Bad parenting or just being AS?
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Bad parenting or just being AS?
| Mon, 09-11-2006 - 7:56am |
Almost 8yo ds with NLD or mild AS (depending on who tests) sprained his ankle on Fri at school. He absolutely freaks out and cannot consider that he's anything short of dying. I'm pretty sure he's over reacting but take him to doctor to be sure. Doctor is pretty sure it's just a mild sprain (tho' she says sprains can sometimes be more painful than breaks) and sends us home with care instructions. She says he's fine for school, etc this week. Well, I cannot get ds to even consider trying to be independent. He thinks he needs to be carried everywhere 'cus his foot hurts. I bought tape to wrap his foot and an ankle brace, but I can't even get those on him 'cus he's freaking out. Interestingly, before I take him to doctor, I scrub his filthy foot, and he doesn't even flinch or complain of pain. I'm sure it's mostly in his head, but how do I convince him? He's 85-lbs, so I can't carry him everywhere. He won't even help support his weight on his good foot. Yesterday he ended up spending a great amount of time in the bathtub 'cus he refused to help himself get out of the tub after his bath, and I refused to help him if he wouldn't at least try to help support his weight as I aided him. I felt sort of mean, but on the other hand, I hate to encourage his dependence and belief that he'll never walk again. A friend offered us their crutches, but ds doesn't have the coordination for those. At this point, ds is going to miss many days of school if I can't get him to realize he's a capable human being. Any ideas?

Your ds sounds so similar to Liam.
Hmmm.
I wonder if a little psychology might work?
Maybe have DH or someone FINALLY bring home the 'special cream' which heals sprains (it can be body lotion, vaseline or neosporin with pain relief if you want to get close to reality). You have been searching for this stuff for DAYS and
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
The only thing is, our kids have oversensitive sensory systems. Pain for them is not the same as pain for NT kids and this doctor is not a specialist, just a general practitioner, right? And this was only Friday, and the doctor said clearly that it was a sprain, not nothing, and sprains can often hurt more than a break.
Unless your son has has a history of faking it on pain and discomfort (rare in our kids IMHO), and also simply based on my own son's experiences, I would not be so sure he is faking his reaction. He may very well be in alot of pain and wrapping it might indeed not make it batter, also your handling it when cleaning it is not the same thing as standing on it.
Good luck to you. I would expect that as the ankle improves and there really is no longer any pain, he will start walking on it quickly. But I know for my son --- even "mild" pain can be overwhelming for his sensory system. Let him lie around a bit with it elevated, no baths, and he should recover soon.
yours,
Sara
ilovemalcolm
I completely agree about the sensory overload. I don't discount that physically a sprain is uncomfortable or that in ds mind, he is beyond extremely pained. I am just completely frustrated that he's unwilling to use his good foot or either arm to help support himself. He'd rather fall flat on his face than stick out an arm to help brace himself (okay, he wouldn't rather fall on his face, but in his mind he has no choice; he believes he is unable to do anything to help himself). The bath was probably a bad idea, but we thought with the brace he'd be able to go to church with us (he was excited about the brace when I brought it home from the store) and that it'd be good practice for going back to school today. I'm also not sure how much the foot hurts since he refuses to even TRY to put his foot down, let alone put weight on it to see whether or not he can do it. I don't discount his pain, but I do want him to accept some measure of responsibility for his own care and make some effort to see whether his injury even still exists. DS also thrives on dwelling on his discomforts and how his pain is worse than anything anyone else in the world has ever experienced. Any sympathy or empathy is proof that he is a victim who needs to be waited on hand and foot (which I did Fri/Sat but am now ready for him to participate in his own care). DS ended up spending several hours naked and hungry in the drained tub yesterday before dh finally coaxed ds out at which point ds dressed himself and managed to crawl into the living room (closest room to the bathroom) for a snack and bed. If dh hadn't coaxed him out, ds would probably have chosen to spend the night naked, cold and hungry in the tub since he doesn't believe he has a choice and is helpless. DS has managed to slowly crawl back and forth to the bathroom and living room/kitchen a couple of times today, but it's still a big production. I just wish I knew how to work with a child who is not motivated by ANY positive or negative consequence. I end up feeling so mean all the time, but on the other hand, I don't want to handicap my child by making him believe the world revolves around him. It would help if ds was a better guage of his own pain because then I'd know better whether to take him back to the doctor for additional x-ray and examination or whether I should continue to insist ds try to become self-reliant. Argh! Anyway, thanks to all for your feedback.