New! 2 Yr Old Aspie + Aspie Husband!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
New! 2 Yr Old Aspie + Aspie Husband!
9
Sun, 09-10-2006 - 4:11pm

Hi am new here. I thought it was time to seek out others like my family.

My personal journey began a 6 years ago when I decided that, whatever my husband's many many quirks were... it must be called "something," besides insanity! I settled on two possibilities, both with the same descriptions. One FAE, a milder version of fetal alcohol syndrome and the other... Asperger's. I now have a 2 year old boy that I am pretty sure has Asperger's although mild, which ruled out FAE with my husband. Together, they are quite the pair!

My 2 year old is actually speech delayed. He is in speech therapy and the therapist thinks he has some form of autism. Our family doctor agrees and wants to pursue testing at the Children's Hospital. My husband just lost his job of 11 years, so this might have to wait!

My son is...
Speech delayed
Clumsy
Unaware of spatial surroundings (runs into walls and tables)
Dangerous always (No fear)
High tempered with many daily tantrums (increases with chaos)
Sensory issues (water and sound)
Hugely obsessed with trains (Thomas)
Likes to line up his trains and trucks in long rows
Twirls his ears endlessly
Delayed Motor
Likes music And cute!

My husband has an entire array of Asperger's symptoms. Mostly social or is it anti-social? :) He does not recognize when others are angry or frustrated, when to stop. Blank facial expressions. Inappropriate contact; physical and verbal. Lots of parroting others. Comes off as sarcastic and rude. Non-verbal social skills non-existent. Clumsy, falls down the stairs once a week. Loves music, makes music and is an advertising artist. He has been in trouble at his work for inappropriate behavior on many occasions. Likes to go to clubs just to watch the lights move around. And so much more!!! As a child he was a lot like our son.

At times I think I might go insane!!! I have little support, my mother refuses to believe ther eis something amiss with her grandson.

Hoping to meet others and exchange ideas...
Beth

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-10-2006 - 6:52pm

Wow, welcome. Is your husband pretty accepting of his differences? Does he know about the AS? That will make a big difference and there is lots that you all can do.

You should check out this other site as well www dot asdrendrewolf dot org . There are articles on there on living with an AS hubbie. I have a friend who's DH is diagnosed aspie (hello friend?) and she will have lots of good ideas for you. You may want to hit that other forum over there and see if you can scare her up though I have seen her around here now and again as well.

Again welcome. We are a nice bunch of gals.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Sun, 09-10-2006 - 6:58pm

Hello Beth and welcome.


I am Paula, and I have two Aspie -type kids: Peter is 8 and Siobhan (DD) is 6.


I don't know why your husband lost his job, but if it was for inappropriate behavior; it might have helped for him to have a diagnosis. That way,

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Avatar for betz67
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-11-2006 - 7:50am

Welcome to our little oasis! the ladies here are wonderful and oh so helpful!

Betsy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2006
Mon, 09-11-2006 - 8:20pm

Sounds like my family! Although dh has never been tested, after our son was dx'ed with PDD he is 3 now, we really started to get information on the "spectrum disorders" Aspie kids are autistic but high functioning.
I would tell you to get your child tested ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OUr ds was 2yr 9month when we did. Started early intervention. He now does preschool 3x per week, OT 2x per week, speech 2x per week and a autism play group 2x per week.
It literally cosumes my week, but tell you what, it has made a HUGE difference.

Adam is more engaging than he was 8 months ago. I am so proud of all his leaps and bounds. Besides, he LOVES school. Which helps ease my nerves none the less.

Remember the sooner the better when it comes to getting your child help.
Sorry to hear about dh with his job. My dh and I use to work together years back and lost our jobs within 6 months of each other right after our son was born. Ya ya ya!
Hang in there!
Nora

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Wed, 09-13-2006 - 1:03am

I'm just getting started on Thomas the Train... this could go on for how many years? AHHH! Right now, we're just going with it. My husband plays with the trains contently too. Then they're both outta my hair. :)

WIll used to be a frequent head banger. Now he knocks his head on things when he is mad. I think he used to seek this, but now he just seems oblivous to the edge of a wall or table. It catches him by surprise.

I have had his eyes checked several times and so far it is fine. He seems to always have an ear infection though...

Thanks for the welcome. Enjoy that Thomas... at least it's narrated by George Carlin.

