He'll believe anything
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| Sat, 03-25-2006 - 7:44pm |
We are having a bit of a new issue coming up. I know our kids are nieve but it is getting to be a problem.
There is a boy that Mike knows from school. They have known each other since they were 4 when this boy was our neighbor. He has his own issues as well (pretty severe stutter, panic disorder and some social difficulties himself). As such Mike and the boy will occasionally be friendly at school. It comes and goes in phases. Well, this boy can exhagerate a bit on stories. Everything is a tragedy, catastrophe, etc. It is now out of hand.
Yesterday, Mike came home saying JP had been shot with a shotgun by a gang in the leg the day before. The gang had stolen the shotgun from the military and now were in jail on death row. Mike bought that hook, line and sinker. In fact when I tried to tell him how this could not be true he became extremely angry with me and obsessed on it for quite sometime. He was near meltdown. He was also very anxious that this gang was around and that they may kill JP or come after Mike.
There are more and more of these instances coming up. The kid is constantly telling Mike he feels like he is going to have a panic attack. Mike is trying to be so helpful with him and kind and he is nervous as all get out about it. I can't even tell when the kid is accurate and when he is exagerating on that becuase I know he has panic attacks.
I am trying to figure out how to teach Mike about being so nieve. It is such a gray area. I have approached the teacher about it. FOund out that Mike never used the F-word at school. It was a story that same boy made up but the principal has become savy to the situation now.
I feel bad for the kid. Mike is so black and white I don't see a way to teach him that JP sometimes lies without it becoming JP is always a bad person. He is a nice kid who is going through a rough time this year. And if Mike thinks he is a bad person then he will announce it loudly. But I can't have him going around thinking that a gang is going to come up and shoot him either.
Renee


Tough one.
Isn't there some kid's story about a man (boy?) with an "overactive imagination" who thinks his imaginings are real? Maybe you can explain JP's stories that way? Sort of social story-esque.
As for countering naiveté... well that's a million dollar question. I really can't think of a good answer or suggestion. If I did I would apply it to my kids. And then I would bottle it, sell it for $500 an ounce and retire...
of course; I would give you four free bottles ;)
-Paula
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Dear Renee,
That is a tuff situation. Poor JP. I hope he has someone loving nad kind on HIS side. And even can get some professional help?
I agree with Paula about presenting JP's "lies" as "story-telling gone wild", as that is what it is, anyways. I don't think there is much we can do except continue to teach on a case-by-case basis when our children are not getting the complete picture, as their naivete is neurologically based!
Gotta say my dh is still gullible almost this bad. He gets so embarrassed when he realizes that he's been had, angry too (although sadly mostly at himself) --- he knows this is true of himself, but just has a hard time seeing through people in the moment. But he manages... AND he is the sweetest, kindest, honest, funniest guy, kinda why I married him.
Sara
Thanks guys.
Paula, I will be expecting my 4 bottles in the mail. Thank you very much, lol.
This boy does have good supports on his side. I have known his mom a long time since we used to be neighbors. I know she is ontop of it. He has an older brother who is ADHD and quite difficult and I know she has been working hard with him for years. I know he is seeing a doctor for these problems and our school is very supportive.
Mostly I feel really badly for the mom becuase it really appears that this boy is moving quickly into mental illness and not mildly. He was always a bit of a pistol but a nice kid. He used to knock on my door daily to play when we lived there. He was the only kid for the longest time who would invite Mike over too. We had him over a couple months back but don't see them as much since we moved. I should call his mom and have him over again. I have been really busy and kind of don't know how to approach her on this one. I don't know how she is taking it or if she wants anyone to approach her on the tough time she is having with JP. I may do that though.
Renee
We have a JP in our school.....Chris. So far, Chris's tall tales are pretty harmless but they are starting to upset me because my son gets so defensive about the situations. For example, we went to Disneyworld on December 1st......my son came home sometime in November all excited because Chris's family was going to Disney on the very same day and staying at the same hotel. I said I seriously doubt that is true.....maybe they are going sometime in December but probably not the same exact days. Son got extremely upset and yelled that Chris will be there. I dropped it. Son kept bringing it up for the next two weeks. So of course, on the morning of December 1st, son is looking for Chris at the airport. I had to calm him by telling him that they may be on a different flight. Periodically throughout our vacation son kept looking for Chris. I just kept reminding him that Disney is a huge place and it would be very difficult to find him. He seemed okay with it. When we got home and son was back in school, Chris still maintains that he was at Disney.......(teacher told me that Chris was in school the whole time). Chris explained why we did not see him at the airport was because his family took the Amtrak....knowing my son is a train fanatic.....
Anyway.....I know what you mean about trying to protect your own son against other's lies (tall tales, exaggerations, etc.)......I fear if others learn he is gullible that he will be an easy target......kids can be awful cruel at times.
Christie
yep, that is exactly like it. So far it was pretty harmless. I think I may have gotten through to Mike about the Gang since he hasn't brought it up again but 10:1 he just hasn't brought it up yet but still thinks I am wrong. At least he isn't obsessing that the VHB gang is coming to get us.
What a pain about Disney. I could see that happening too. And I could see myself lying to him to keep the peace. What do we know? We are just mom.
Renee
That's a tough one! I can tell already I will run into issues like this with Jake in the future because he's totally inflexible with his thinking once somebody tells him something that is the gospel truth and I can't change his mind about it!
Teresa