him out in the money department, he doesn't seem to know what a nickel is or worth, etc......no matter how many times I go over it with him!!!! She's planning on taking him aside to work on these things with him. He seems to learn better at school. Maybe because in his mind, that's where he's supposed to do his schoolwork.(he has mentioned this little theory of his to me a couple of weeks ago) He didn't want ME giving him homework to do. So now when he has his homework paper from school....I emphasize how it's homework from HIS TEACHER.
Sorry this was so long. I was just so upset, and I guess still upset today. I don't understand why he won't let me know what he knows? Why he hides his knowledge and intelligence from me. I know he doesn't see it that way. I have to keep remembering that his brain is wired differently. He saw me crying too yesterday. I told him that I just had a bad day. He said....ohh, that's not good. Then, he put his arm around me and told me that it would be ok.
Michelle

Michelle,
I can totally relate to this. Chase is the same way about doing work at home. In fact, after trying to do school half day and homeschool the other half he melted down and told me he wanted home to be home and school to be school. So long as he is doing well at school I don't push drilling him at home anymore. When we study for spelling tests, which is seldom, I just drill him while he is playing so he doesn't have to write. Last year he was in 1st grade and only had ten words on spelling tests and we never studied. This year he has twenty and I only go over the more difficult ones.
When it comes to money I think a hands on approach is best. I pulled things out of the cupboard and put prices on them and then we played store right there in the kitchen. My daughter got invovled and they took turns being the cashier. They had no idea they were learning. Good luck and try not to stress. Vicky
Homework is hard on these kids Michelle. All kids, but ours work so hard during the day that by the time they get home they have little left. If he is doing ok in school then I would relax a little.
First, make an appointment with his teacher and go over how he is doing academically compared to the NT peers. Find any areas of need and focus your energy there.
next, ask her what is an appropriate amount of homework time for a child in her class (1st grade it is likely 20-30 minutes a night and that includes reading time).
Take the homework time and only work that long. Spend a little of the time on the rough spots and try to teach it in a way he enjoys and will learn.
Work out this modified homework with the teacher.
Really, what is the purpose of killing ASD kids with homework if they are getting the concepts. You are mom, there is lots of stuff for you to teach him they won't at school. Leave the academics for the most part to them. You support it from home, but homework really should be something he can complete independently or at least mostly independently perhaps with guidance and modifications at home. You shouldn't be trying to reteach concepts after he has already put in his learning time. His brain isn't ready for it anymore.
This is the same for all kids. Homework should be independent review with them able to ask questions for clarification. Their brains are not in a place to really learn at that point.
Stop beating yourself up. Homework is horribly frustrating sometimes.
BTW, Mike had extremely easy modified homework all last year. He still learned more and did better on his state testing than any year previous. He only had the homework to stay in the routine of it.
Renee
Wow, Michelle. I can offer some sympathy. And I'm glad to have an opportunity to do my own griping about homework. LOL!
We have homework issues too. Last year, in first grade, it was really tough, and eventually the teacher excused David from it. In his case, the problem was partly that it was just too easy, so she didn't think the homework was helping at all. But also, after a long day of school, he just wants to relax and do the one thing that he loves best, PLAY. Who can blame him? I mean, when are our little kids meant to play, if the have all this homework.
This year, David is more willing to sit and do the homework without ripping it up, but the only way I can get him to sit down and start is to offer him some kind of junky snack to eat while he's doing it. Talk about estabishing bad habits! LOL! (That's also the only way to get him to take his medicine.) It takes FOREVER, and I honestly don't see how it can be a good thing for him. He knew how to read and spell words like "late" when he was three, so I tell him to consider it handwriting practice when he's asked to write the words. Still, he insists on making his letters all "fancy" or writing in "cursive". It takes all day for him to write ten words.
The math is another story. They use this math workbook which I really don't like. The instructions in it are weird, and I can see how it confuses him. He's extremely intelligent, and I know he can do math, and do it well...but he gets caught up in the weird intructions. Like, yesterday, he had to fill out a chart in which he was supposed to "write the doubles sums yellow".
Mostly it's hard to provide him a space that is free of distractions. Ideally, he'd have a quiet little desk in the east wing of our mansion, far from the sounds of his little brother. Nathan is really eager to play, and even if he's keeping busy by himself while David does homework, David is hyper-aware of every move Nathan makes. If he hears the sound of bits of plastic clinking together, he jumps out of his seat, yelling, "NATHAN!! You aren't taking apart baby-Vader's mad science lab, ARE YOU?!?!" I spend ALL afternoon going, "David, come back and finish your homework." I'm sick of it, and I don't see how that's going to help him in school. What exactly DO they do at school if the kids still have to do more at home?
Oh, I've got to go pick up my Nathan at preschool. I can't be late; he's still having anxiety about it, and if I'm late that won't be good at all!
Evelyn (oh, and two hours later I come back and push "post"! LOL!)
Vicky,
That's amazing that Chase lets you drill him while he's playing!! Nathan doesn't like me even talking to him while he's playing. Sometimes I'm not even allowed to sit near him! LOL Playing time... he likes to do alone!
I like the playing store idea. Not sure if it will work with Nathan, everything is "work" for him. And I'm not kidding either!!! Maybe I'll try and work that in, if I recruit Tyler to play maybe Nathan will join. Ok....I'm probably dreaming here....but I might just try it. Thanks.
Michelle
Evelyn,
I have my boys doing homework at the same time....because Nathan will do the same as David. If he hears one little noise from Tyler, he immediately wants to know what Tyler is doing!!! He's afraid Tyler will take, damage, or play with one of his toys! If Tyler needs more help with his homework, I just make him wait, quietly....doing NOTHING. Because otherwise, Nathan will NOT do his homework. He would be obsessing and worrying about what Tyler is doing. If he can see Tyler just sitting there, then Nathan is fine. That's so funny that you have the same dilemma!! Of course, in my case, Nathan schoolwork isn't "easy" for him. I can't tell if his IQ is normal rage or higher. And I don't think his teachers know either! Alot of times it's hard to tell if he "gets it" or not. His teacher even told me this. Sometimes I wonder if he's just copying the other children. She has seen him look on the other kids papers too.
So, here I sit, not knowing if he's actually getting this stuff or not. He doesn't want to talk to me about it. And he's not answering my questions much anymore. I know he's stressed and tired. 1st grade has been a real challenge for him.
I just might go in and talk with his teacher, like Renee had suggested. Conferences aren't til next month. Maybe taking a peak at his math book at school might help. I can't tell much from his papers that he brings home. And maybe his teacher has some insight too.
Michelle
Michelle,
I have to be sneaky and a little creative to fit math drilling in while he's playing. I make up stories that interest him...'two ninjas are on a spaceship and five more get on at Saturn, how many ninjas.' That kind of stuff. With spelling I'm the student and try to spell the words(always wrong) and he corrects me. These kids are so smart it's hard to stay a step ahead of them though. I'll have to be more resourceful once he really catches on. Vicky
Michelle,
It sounds to me like he is having difficulty transferring skills learned in one environment into another (Ie he can do the math at school, but not at home). It is an Autie thing. I think it was Diane Willey Lane who wrote (paraphrasing) "If something happened in the kitchen during the day, I would not relate it to the same thing that had happened in the living room at night".
I suspect Nathan may be experiencing a similar issue. However, I don't know how to *fix* it. Maybe his teacher will have some ideas?
-Paula
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