Am I over-reacting?

Avatar for toryanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Am I over-reacting?
4
Thu, 09-21-2006 - 2:00pm

Okay Victor is 10 this year. He's in 5th grade. I just don't know if his teacher is truly a pain or if it's me but I'm ready to cry most days. We have emergency contact card that we have to fill out every year. Well, in the 4 years we've been at this school, I've never put a doctor because we're military. This year however, his teacher decided to keep sending the card home, telling Victor that I hadn't filled it out completely. Finally, because this teacher kept sending the card home and I had no clue that I could just write the name of the hospital in that slot, Victor comes home from school and tells me "Mom, Ms. ______ says that if I don't turn this card in by Wednesday, I can't go back to school." I was livid. How could she tell a child who already hates school that he's not going back if he doesn't turn in the card. Luckily, the Friday before this happened, I mentioned what was going on to a friend and she told me to just write the name of the hospital in that slot so I did and turned it in. Victor told me tho "Mom, don't worry about it. I know Ms. _____ is a liar." My jaw hit the floor.

Victor thinks that his teacher is a liar because instead of just talking to him about his meltdowns in class, she told him "what if I gave you a sticker every day after school for days you don't cry?" He took this as it would start the next day and when he didn't get his sticker he came home MAD! He told me that day "Mom, she never wanted to give me a sticker, she just didn't want to listen to me cry." This coupled with the fact that she assigned a paper on a "historical figure" misunderstanding made the first three weeks of school suck. Victor told me that dinosaurs were a historical figure. For once in the 6 years he's been in school, he was excited about writing this paper. He was so proud of what he'd written that he wanted to call his teacher at home and tell her the story. When he got to school the next day, he volunteered to go first reading their papers. ( Again, another complete shock) She told him that dinosaurs was not what she wanted, she wanted a president and he had to redo the paper.

When I went to his IEP this year, we had the school psychologist in there. He informed Victor's teacher that she had to choose her words VERY carefully. She proceeded to argue with us for the entire time of that meeting that she was very clear that she wanted a historical person on that paper. Finally, the psychologist asked her "Did you say PERSON? Did you say PRESIDENT?" and it was nice to not be the only one there going geesh. While in this meeting, this teacher leans over and asks me "I was just curious, are you Victor's biological mother?" Reason for her asking is that my children's father ( my husband) is Mexican and I am whiter than white. Not that this has got anything to do with educating my child, but it bugged me. I decided that I was overreacting and let it go. Well, I go into the class one day to take Victor his key to the house, and the teacher stopped me in the middle of the class to explain the issue of the emergency card. So she's arguing with me in the middle of 20 ten year olds that I should have just filled the card out right. Well, I finally got about without causing too much of a scene, although Victor told me later that day that the kids in his class think he's awesome because his mom told the teacher off. So I went home that day without talking to the principal because I was too angry and would have done something ugly there in the school if I'd stayed. Instead, I go home and immediately call the principal. I let him know that I am extremely upset that this teacher felt the need to have an arguement in front of all the kids and that I was concerned that things I said there could be misconstrued by the kids as that Victor couldn't take care of himself. When I informed the principal of everything that had happened, he of course goes and asks the teacher, and she flat out lied on me. She told the principal that she NEVER asked about if I was Victor's biological mother and that we hadn't argued in front of the kids. I told the principal that he needed to go address the whole class then and she changed her story on the arguement in front of the kids but still swears she never asked me about Victor's ethnicity.

Now here is the question and I thank you for staying with me. I have decided that any meeting I have with this woman I will be taking one of my friends with me to the meeting so there is someone else to be able to tell who was telling the truth. Also, I was going to do PTA this year but I'm unsure I want to be working for a school who has a liar for a teacher like that and chooses to defend the teacher, not the child. This teacher's favorite excuse is "Oh Victor misunderstood again." Well after a month of having his IEP in place, she should be choosing her words more carefully. The principal tells me "Oh, well now you shouldn't have discussed that with her in class, that's what planning periods are for" and then tells me "Well, you should have met her during her planning period." All I had wanted to do is give my son his house key. So Am I overreacting about choosing to not be on PTA this year and taking a witness to any meetings with this teacher? How am I supposed to convince my son that his teacher is not a liar, when she bold faced lied on me too? He's not upset about his teacher being a liar but he does take everything she says with a grain of salt now. He's doing better in this class than he would in the other class because the other class has all the school bullies in it so moving isn't an option, lesser of the two evils and all.

Thanks for any and all advice.

Alexis

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Thu, 09-21-2006 - 2:30pm

If you really want to be on the PTA don't let this one teacher stop you. Teachers are human, some are good people and some aren't. I definately think having someone with you at all meetings to take notes is a good idea. I'm really sorry she is being so difficult. And try to look at the situation from its good points. Your son is taking what she says with a grain of salt. That's great that he is learning to not be so literal. That will serve him well in the future.

Samantha

Samantha
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Thu, 09-21-2006 - 2:37pm

Next time this woman asks you if Victor is truly yours or not.. tell her straight out you will file a grievence against her. How ever the procedure is.. the woman is coming off as a bigot.
next go to the school pysch and see if he heard the comment about Victor's biological begginings. If he did then tell he what happened with the teacher and princpal. From what i am reading he seems to get it and may actually get it. But I think he might be your best ally.
And yes join the PTA. The next best weapon. Don't say anything bad about the teacher. Just listen. When people hear you have such and such teacher you get one of 2 reactions. The one of pure love of the person or the look of sympathy. You want to see the looks of sympathy. Then you will again have back up. Can PTA have any effect over the status over a teacher, not sure esp if tenure/unions are involved. But maybe they can give you tips. And as the year progresses then hopefully you can get good hints over teachers for next year and start your campaign now. It also makes you a presence in the school and if the principal is involved in the PTA as she/he gets to know you then maybe he will realize who was at fault. Or not but still it can't hurt. Just remember don't go in looking for the fight. Just be a good listener for now.You can learn alot.

Rina

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
Thu, 09-21-2006 - 8:06pm

Yep...I agree completely with what Rina said. I would join the PTA and volunteer for everything possible. I'd become a thorn in their side by simply being there all the time. I would also try to get a fellow parent (maybe a member of the PTA board) to serve as an ally- not just one of your friends. If they won't listen to you, they're not going to listen one of your friends, simply because of the fact that she's your friend. (Wrong, but true.)

Besides, not joining PTA because of one teacher isn't going to hurt that one teacher, or the principal. It's going to hurt the students and possibly some teachers that could be a great help to you in the future.

Join the PTA, keep your ears open - and find an ally who is already on the inside.

Amy

Meez 3D avatar avatars games

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Thu, 09-21-2006 - 10:03pm

Hi Alexis,


Welcome to the board.

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com