School Issues
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| Fri, 09-15-2006 - 5:00pm |
Hi everyone, I'm usually a lurker but today i'm just feeling very sad and wondering if anyone has any advice or words of encouragement. I will try to keep this short. My DS who just turned 12 dx w/aspergers and PDD nos just started middle school (7th grade) the first week was great! He loves it and has all of these friends etc....well today he came home in tears, he had a rough day. He was out sick with a nasty cold yesterday and when he came in today a kid came up to him and said "yesterday was great because you weren't here, it was actually quiet in class". He ignored it but it hurt. He then had a sub in math class and she asked him to go up to the board in front of everyone and do a problem. he has a very hard time getting up in front of the class so he asked to please call on someone else, the teacher said "no" get up there and then 3 or 4 other students began to chant his name and told him to stop being a baby and get up there, the teacher saying nothing of course.
So nathan decided to leave the classroom, last year if he was feeling overwhelmed or feel like he was going to cry he could leave. well with school just starting I don't think they have anything in place. He stood right outside the classroom until the teacher came out and sent him to the office. he talked to the guidence counselor which helped. then at the end of the day a few of the kids were picking on him while waiting for the bus. so needless to say he came home upset, and then proceeded to tell me he really has no friends, maybe just 2 or 3 and that he doesn't mean to annoy anyone he just can't help it and he tells me everything is great because he knows I will be upset :( it breaks my heart because all he wants to do is have friends and be liked. we just moved here from another state and he was hoping to start over fresh where no one knew him and his behavior. it's been 3 weeks since school has started and the kids all seem to know how to push his buttons. Does this get any better?? what can I do to make him feel better? i'm afraid he's going to have enough and start fighting which he hasn't done yet but I can see it coming down the road. He's joined a club at school so maybe this will help. i'm so sorry this is long, I just needed to vent I guess. Thanks.
Robin

Belinda
Robin,
I don't really have any advice for you.
I really don't have advice, just lending a shoulder to lean on. My ds is just in preschool and I dread the every thought of this dilemma. Hang in there, your child is doing their best to make you proud/protect you too.
Be there and reassure if there is any other issues that pop up.
Keep your ears open.
God Bless
Nora
http://i153.photobucket.com/albums/s225/irishwildrose/pp2.jpg
Robin,
I feel for you. My son is in 4th grade and he feels he has no friends. His class teacher keeps sending me mails if he played with any kid and wants me to arrange play dates outside of school to improve his socialization abilities. I have to get to it. Is there a way you can ask your son and find out if one other boy would play with him and you can arrange for them to play together. You can have an IEP and tell the teachers not to call on him. You can also set up unsupervised time as indoor play rather than an outdoor play where he has to go find someone to play with. It is a very difficult world out there and I feel like sheltering my kid as long as I can.
Good luck,
Anandhi
Hi and welcome here Robin! My son Vaughn is 8 yrs old and in the third grade.....he has aspergers. Does your son have an IEP? If so, get with your IEP team and get them to help your son.....here are some suggestions of what to ask for.....mind you, this is just my opinion from my experience but I hope it helps.....
He needs a designated safe person and safe place.......this is very important for my son.....my son is finally able to recognize when things are getting too much for him and he is allowed to remove himself from the class and go to his safe person and safe place. Sometimes all he needs is a couple of minutes to walk to her office (she is his case manager) and say hello, get a drink of water and return to class.....other times he will spend 20 minutes there....depending on his day. Last year he had a sensory break (lasting about 5 minutes each) every hour on the hour......this year, they are trying to limit his breaks to when he needs it instead of every hour.
How about a social skills group.....it can be very informal......I'm sure your son is not the only child who could benefit from this......my son has a "lunch bunch" group.....every Monday and Wednesday the bunch has lunch together and then stays in from recess and plays a game.....his case manager (or one of the aides) reminds them of the general social rules that they should be following (take turns, having a reciprocal conversation, etc.)......last year this group was organized and run by his guidance counselor....I know the speech therapist helps with this as well. I LOVE this idea because my son knows that the people in his lunch bunch are always available to interact with if his NT classmates are not being friendly.
I got to run but I hope some of that helps......good luck and I look forward to learning more about you and your family.
Take care,
Christie
Robin,
HUGS. I have an 11 yr old in his first yr of middle school.
Talk to the guidence counsler. Ask him/her to set up a friendship group for your ds. My son started going to one last yr and they are doing it again for him this yr. It really helped him build friendships. They meet once a week with a few kids from his class and play games, do projects (last yr they made a movie: Kyle's obsession of the month), and talk. Kyle and all the kids in his class loved it.
Also make sure you meet with the school and make sure everything is in place and demand that all subs are informed of your ds needs. I make myself a real pain to the school at the begining of the yr. If I don't they let stuff slide and our kids can spriral out of control real fast.
Samantha
Hi!
middle school just stinks! I can't believe this teacher let something like this happen! I think I'd talk to the guidance counselor as well, usually they are really understanding and can be a great advocate for your child.
Middle school is really tough on nt kids (my DD is in 7th grade, tough as nails and pretty and smart and fairly self-confident and still having a hard time) but it's awful for kids who are different. My oldest is Dx ADD-nos, but he has all the asperger traits (too social per the pschycologist). He had a friend or 2 during each year during middle school, we moved between his 6th and 7th grade year from Wisconsin to South Carolina. This was both good and bad. Very difficult to find new friends when you're pretty much a loner and not good at conversation with other kids. But we were able to really talk to all the teachers and explain what his issues were instead of them already having preconcieved notion of him just being a slacker. The teachers in 7th grade found a kid that was in all his classes who was willing to help him and have lunch with him-- this was great! This boy introduced him to all his friends, so he at least had someone to eat lunch with and walk to classes with.
I think getting a very well written IEP and making sure all the teachers understand his issues and how to deal with those in class would help. A social skills group or a friendship group would be great to add to the IEP. My son had one in 7th grade. They met once a week and it really helped. In 8th grade he was in a resource group during "homeroom" and there were 4 kids in it. One of the other boys had a social skills goal on his IEP and so they had Warren (my oldest)and him work on that together, which helped Warren as much as the other boy! Warren was there for organizational skills and planning.
So far highschool is a bit better for my son-- but he's in a very small community w/i a large school-- he's in a special program for kids who are doing advanced work but need extra help w/ organization and a boost to high school.
My autistic son is in 5th grade. He's "accepted" by his peers(I'm not sure quite what that means!). He has a difficult time w/ transitions and organization and communication. He has only 1-2 friends. We'll see how it goes for him next year. I have lots and lots of concerns.
Betsy
Thank you all for your feedback, I appreciate it. Nathan does have an IEP but I really need to get in touch with the school, as it's been 3 weeks and no one has contacted me, I guess I was waiting to be contacted, (bad idea). I think I am going to have them put in his IEP that they can't call on him to go up in front of the class. He is just so afraid of being wrong and getting picked on by his peers it will cause more good then bad. He does have 2-3 friends that he talks about and he does sit with them at lunch so that makes me feel better. He also has joined an after school technology club so we'll see how that goes. It involves working on projects in groups so maybe that will help. At his school back home he had a contact person he could check in with and that helped a lot, I think I just need to get going with the school and get them on board.
Thank you!