Do I dare? (ot)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Do I dare? (ot)
4
Fri, 09-22-2006 - 12:47pm
I SO want another baby. DD (4) is NT and quite smart. I have loved every minute of her development. DS (almost 2) will probably end up with a PDD label. He is not as bright as DD was at this age and not as verbal ( but has about 60 words). Anyhow, I find myself longing for another child. I will be 36 in December. (geez, where does time go?) When I was pregnant with DS I always had dreams he was autistic. Weird--I know. DS was a month early and he really is super cute, but you can tell he is different. He is in early intervention and goes for his 2 year reeval with the developmental ped. in Oct. So, question is...how do I decide to have another. I definitely would struggle if I had another child like my DS. Currently he does not have any major "issues" except for teethbrushing. I just kind of feel like I need another baby. DH would like another kid too, but he is really leaving the decision up to me. I'm so confused! What would you do and what made you decide to have another when you knew your other child was on spectrum?
Thanks
Sonya
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
In reply to: saggzz
Fri, 09-22-2006 - 2:20pm

Of course I feel compelled to finish the line of the poem:


Do I dare?


...disturb the Universe?


In a minute there is time, with decisions and revisions, which a minute will reverse.


(That's from memory, so apologies to TS Elliot if it isn't perfect. ;) )


Of course: Prufrock decided not to disturb the universe, and didn't take the plunge.


I didn't teke the plunge either.

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
In reply to: saggzz
Fri, 09-22-2006 - 3:15pm

I think that it's always a difficult decision whether or not to go ahead with another child after you've had a little experience. Every child is challenging sometimes, and each has their own quirks. A friend of mine has an NT child 6 months older than Kivrin and her daughter still hasn't slept an entire night alone in her bed without repeatedly waking one or both of her parents. Since this friend's second child has multiple birth defects there's not muc sleep in that house. Another friend of mine has 3 perfect girls all under the age of 4. When I say perfect I mean it. They are the pink petticoat, curtsy when they meet you, so sweet your teeth hurt kind of perfect. If I didn't love them to death they might make me a little sick to the tummy. But if you hang around a lot you start to realize that the oldest one is just a little too....everything. She's already just a bit to anxious about making sure things are cleaned up and all the rules are followed and little sisters are taken care of and pregnant mommy is feeling good and and and. I don't want to be around when that one hits puberty.

Anyway, whatever you do or don't do there will still be challenges, the difference will be the degree and type. You just have to decide what you want and what you have the energy and drive for. For myself I don't know if I'll have more than 1. I'd like more, but I'm 37 and this has been a hard year. The diagnosis process has been hard on DH and I, and I'm afraid on Kivrin too as much as we've tried to make it easy for her. And I haven't been real healthy. I think my doctors have finally ruled out MS, but I'm still not up to speed with life. All that taken into consideration it may turn out that Kivrin was meant to be my one and only. It will crush DH and Kivrin keeps begging me to go get a baby from the baby store, but a person can only do what they can do. Besides 3 years of infertility is enough.

Mary

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2005
In reply to: saggzz
Fri, 09-22-2006 - 3:16pm

I grow old, I grow old, I shall wear the bottom's of my trousers rolled...


This really is a profoundly personal

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
In reply to: saggzz
Fri, 09-22-2006 - 5:44pm

I wouldn't dare try to give you any advice on this subject, as DH and I are in the same situation. We have three, two on the spectrum, and our youngest is pretty affected by the disorder.

We both want more children, but it's terrifying. In fact, up until four months ago we had essentially ruled it out. For a while it seemed like we could handle another, even if he/she happened to be on the spectrum...but with this school year already getting to be a beast, I'm not sure anymore.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

Amy

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