My 10yr old son got in a fight at school
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My 10yr old son got in a fight at school
| Thu, 09-14-2006 - 10:14am |
Hi all,
Well my son was suspended from Tues until today because him and another little boy got in a fight at school. This little boy has been calling my son names all year like - You're not a gentleman you're a mental man and I guess my son just got to his boiling point. It started as a food fight in the cafeteria and then escalated to pushing, and shoving. The principal did complement my son for his honesty because they have to write down the incident and what happened and she said she's seen alot of growth in him since last year. she said it's the most she's been able to ever communicate with him. He just got his Aspergers diagnosis a couple of weeks ago and they are setting up the different modifications and help at school. Anyone else have an Aspergers child who has a hard time dealing with anger? Any coping mechanisms? He also has a younger brother that is a bit of a pain...as younger bros can be and tends to snap on him sometimes- luckily the little one has only gotten hurt a couple of times but I want to work on this anger stuff before it gets out of hand.
Thanks,
Amy
Well my son was suspended from Tues until today because him and another little boy got in a fight at school. This little boy has been calling my son names all year like - You're not a gentleman you're a mental man and I guess my son just got to his boiling point. It started as a food fight in the cafeteria and then escalated to pushing, and shoving. The principal did complement my son for his honesty because they have to write down the incident and what happened and she said she's seen alot of growth in him since last year. she said it's the most she's been able to ever communicate with him. He just got his Aspergers diagnosis a couple of weeks ago and they are setting up the different modifications and help at school. Anyone else have an Aspergers child who has a hard time dealing with anger? Any coping mechanisms? He also has a younger brother that is a bit of a pain...as younger bros can be and tends to snap on him sometimes- luckily the little one has only gotten hurt a couple of times but I want to work on this anger stuff before it gets out of hand.
Thanks,
Amy


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That's a real difficult one. We have similar here. IS your son a 'slow burn' or a 'fast burn'. I think slow burn might be easier, because there is more time. There is a program called the Alert program ("how does yur engine run?") which I think, is mostly aimed at younger kids. I don't know much about older kids.
I tell my son to walk away, and to take deep breaths, but he is a fast burn and not very self aware. I am teaching him soem OT techniques to calm himself down, like to "Hold up the Wall", but that only works in a private setting.
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Amy
Amy -
Hi Amy~
My 9 y/o aspie has anger issues...and it's a really tough thing to deal with. In our son's case, he usually hurts himself, rather than others. Getting some things established in the IEP will help. Our son has the ability to "raise a red card" which means he needs to get out of the classroom immediately and go to a safe place. Usually the resource office, or one of the other classrooms. He also carries a stress ball in his pocket, so when he gets frustrated, he can squeeze it really hard and release the negative energy.
At home, we make him journal every night. It's not about the spelling or the grammar, it's about identifying what happened during the day to upset him, etc. Then we discuss ways of making good decisions.
This week at the school's open house, we were really proud to find out our son had requested his desk be moved away from everybody elses. He told us that people can't annoy him as much if they're not around him all the time. ;-)
Good Luck...let us know how things go.
Amy
From the sounds of it, he doesn't have an IEP yet, but probably will soon, is that correct?
My 9 year old Aspie has anger issues and doesnt like the other kids to touch him. His desk is always on the perimeter of the room.He has a corner of the room blocked off from the view of the other kids.If he is starting to get angry he holds up his break card and moves to this corner.He has balls to squeeze and marbles to roll together in his hand.He has had problems with name calling and has a bad reaction to the cafeteria at school.It is very noisy and hurts his ears .He seems to act on his anger more when he is in the cafeteria.He doesnt hit kids so far but he does kick desks or chairs. He has a drawing of a thermometer that he measures his anger on .If he has problems during the day he is supposed to show the teacher where his anger measured on the thermometer. So far they havent been using any of stress relievers or graphs but they worked good for him last year.
Belinda
Thanks for the websites...they have lots of good info on them. Yes, my son actually does have an IEP, which was just drawn up for his Aspergers diagnosis. He only had an IEP for speech before this. Not much was incorporated, since it was the first meeting of the year and the first exposure to Aspergers that I've had, but trust me, I'll be updating his IEP after looking online and doing research.
The principal is pretty clueless about these things, even tho she wants to seem like she understands my son more. She's still of the philosophy of the suspensions and stuff like that for consequences. I don't think his disability is taken into account, I think they look at it that it would be used as an excuse then. Sad, but true.
So should I somehow incorporate that into his IEP, about the discipline?
Thanks,
Amy
Amy -
Personally
A few suggestions to add, and as I am sure the other ladies here have heard, oh my goodness yes we have problems here that can lead to some significant behaviors. My son is also a fast burn but has made loads of progress in the last few years.
1) read the book "Asperger syndrome and Difficult Moments". Give the school a copy too.
2) Ask for a behavior support plan asap. He does not need to be on an IEP to have one. It is like an alternative discipline (with the focus on positive behavior supports) for an individual. It goes step by step through what they will do to help him manage his behavior, etc. Having them do "How does your engine run" at school if it is deemed something that will help may even be part of it. It is a combined effort type document to figure out how to address his behaviors positively.
3) If he isn't on an IEP start the testing for one and in the mean time have him put on a 504 plan. A 504 is from the rehabilitation act and is basically accomodations and modifications for students with disabilities. Often kids who have disabilities but don't qualify for a full IEP will have a 504 plan. As part of that he would have the behavior support plan as well as more protection against suspensions, etc.
Suspensions for kids with disabilities is more of a protection under IDEA (federal special education law) and would really more apply if he was on an IEP. There are some protections for kids regarding discipline when the behavior problem is a manifestation of their disability. There is more info on that at wrightslaw dot com. Not sure but the same protections are possibly available through 504.
Renee
Regarding the suspension thing, it may be true that they see it as a consequence, but you have every right to have discipline modifications written into the IEP...and I'd do it in a heartbeat. Shoot...where is that website that has all of the sample IEP goals and modifications. (Paula, Renee- do you remember?) I think it's on the Wright's Law website.
Something to remember about our spectrum kiddos, no matter how smart they are, socially, school is hard. If they find out that they can "miss school" when they misbehave, it's not uncommon for them to do it. Similar to a NT child who pretends to be sick in order to miss a test.
Amy
Hi Amy,
And thanks for your suggestions. We did have a stress ball last year but it got ruined. I usually only see them around the holidays for like stocking stuffers. Where else can I buy one? Raising a red card is a great idea. The principal told my son all he has to do is raise his hand and he could leave the room and go see her or his mentor, his fourth grade teacher from last year. Don't know if he will follow through, he does have a tough time speaking up.
I did buy him a journal yesterday and he did draw and write in there. He struggles with writing, will only do it sometimes but draws too to get his feelings out. I told him to do it every night just to help with his feelings.
There's just so much to research and so little time. I just found out my 3mo old daughter has bronchitis today - she's on tons of meds and I feel so bad. It's hard to fit in the special needs kids and all the IEP, etc stuff with a sick baby. Please keep her in your prayers!
Amy
Amy -
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