Avatar for springolife
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2003
Wed, 09-13-2006 - 10:20am

Yep, I think you have a spectrum family. According to the diagnostic criteria, you can't be diagnosed with Asperger's if you have a speech delay. However, you can have an aspie husband and an autistic son, because really it's all the same just different degrees.

I am 27 and have AS. My husband has an aspie personality, which I am beginning to understand and acept. It's been a learning process for me as well as for him (him learning to understand and accept MY quirky behaviour.) I was diagnosed a year ago.

My 3 1/2 year old daughter has the typical aspie meltdowns, unflexibility, lack of eye contact, mechanical interests, ect. She is crazy about robots, trains and dinosaurs, and those interests cycle out every week or so.

From birth I knew there was something wrong. She cried all the time. It was aweful, there have been times that we discussed adoption because I just didn't know what to do with her. I considered autism but her speech was advanced. She was in ECI for a-typical behaviour, but besides sensory integration dysfunction they didn't know what was wrong with her. When I found about AS they hadn't heard of it. I had her evaluated at two and again at three by a therapist who said she doesn't believe that either of us have AS, but her reasonings are flawed. When she handed a baby doll, bowl, spoon, and bottle to Kailey and told her to feed the baby, she did. Although she doesn't play babies at home, she has a baby sister so she imitated what she has seen me do so many times. She also can make limited eye contact now,since I have been working with her daily since birth. I also can make eye contact, although difficult, and reciprocal conversation, although that is a learned practice and take self discipline. Because of these things she believes we can not possibly be on the spectrum.

But, I know myself and my daughter much better then she does. Her DX was sensory integration dysfunction and speech delay (what speech delay? She's great, she just doesn't talk to you because she doesn't talk to people outside the family!)

My middle child had all the signs of classic autism: sudden loss of speech, spent hours in her crib, awake, but content, lack of response, ect. Her speech returned, and although she still has some signs of autism she's much better, so I don't really know what to expect in the future.

My youngest has an aspie personality, sensory problems, super advanced speech...So I think she'll probably be an obvious aspie but it's still early to tell. Between us, she's my favorite. :)

My parents have strong aspie personalities and my mom's brother is deffinitely AS. I have two cousins on my mom's side who have aspie personalities. My sister married an aspie and now has a daughter who seems very aspieish. There is deffinitely a strong genetic link to AS. Perhaps those with the genetic code for AS can be more classically autistic because of enviromental factors or vaccines. Who knows?

Nice to meet you. :)
Sarah T

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Wed, 09-13-2006 - 11:02am

The Thomas thing went away at about 5yo. to be replaced by ...Pokemon or Neopets. Can't remember which. We held onto the stuff for awhile then gave it to a friend with a Thomas-obsessed 2yo.


It is back now at 8yo, but as Renee predicted, is not so intense as the original obsession (TG) I actually prefer Thomas to some of the crap on Nick. They are simpler, gentler

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Thu, 09-14-2006 - 2:02pm

Springolife - WOW! You have your hands full! I hope you're finding time for yourself in there. I think that is where I go wrong. :)

I have read and read about Asperger's and although my son does have a speech delay, I really think he has Asperger's. that is the one piece that does not fall into place. My husband had a speech delay as well. They thought he was deaf unitl age 3 or so. I guess I jsut figure that my son might not fall into any classic text book case.

I know for sure that he has sensory integration problems... mostly noise, except music and water in the bath. He hates water near his ears.

I just ordered several books from Amazon about Asperger's and the AS Marriage. I can't wait for them to get here. I am going to go to a meeting for pre-schoolers with PDD/NOS at the elementary school by my house in October. I was excited to find that it was the only meeting of its type and it is about 25' from my front door.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
Thu, 09-14-2006 - 11:34pm

Oh man...Thomas- dear, dear Thomas. Noah is now 9, and STILL he plays with Thomas. No,it's not in the same obsessive manner it used to be, but there are times when I'd liked to wipe those smug facial expressions right off their tiny heads! (Usually when I've just stepped on one in the middle of the night.)

Your family sounds a bit like mine. Aspie husband, aspie son...I've got a neuro-typical daughter, and then there's the Bear- our "traditionally autistic" daughter.

Welcome aboard! We're glad you're here.

Amy

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