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| Wed, 09-13-2006 - 12:57pm |
Victor just turned 10 in August and this summer was diagnosed with Asperger's instead of ADHD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder and OCD. Ever since we received this diagnosis tho, I have just had no faith in my own parenting skills. At 10 the military says it's legal to leave him home alone for up to 2 hours and he's been begging me to for years now. I set it up so he's got my cell number, the cell numbers of two of my closest friends here, and knows three different houses that he can go to. Okay, so yesterday they started Bluebonnet Club ( Victor and his sister are both involved in the club). Well, he forgot he was supposed to go and then got upset when he couldn't find his sister to walk home after school. Then he got home and I wasn't at home and he got even more upset. He was scared to the point that he couldn't find me, that he forgot to use the number board we have. So we decided to back off on the whole being home alone after school at all for a while, but man do I feel guilty for that. Before this diagnosis I would have told him that he forgot to use his resources, get over it and move on. Now tho, I understand that he was stressed to begin with, then adding to it that he couldn't find me, that he just completely shut down. Is this normal to have so many doubts about what's going on now or am I just being goofy? I've been on these boards since Victor was 2 and I trust what you ladies and gentlemen have to say and appreciate any and all advice you can give. Thanks in advance.
ALexis

Alexis,
Welcome to the board. We are glad to have you here.
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Hi Alexis,
My ds, Noah is 9 (10 in January) and believe me I have the same worries! We live very close to a park and have 2 dogs. This summer I decided to let him stay home while I walked to the park so they could go potty - maybe 7 minutes total time that I would be gone. I gave him the phone and wrote my cell phone number down and gave him specific instructions over and over about what to do and what not to do. I was so nervous even though we live in a very safe neighborhood and I knew he could use the phone. So every minute..(probably overkill?) I would call him (he would call me back sometimes too)and breathe a sigh of relief when he would answer. I did this several times over the summer but still would never take it any further...yet. I just know my ds.
He has good judgement WHEN I AM THERE. He has good judgment when I am there to constantly remind him what to do. He can't remember anything 5 minutes after I tell him to do it. And on top of that he is only 9 (soon to be 10) how many 9 or 10 year olds are really mature enough to handle some sort of emergency or something really unexpected. I'm sure there are some, but they are still young kids.
Aspergers affects my ds ability to focus on anything other than what he is interested in (he has told me this- he's very honest!) like Playstation, cartoons, chemistry or whatever subject he is focusing on. Everything has to be repeated and practiced over and over and then he does get it. He really does. If he is given specific, very clear instruction he can learn to do just about anything.
Good Luck with Victor!
Jane
Edited 9/13/2006 4:12 pm ET by tearose70
Mom to Erin (19) and Haley (10yo Asp
I have AS, and although my mom didn't know what was wrong with me, she knew there was something up and was EXTREMELY worried and protective over me. I think that's normal. I'm the same with my three year old, who also has sensory problems and AS. You just have to feel it out and learn where you need to let go and where it is best to hold tightly.
Huggs, I know how you feel.
Sarah
PS- my mom didn't leave me home alone until I was 16. She was so worried that I was going to try to cook and burn the house down or cut up my clothes I didn't like or something.
Welcome to the board.
Hi.
My son is 11, we just got our Dx over the summer.
We just started to allow Josh to have his own key last year in 5th grade. Problem was that his MS school bus would drop him off at 3pm and many times Dh and I might be working that day and getting a sitter was a problem esp since my DH is self employeed and has very irrgeluar hours. We both have no trouble getting home just before 4 for the elementary school bus. But getting home for Josh was difficult on rare occasions. So the key was for those times.
we will on occasion leave him home, even with a younger sibling on certain occasions. Such as for mwe to run around the corner to get grocieries, work out for a quick 1/2 hours,
On this instances Josh has been proving himself to be pretty responsible. He has not lost his key. We made sure he could unlock the door and turn off the alarm which he does. He will call one of us on our cell phones to let us know he got in. Usually he calls my husband if he knows I am at work because my cell phone does not work there. Josh knows not to answer the phone unless he regonizes the phone number on caller ID.
He also knows whose's houses he can go to if he has a problem or loses his key.
When he is home he knows to let the dogs out, and he might grab a snack (he is just starting to be allowed to microwave items and make a can of soup)
And then start his homework.
I think what worked for Josh was thta before we even started to allow him the priviledge was the fact that we practiced with him. We had him practice with the key, and made it a special key(Home Depot has keys with print LIke the NY Jets emblem on it) and he has a special pocket in backpack for his key
We kept repeating the routine to him
And in true Aspie style Josh is neurotic. Very obsessive so he repeated what we told hom many times. As long as we warned him at the begining of this that we might not be home he was fine. Once he did it a couple of times , realized he was okay. And has been doing very well.
Again this is not an everyday occurance, but depending on how this yaer goes it could happen once or twice a week,
O will be honest though I am not sure could have done this at age 9, and at that point he was coming home at 4 and we had a kindie at the time
As far as hime traveling around, the neighborhod. We live in a development with a one way in and out. Many of the kids here are very accepting of Josh to a point and will let him hang out. He will usually tell me where he is going and even call me. I guess I am lucky in those aspects. It just takes time.
Rina