Paying it forward
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| Sat, 09-23-2006 - 1:53am |
I got a great tip from a professional today so i thought I'd pay it forward to my online friends. My oldest dd has been having aggression issues at school (first year in middle school). I talked at length with the counselor on the phone and as I tried to explain briefly as possible some of my dd's behavior and gave her some background on the family history of ASD, she then cleverly saw how much more time my youngest must have required of her parents thereby forcing my oldest to feel compelled to compete for attention in negative ways. So it was suggested that I try to spend special time with my oldest.
So, in case anyone else forgot to treat their kid real special...thought you might want to add that to your list. I nearly slapped my forehead as the heavens parted and the light shone down on my head to reveal the epiphany that all her anger issues, her compulsivity, impulsivity, obsessiveness...may have stemmed from her getting the shaft cuz she has a little sister with special needs.
Oh well, the lady was actually very nice, was trying hard and meant well and I am not actually upset with her, but moreso the barriers of their fixed ways of Mcthinking. They trade logic for the easiest path. It is just very exhausting being in this place yet again where the pros only have the shallow knowledge of what this existence means as opposed to being experience rich. My dd clearly is acting oddly for her age and I am still roundabout getting the blame. I told her that she had this behavior from 18 months old...obviously way before little sister arrived on the scene to ruin her world.
Anyway, thought you all might enjoy another "why didn't I think of that". I didn't have enough guilt or burdens as a mother...oh yes, let's add "You made your daughter aggressive because she feels so unloved!!" LOL I know she didn't mean it that way and she was trying to problem solve so again, I'm not angry or holding it against her...I'm just grateful I'm not a rookie and buying into it though.

When I had my younger ds evaluated through the school district because of all my concerns, the report they wrote up says, in the kindest possible terms, than they think he didn't get the kind of exposure to normal childhood activities because his brother took all my attention.
WOW! You mean Mike's first california preschool teachers were right? The only reason he has behavior trouble is because I didn't spend enough time with him!?!?!?!?! That was my answer all along!!!! For us it wasn't the SN component because they didn't buy that Cait was special needs either because kids are over diagnosed ya know. Not that they had ever even met her. It was because I had so many kids (was preggers for Dave at the time)
Wow, the insight of some people. I am just so glad for that McThinking. Now we can go about fixing our families.
LR, ya know what ticks me off the most about those kinds of conversations? That they wasted my time. I am trying to find an answer and a way to help my child and that was just another waste of my time when I could have been getting some productive help or answers.
GRRRRRR, mad for you.
Is DD on an IEP? Middle school is tough and the transition is tough. Memories from last year are still fresh in my mind. It could be any number of reasons and if there's an IEP there is a little more flexibility in modifying and destressing her world.
Since I believe she has executive function on par with Cait somewhere, I can share that one of our biggest struggles was Cait was just plain overwhelmed with the demands. Bigger school, more movement, getting to class, then trying to keep track of 5 different classes worth of homework and projects even though she only had 2 academic teachers. It was just a big confusion and she felt constantly behind the 8-ball.
Good luck.
Renee
There must be something wrong with my younger child
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Praise the powers that be! McThinking will be our salvation!
Ugh...I used to wonder why I hate some people. Now I know.
I'm sure that Claire eats the pebbles on the playground because I failed to breastfeed her long enough. That HAS to be it.
But you know ladies, LR is right...this is the kind of crap newbies are fed all the time. How sad. As if, in the beginning, we didn't all feel inadequate enough!
Amy
oh yes, b-tch OT for district told me yesterday that Mike's frustrations in class are just behavioral. He has no sensory issues. She has been telling me for 2 years it is just parenting.
So glad miss never had kids nor been married has all the answers about my parenting.
OHHHHHHHH and she tells me that brushing would be sociall inappropriate at his age in school. Well Yeah, so is hitting, growling and crying.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Renee
we really need to sic The Lads on her.
-Paula
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Dear Renee,
What happened? How is it possible that Malcolm's OTs have been teleporting back and forth across the country daily to also "treat" Mike? Or did they clone themselves?
AAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH!!!
The world has gone insane...
By the by, Paula, I have a list for The Lads already right here on the East Coast, so let's get them busy ASAP.
Sara
ilovemalcolm
OMG! I still remember my very NT daughter ( I thinK, LOL!) and her middle school years. I have not got calls at all till then and BANG! it all came at once. She forgot this homework and she left this subject book at school and so on so forth. At the same time, my 2 year old was throwing chairs and major meltdowns in school. I just thought I was one lucky mother to go thru the teenage issues and the toddler issue at the same time. Little did I know my son would be on the spectrum.
But one consolation though, HS does get better and they learn a lot from all the difficult transitioning that they had to go thru as Middle school kids. In my opinion, moving from class to class in middle school along with all the puberty issue is an overkill on these kids.
take care,
Anandhi