Self control issues with his brother
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| Sun, 10-16-2005 - 2:54pm |
Nathan cannot leave Tyler alone!! It's driving Ty crazy! He has to be touching him all the time. Even if he walks by him, he has to touch him. Sometimes he will jump on Ty's back if he's laying down, or sometimes he just has to touch his face!! I know it's probably sensory related, but I've tried other things, and he JUST WANTS TO TOUCH TYLER!!! Now I'm wondering if it's just lack of impulse control and not sensory. He doesn't seem to be craving any kind of sensory type activity, even if I initiate something....he's not interested.
I've talked to him about this, and he knows that Tyler wants him to stop. He even apologizes after he touches him, and I mean he "frantically" apologizes!!! He so afraid that he's going to hurt Tyler's feelings.....but he won't stop.
This normally wouldn't be that big of an issue, but Tyler has been getting headaches lately. And I'm sure it has to do with this. He understands how Nathan can be at times, but I don't want Tyler having to deal with all of this stress either. Any advice??
Michelle

Michelle,
it sound like impulsive, maybe even compulsive behaviour. The franic apologizing leads me to believe it could be compulsive: i.e. that Nathan just can't help himself. He *has* to do it. This behaviour could have started as a sensory thing and then morphed, KWIM? but I don't think it can be treated as a sensory thing now. Is Tyler really the only person he does this to? How about you or DH? (thinking redirection here)
I don't have too many ideas about how to help with this one. The only think I can think of is to find something to keep his hands busy, so they are not free to bug Ty. You could potentially be switching one problem for another here, but that may be worth it to give Ty some peace.
Two possible solutions I can offer you for Nathan's hands:
1. Sensoy fidgets: kooshes, velvet worms, gooze, playdoh etc
2. A gameboy
Frankly, I doubt either of these will work. I have more faith in the gameboy, but that will only work while Nathan is actually playing it (if he gets into it, that is).
I honestly think you need professional help with this one. Is there a psych or an autism specialist in the school that you can talk to? They may have some ideas or suggestions.
GL and HTH
-Paula
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Paula,
Yeah, I've tried redirecting him. I've tried having him "bug" me or dh...but he only wants Tyler. He doesn't seem to like the fidget type toys. The only time he seems to stay away from Ty, is when he's quietly on the floor obsessing about his Star Wars figures. But when he's done doing that.....he's after Ty again!!! LOL
I'm thinking it's some kind of impulsiveness too...something he just "has to do"!! He tells me that he's trying, but it's like he "forgets"----and then it's too late! Although, it doesn't help that Tyler loves to wrestle with him. And on occasion HE will be the one attacking Nathan. I've told Ty that he's sending mixed messages to Nate by doing this. Maybe this is also just a sibling thing too?!? I can't get Ty to back off of Nathan, and I can't get Nate to back off of Ty. Maybe I should just leave it for them to figure it out???
Michelle
hi michelle,
don't see you on yahoo anymore, where'd ya go?
just thinking about some of the other things you've been concerned about with nathan. maybe it's an underlying anxiety thing. he's trying to find ways to vent what he doesn't understand. much like adults turn to a glass of wine. i think paula has a good idea, maybe a psych visit just to rule out other stuff would be wise. and it would put your mind at ease.
still waiting on those pics of the new pad! valerie
How do they normally play? Is it usually a lot of rough play. The reason I ask is my ds would play like this with his cousin who is NT. She is 9 months older than him and she likes to push him around, she also hit him alot so now he thinks that's how you play with everyone. I have to watch him like a hawk so he dosen't do the same thing with other kids. The other thing you mentioned was that Tyler has given Nathan mixed messages, could this be Nathans way of getting Tylers attention to get him to play?
Teresa
Teresa,
Yes, they always wrestle. Even when they were younger, Tyler taught Nathan how too!!! LOL I'm not sure that Nathan is trying to get Tyler to play with him, but that he just feels the need to touch him. He's not hurting Tyler, like jumping on him or anything. It's usually just the "touching" that Ty can't stand. But I'm starting to think that maybe Nathan is having a problem knowing when it's appropriate to touch him and when it's not. In his eyes, Ty is his brother and best friend, and if he wants to touch him ....then he will. He doesn't do this with anyone else, so I know that it deals with just the two of them. A friend of mine, who also has a 6yr old HFA, said that it's possible that Nathan just doesn't know when to stop the touching. When they're wrestling then it's ok....but when they're done, he needs to stop. Maybe he needs more clarification on this?!
Michelle
It's very frustrating...I know, my son has major impulse control problems when it come to his younger siblings. If they are playing a game, he needs to adjust the cards, explain the rules what they are doing wrong whatever. If they are reading a book he will grab it and need to see what it is. It seems to just be controling annoying behavior, but honestly, the intensity he has when he does this shows that somehow he HAS to do it. I often worry, because it is so hard on the other two, and causes many conflicts. I dont have any advice, I'm sorry.
Amanda